My Heaven And My Hell

Fire 5/27/05

A loud explosion shatters the calm of night. I wake my heart pounding. I can see from the bedroom window the small guesthouse is on fire. I ignore my ankle and rush out to the living room. My father is already calling 911. The kids come down the stairs Gunner and Charlie guiding the younger ones. I have them all tonight it was one of our twice a month movie nights. I stumbled to the back glass doors and watch part of my property burn. Thank god Noah is away seeing his family. The thought of him being inside makes my heart ache. I'm really sure this wasn't an accident. I'm just relieved that he didn't target the main house. Hearing the sirens I step away from the window. The emergency lights are flashing joining the fire adding more light to the night. This is the last proverbial straw my home is no longer my safe haven. I need to call Nikki the children are frightened. They need him. I need him.

Nikki is on his way. My mother has the children at the table. She is making hot chocolate for them. She is good at calming people.

I'm still feeling the shock. I sit quietly on the couch. I'm lost in my own Thoughts. I should have known he wouldn't go away peacefully. I feel responsible. I really thought I had taken all the steps to lose him. It's not like the dickhead can read. I look out the window. They have it out. A police officer enters solemnly.

"You need to know they don't think it was an accident. The Chief thinks someone tossed a Molotov cocktail threw a window. A fire investigator will have to confirm it." He asks everyone if they saw anyone. No one saw a thing. We were all sleeping. He leaves shutting the door quietly.

Nikki and Donna come through the door moments later. Donna checks the her kids over and glares at me. Nikki sits beside me on the couch.

"They think it was an Molotov cocktail." I tell him.

"You need more protection Jenny. You need a security fence and gate. I think you should hire Noah full time." He's not suggesting this time he's insisting.

Everyone is tired. Nikki insists everyone go back to bed. My Mom and Dad take the kids back upstairs to put them to bed and I go back to my room to sleep. Donna is ready to be hostile, but Nikki gives her a look and tells her to go to bed with a hard tone. She shuts up and goes into his room. I don't take much offense at his tone. He's scared and angry. I just take myself off to bed praying the rest of the night is peaceful. I hear him check the locks and then pace the house a few times before entering his room.

Nikki's POV

I can't believe the balls this fucker has. Jenny has a restraining order against him and assault charges. Tomorrow we start looking for a new house for her and the children. I don't think I'll get any sleep but after checking the locks and windows. I head to bed.

Donna is sitting on the bed pissed and starts on me immediately.

"Why can't we just take the kids home? I don't want to stay here!" She hisses at me.

"Because I'm not leaving my other Four kids here without me here to protect them!" I raise my voice to make my point.

"It's all her fault." She grumbles.

"Do you really think she's the only one he is pissed at! I stole her out from under his nose and fucked her. Then I made him look like a stupid cuckold in court." I state coldly.

"Oh," she whispers and rolls over facing away from me.

I know I just opened another wound. If I said I was sorry she wouldn't believe me anyway. So I just stand and stare out the window. I turn and see her crying. When I get back from this leg of the tour I'm going to find my own place let her divorce me. It should of happened years ago. I turn and walk out. I can't comfort her if I'm the one causing her pain. I lay on the couch and stretch out. I groan in self discussed I don't deserve either of them. I close my eyes and try to sleep.

Jenny's POV

I hear her cry. My heart hurts for her. My husband constantly cheated. I know how she feels and I'm the cause. The guilt is overwhelming. I get out of bed and walk to the couch. Nikki's breathing is familiar I think he's asleep. I take the blanket from the back of the couch and cover him up. I take myself back to bed. The house is quiet. She must have fallen asleep. I lay awake tears in my eyes. I love him so much. I'm so sorry. I should have stayed away.