My Heaven And My Hell

Oslo, Norway and LA 6/10/05

I can't wait to here Jenny's voice. I call as often as I can. The phone seems to ring forever before someone picks up.

"Hello this is the Grey's residents." I hear a male voice.

"Ah who are you?" I ask.

"I am Duke Jenny's big brother who are you?" He says. I can hear the good humor in his voice.

"Nikki." I answer.

"It's your lover boy Jenny." He quips. I can hear the catcalls and whistles in the background.

"Stop it your embarrassing me." She groans.

"Hi" she giggles.

"Hi baby. How did the move go?" I ask.

"It went great. My whole family showed up to help unpack." She laughs and She muffles the phone. "I heard that."

"Your whole family?" I chuckle.

"Yes parents, siblings, their spouses, their children and a few cousins." She giggles again.

"Damn and I'm missing the excitement." I sigh.

"Don't worry it's my turn to host Thanksgiving this year and before you think you will miss it. They've decided to work with your schedule." She laughs.

"Ah how kind of them." I groan. Her brothers probably want to give me a few punches for continually knocking up their little sister out of wedlock.

"It won't be that bad." She tries to reassure me. I can hear children in the background laughing and talking. "The kids are having a good time with their cousins."

"I'm glad they are having a good time." I answer.

"It's almost show time I have to go. I love you." I say softly.

"I love you too." She answers sweetly. I hang up. I miss them so damn much.

After the show I sit in my dressing room alone. Well until my band mates stumble in.

"Hey Dude you want to go hook up with some girls?" Vince asks with a sly grin.

"No." I groan.

"Ha he's got two women at home who would skin him alive." Tommy jokes.

"Tommy which one should he keep the blonde or burnett?" Vince keeps up the roast.

I'm so not amused.

"I'm not sure." he strokes his chin thoughtfully. "Can he keep them both."

"No way he's gotta choose  Morticia or Barbie." Vince snickers.

"This is a tough one." Tommy continues to stroke his chin.

"Would you two motherfuckers get lost." I huff.

They continue the discussion as they leave weighing the pros and cons of each women.

"Sometimes I really hate them." I grumble.

"Don't let them get to you Nikki. They are just a couple of jack asses." Mick says as he leans against the door frame.

"I do need to settle this." I answer. I just can't make myself choose.

"Yes you do. Donna not making it easy on you. She's decided to be all sweetness now using your guilt and the little one." He comments.

"Yeah how did you know?" I ask.

"I don't say much but I hear and notice shit. I wouldn't want to be in your position." He answers softly.

"Any advice Mick?" I sigh.

"Ha God no women use me like a doormat." He chuckles. "Well I'm outta here.

"Thanks anyway." I whisper.

Jenny's POV

"Duke shut up?" He thinks he's so funny.

"I was just stating a fact. My baby sister wrangled herself a rockstar." He smirks.

"Thumbs up on the use of your vagina." He chuckles. There are moments I wish I had one." He announces.

"Duke!" my mom scolds trying not to laugh at his crude humor.

"She's been Crued by the Sixx." He laughs and so does everyone else.

I hate being the baby of my family sometimes.

"Don't make me..." I growl.

"What's you gonna do?" Little miss rollie pollie. I bet you couldn't even catch me." He grins.

"I'm not that big yet." I smack him playfully. He musses my hair and smiles.

"Sometimes I think you two forget you are adults." My oldest brother comments dryly. We just grin.

I glance over at my father and my heart sinks. It doesn't matter how successful I am I can't gain his approval. He's ashamed of me. First my short affair with Crystal. Now my affair with Nikki. He won't forgive. I feel the tears coming. I rein them in. Stupid pregnancy hormones I huff. The kids come running into the room.

"Hey no running!" I try to reprimand.

"Go change into swimsuits. We can go swim in the pool." Duke offers. They run out of the room.

"Don't run!" I holler. It's no use they are wired. All the children are here including my nieces and nephews that makes fourteen kids running amuck. I'm glad Duke is willing to keep them busy and out of way. There is still unpacking to do. I head to the kitchen so I can finish there. My Mom and my sister Jo catch me and make me sit. They Let me tell them where I want things. I can't wait to get this cast off. I remember when I had to give in and hire a housekeeper. It was a hard one to swallow. I like to do things myself. But if I wanted to have time with my children and time to be a writer. Something had to give.
  An interviewer asked me recently how I can you write with so many children in the home. I laughed and told her the happy sounds of my children is a calming background noise. It's only when there is an argument, tears, and especially silence do I get disturbed. Complete silence from kids is never a good thing.

I'm bored. I pull my laptop to me and open it. There is Nikki he smirks back at me. He lays in his bed red sheets barely covering him. I miss him. I smile at the photo. He's my favorite person to photograph. Well next to my children anyway. 

"Wow." My sister giggles. I grin at her. I close it. My Mom has found something she thinks I can handle. Yeah!!!