Short Poems

Lost 12-26-19

I'm Lost.
These roads have been the only thing familiar to me since I started highschool.
These twisted and tangled roads of dirt,
Have been my only steering wheel to the train I've been trying to stop.
Every moment and ever memory,
I've come here to think over.
I've come here when I was broken and hurt.
I've come here when I was happy and hopeful.
Now?
I come here to realize...
I'm only getting older.
Every moment spent here,
Will never be the same once I wake up to adulthood.
Every tear I've cried will be mixed in with the mud.
Every night I've sat out here to watch the sunset,
Will be lost in time and memory.
Every thought that has been thought of here,
Will fade away with the rays of sunlight.
How do I plan to cope?
How do I plan to breath when all I can do is gasp for the precious oxygen my body needs?
How do I not become paralyzed with hopelessness?
God Help me.
Where are you when I am in the corner of the room,
Sobbing to you,
Begging you to take these damn demons away from me.
Where are you when all the veins in my body long to bleed?
Why have I become the creature that I feared in the dark?
I don't want to have this thirst to bleed,
To gasp,
To die.
I don't want to look at the fading sun and feel the mask peel off.
I don't want to fake the smile that you've somehow blessed me with.
I want to be a real person,
I don't want to be the fake person I've learned to be at the age of nine.
I'm tired of looking over my shoulder to make sure they aren't around so I can be the most real version of me that I can get.