My Heaven And My Hell

Ready Or Not 5/7/05

Nikki's POV

Waking to the sounds of giggles I realize the Triple Sixx is heading right for me. I panic for a moment and reach for Jenny. She is already up. I sigh with relief as Frankie peeks around the door followed by Mary and Elisa.

"Daddy!" they squeal as they jump on the bed.

"How are my girls this morning?" I ask as I hug them all at once.

"Hungry and Mama says we have to wake you first." Elisa huffs.

"Hurry Daddy Mama is making pancakes." Mary says her eyes big.

"Yeah and I like Mama Jen's pancakes." Frankie grins and jumps down from the bed. Whoa Frankie don't let your Mama hear you call her that crossing my mind. My daughters leave swiftly now that they have done what they were told to.

I get dressed and head to the kitchen. Jenny is at the stove making pancakes with Lizzy's help. I smile at everyone. Ones missing.

Where's Ryan?" I ask.

"He went for a walk." Gunner answers.

I wander over to Jenny and give her a gentle hug. I can't help it I try to be subtle and give her growing tummy a rub. Glancing up I realize I have been caught by Gunner and Charlie. They must have been pondering over Jenny's slightly bigger tummy all morning. I think I've just confirmed their suspicions.

"Really Dad." Gunner sighs with a added eye roll.

Charlie just glares. I watch him take his seat quietly. Damn how am I suppose to handle this. We are gonna have to tell them all. My eyes drop to my feet I don't want Frankie and Ryan to hate me. I never think of the consequences of my actions until after the fact. Jenny breaks into my thoughts as she calls everyone to the table. She gives me a sympathetic look and looks at Frankie. Sometimes its like she reads my mind. I know she loves my kids too. I just take my place at the table and contemplate over my coffee. I just had taken a drink when all the shit hits the fan.

"Dude what's got you so grouchy?" Decker asks Charlie.

The boy glares right at me.

"I don't know. It could be that your asshole of a father has Knocked up my mother again." He growls.

"Charlie." Jenny tries to reprimand.

Charlie is out of his chair and up the stairs in a rush. Moments later we hear his door slam. That is the only sound to be heard. Jenny and I groan. I'm not pissed at the kid. He's always been protective of his mother.

"What does Knocked up mean?" Frankie asks.

Storm the walking dictionary goes to answer.

"Later Storm please." I say and rub my temples.

"Oh by the way Gunner you owe me ten." Storm pops off. "I told you so.

"Fine." He grunts and gives me a dirty look.

"What were you betting about?" Jenny asks Gunner curiously and hoping to lighten the mood.

"Storm bet me that Dad couldn't behave himself with you out on the road with him. I lost." He answers miffed and gives me another dirty look.

Lizzy who is older then the Triple Sixx and full of mischief always.

"Are you two trying for a dozen like in that movie?" She starts giggling and almost falls out of her chair.

Elisa who is quiet like her mother and smart for a three-year old soon to be four has just been listening. She cocks her head.

"Oooh." She exclaims. She leans over and whispers to her sisters. The Triple Sixx get up in unison huff and run to their room.

Jenny gets up and begins to clear the table. Storm and Lizzy hurry to help. Ryan comes through the back door about then?

"Did I miss breakfast?" He asks oblivious of the turmoil.

"I saved you some." Jenny answers as she starts the dishes.

"What happened why is everyone so moody?" Ryan asks.

"Nothing just grown up stuff." Storm sighs.

"Oh." He looses interest and eats his pancakes.

I just sit quietly and drink my coffee. That did not go well.

Jenny's POV

I'm so sorry Charlie is angry. I don't know how Frankie feels. She so young yet. Those three are so in tuned with each other. I'm glad they have each other when adult drama gets heavy. I'm sorry I've caused the drama. I bite my lip and hold back the tears.

I still need to replace my son's urn. Out of everything that is just a possession. That Bastard had to hit the one thing closest to my heart. I know I should let my son go and bury him. I never found the strength to.

The kitchen clean up went fast with the kids help. I sit near Nikki with my coffee just being near him is a comfort. Leaving us alone in the kitchen The children have gone to the living room to watch TV. I watch Lizzy in the other room. She is definitely a character referencing Cheaper By Dozen. I see her focus on the shelf. She groans softly as she picks up her brother's ashes. She brings them to me. "

He broke it when he threw the brick." She asks me.

"Yes he did." I answer. what happened on my tour, yesterday, and this morning. It's to much my tears slip my control and slid down my cheeks.

Nikki pulls me on to his lap and holds me. I don't cry often. I try to be quiet. But the children hear and come down the stairs and from the living room. They all cuddle as close as they can to both me and their Dad. I feel tears on my shoulder Nikki is crying too. We are doing something that should have happened long ago. Together we are morning a child neither of us got a chance to know.