My Heaven And My Hell

The Morning After 7/5/2001

   Jenny's POV

I wake and try to stretch, but Nikki has me neatly tuck against his body. I think about yesterday and how much fun we had. I might be crazy, but I love the house full. Then I think of last night. We didn't make love. I can't yet, but we were still intimate. Burying my face in his chest I whimper my feelings so confused love, shame, sadness. Tears silently start to fall down my cheeks I had tried to keep my distance all day. But when he came to my bed All I wanted do was hold and touch him it had been so long. I feel him stir, then he tips my head back so he can see my face.

  "Baby why are you crying?" He asks as he kisses my wet cheeks. I groan how can he be both my pain and my comfort. 

   "Just post pregnancy hormones." I lie and look away quickly. He knows I'm lying but he lets it go not really sure how to handle my tears.
   
    Elisa starts to cry and distracts us both. I love this bedside baby bed. It's been a life saver since I've been alone with her. My Mom and sister went back early. My Dad is sick and he needed my Mom. I change her quick and cuddle back into bed to nurse. Nikki spoons me and rubs the baby's back as she nurses. We hear feet in in the hall and before we could even think what to do. Charlie and Gunner are at the door with the rest of the horde in tow. We roll over to see several pairs of eyes looking back.

   "We will be downstairs." Gunner Says. They all head for the stairs. We hear them talk as they leave

    "Man Gunner I like your Dad, but he needs to make up his mind. He's giving us all whiplash." He comments as he stomps down the stairs.

   "Ya I know." Gunner groans.

    They are out of earshot now.  I lay the baby back down and get up and close the door. Nikki pulls me to him and holds me tight. We pull away from each other and get dressed. Without a word Nikki walks out of the room to the nursery to get Mary and Frankie. I bring Elisa and we go downstairs.

    "What does our spawn want for breakfast this morning?" I ask the kids with a smirk as I place Elisa in her bassinet. They laugh and decide with a vote they want pancakes. Nikki puts the littlest girls in the playpen and comes to help. I'm at my best in a full house. I've always wanted this. I enjoy the chatter and laughter. Nikki and I finally get everyone fed and sit down to eat too. I have Mary sitting on my lap stealing from my plate.

    "Dad would you pass the syrup?" Storm asks and smiles as her dad hands it over.

    "Da da," Mary reaches for Nikki. We all stop shocked. This is the first time she's even made a sound. Nikki isn't sure how to react, but she looks so concerned when he doesn't respond. "Da Da." She tries again and reaches out again. He finally takes her into his arms and cuddles her. She wraps her arms around his neck and rests against him. She has made her claim. I wish I could do it that easily.

   "What a big girl you are." Nikki coos rewarding her first word. I sigh I will never be able to keep this man out my house his children live here. It doesn't seem to matter to him that he didn't help make them all. I just wish I could keep my hands off. He's not making this easy.

  After breakfast I watch as he ushers his kids into his jeep. They are groaning and moping they are not ready to leave they were having to much fun. He hugs my kids goodbye and then hugs me.

   "I'm having trouble regretting last night." He whispers in my ear and squeezes me tightly. He reluctantly pulls away and gets in.
I step back and watch him back out my driveway and drive away from me.