Short Poems

To Be Honest 7-2-19

To be honest,
I don't know how you feel anymore.
I don't recognize you,
I don't even know what makes you smile.

You called me your angel,
Now I feel like Medusa.
She was so beautiful,
Another Goddess turned her into a monster,
Who turned people into stone.
Because I lost you,
I've become a monster like Medusa.

A monster in the dark,
Feasting upon the broken shards of my heart,
Left on the ground.

I question my thoughts sometimes.
Do you know,
You're my home?
You were my safe haven from the darkness deep inside myself..

Do you know,
I want to go home?
I've been craving to run into your arms.
Just hold you close to me,
Feel your heart beat.
Feel your body heat,
And smell your scent.

We were quiet broken when we met,
But getting as close as I did to you,
I felt whole.

Even as the days wear on,
I hold you close to my heart.
I've watched,
And felt as you've slowly let me slip,
Right though your finger tips.

Sometimes I wish,
You held on tighter.
I wish I held your hand,
More firmly than I had.
I wish I had let you know,
I didn't want to let you go.
I wish I fought harder.

My mind races,
A thousand miles per second.
Wheels turn,
And I think about you...
About Us.

I know people judge me,
I'm normally insecure,
Anxious,
And frightened.
But when I was with you,
I didn't care.

For the longest time,
I felt like no one could hear me.
I felt like,
No one could see me fighting myself,
But you did.

I felt relieved,
Cause I finally had someone.
Someone who understood my pain,
My struggles to live,
And the need to be loved.

But I realize,
I was living a dream.
The dream wasn't mine to keep,
I guess.

To be honest,
I don't know whose dream it was,
But it didn't seem to fit my life right...

Sadly I had to give up,
I had to let go.
Even though,
I didn't want to.

I remember,
When everything changed for me.
My heart,
Became a flooded mess of pain and agony.
I remember,
The pain and anger,
Took over.
I nearly went crazy with grief.
Even though,
You had hurt me,
I forgave you,
And I'm still in love with you.

Yeah,
That one saying,
The more you forgive him ,
The less you will love him,
Is correct.
We get so tired of forgiving,
We love them less and less.

But the thing is,
I love you so much,
I just get mad and frustrated,
You don't try to show that you feel the same way.

I sense no effort,
I feel the coldness.
I want you to fight for me.
If you tell me to stay,
I will.
But if you tell me to stay,
You better made me feel wanted.
Cause if you don't,
I'm going to leave you alone.

Do you remember singing to me?
I listen to those songs on repeat,
Just playing them,
Over and over again.
Closing my eyes,
I let myself remember your voice.

I wish I tried harder,
Not to fall asleep on the phone,
Just so I could hear your voice abd breathing more.

So many regrets,
Now that my time with you is Over.
I'll try harder next time.

I'm going to love harder,
Be more open,
Even if it breaks me more.
I mean,
Then...
At least I will have something to write about.

I know,
I grow after every experience,
But I also,
Lose pieces of me.

Every person I let come close,
Take small souvenirs,
To remember me.
Slowly destroying me,
But it's fine.

I wish I could lie,
But I can't.
I've been in love with you...
Since September.
It hasn't even been a year...
But it feels like ages.

It's always felt this way.
The first month felt like,
Five years.

Sitting in the grass,
Watching the sunset,
I lived for that.
Your eyes and smile,
Were far more beautiful than the sunset.

Sometimes,
I just watched you,
Smiling to myself.
Looking away,
So you never knew.
But whenever you die catch me,
Your smile,
And tilt of your head.
When you asked what,
I couldn't say anything accept,
Nothing.

How was I to explain to you,
You mesmerize me?
How was I to say,
You make me fall in love with you even more,
Every second im with you?

So I held it all in.
But now that we are apart,
I realized,
I never told you .

I know I told you I loved you,
But did I ever tell you,
You drive me crazy?
Did I ever open up and say,
I felt free with you?
I finally felt like the wild mustang
Whom I adore.

Did I ever tell you,
I wished I didn't freak when you asked me,
Halloween night,
When I wanted to get married.
I should have kissed you,
And told you it didn't matter as long as I was with you.

I wish we were older,
So I could have made sweet love music with you.
I wish I could hug you,
And never let go.
I wish I was on your lap,
Cuddling you.

I remember crying,
Every single time I imagined you out of my life,
And yet.. here we are.

I've lost you,
And you're gone.
I am empty,
Trying my hardest to keep moving.
But I don't want to.

I don't want to accept it yet.
I don't want to wake up and be okay with It.
I don't want to let you go,
Not just yet.
Not today,
Not tomorrow.
Not ever...