My Heaven And My Hell

Bang, Bang 3/3/2005

Author's note Randi McMinkin gave me the idea for the place in New York

Jenny's POV

I watch out the bus window in awe. This city is huge. This is my first visit to New York and I'm so on edge so many people. I know I live in LA but I live on the outskirts. I've spent years in seclusion of my own making. As much as I enjoy meeting my readers my anxiety is kicking my ass. Then you add my secret admirer and don't forget the chaste twosome and I'm a mess. My doctor prescribed Xanax one of my favorites. Nikki was peeved and took it to be given when needed. Mental tools first, pills last resort Nikki tells me. He can be such a bossy son of bitch.

Today for some reason everything seems worse I'm so agitated I have pent up nervous energy to burn. I've had no freedom since this started. I haven't felt this way since I was married. Someone else controlling my every move. Telling me what to do how to look where I can go how to behave. I'm about to loose it. The bus has come to stop near the venue. Everyone piles out to begin their usual rat race. I on the other hand just stand and start to pace like the caged animal I'm feeling like. Nikki comes back on the bus realizing I didn't follow everyone off.

"Jenny?" He says softly as he watches me pace. He comes forward and snatches me gently off my feet. Taking me to the couch he sits with me on his lap so I straddle him. He tucks my hair behind my ear and studies my face. Being so close to him my body reacts in an old learned behavior.

"Please." I beg. It's all my stressed mind can get out. Pulling off my shirt I unsnap my bra. I reach down to unbuckle his belt. My fingers fumble with it they are shaking so bad. He finally takes over the belt and jeans. I stroke his dick then take him inside. I ride hard and fast. This isn't about I love you. This is something I learned to keep my sanity during my controlling marriage when he left no other outlet for relief for me but his body. I can feel my body coming to that moment of release. When I let go of all my balled up emotions. His hands have been caressing gently my breasts my thighs. I've dug my nails into the couch cushion and away from his beautiful tattoos as I ride out my storm. I groan as I climax so hard it leaves me dizzy. Nikki pulls me down on him a couple more times to find his release. I collapse panting and lay my head on his shoulder. I feel a tear slide down my cheek. I feel shame for using him like that. My mind wasn't in the right place.

"I love you Jenny." He whispers.

"I love you." I whisper back.

It's hours later and I sit in Nikki's dressing room alone or at least having the allusion of it when I notice a new note. I pick it up and read.

Dearest One

If you don't want your Lover to come off the stage in a body bag tonight. You'll meet me at the castle in Central Park at 6 pm. No police or else.

The Gentleman Caller

I glance at my watch. I don't think it over much. I just act. I check my door Kimo is on guard this time.

"Kimo there's a spider." I squeal. He comes through the door laughing.

"The queen of horror afraid a little spider. Where at?" He grins

"Over in the corner." I say and point. His back is to me as I ease my way out the door closing it quietly I wedge his chair under the knob.

"Miss Grey what are you doing? Let me out." Kimo yells and begins to pound his fists against the door.

I take to a run thinking the door might not hold him long. I hail a cab outside and tell him where I wish to go.

We get there and I pay my fair. He smiles and offers a map while rubbing is fingers together in the universal sign for money. I sigh and pay him for it. He yells out his window telling me I shouldn't be out here after dark. I thank him. I find my way to the castle its a beautiful place. I wish I was seeing it under different circumstances. I wander up to the entrance it's closed all I find is a tape recorder. I pick it up glancing around me to see if there is anyone near. I'm about to push play when I feel arms encircle my waist. I squeak in response and drop the tape recorder. I open my eyes to see Nikki looking down at me pissed.

"What were you thinking woman?" He growls.

"Of you." I respond with a whimper. He picks me up and buries his head against my neck.

"I was so scared." He whispers giving me a squeeze.

He looks down at the recorder on the grass. Kimo picks it up and pushes play.

"Bang, Bang your dead." The Gentleman Caller laughs. "I could have killed you both. Oh the crazy things you do for love. Stop playing with my beloved Sixx or I'll make sure neither of us have her."