There's more to life (Adopted by Brendon Urie) | #2

#27

Song of the Chapter: Phantom by Jessie Paege

Anna's POV

During the 8 hour drive to Salt Lake City, Ryan and Dallon's home, I scrolled through social media. Everyone I had seen so far had such a positive response to my speech last night. Dad called me 20 minutes after the show, crying, saying how proud of me he was for opening up to fans. Mum also said she was proud and told me dad had been crying for a while. Dallon and Ryan were both very happy for me. I think Dallon was also glad that I was talking about it. James called me too saying how happy I was opening up. We talked for a few hours and I told him that I was lying the other day when he asked me how tour was. I informed him about Liam and how I saw him at the shows. I told him about my realistic nightmare about him coming to Tyler and Jenna's house, my panic attacks that I had been experiencing. He listened to me rant and then made me promise not to lie to him, and that he didn't mind listening to me. I was kinda sad once we hung up because I wanted a hug from him but I knew the American leg was coming to an end and I was going to have a 2 week break before the UK.

I decided to jump out of my bunk and join Ryan in the living area. We play UNO for a bit until the bus stops for fuel. I stay on the bus but Dallon and Ryan jump off and walk into the petrol station. They asked me if I wanted anything, I shook my head no. Although, 5 minutes later, they come back and Dallon places a sandwich on the table in front of me.
"Daaaalllloooonnn." I whine.
"Annnnnaaaa." He wines back in the same tone. "Come on, you haven't eaten since that muesli bar. Please." I sigh and eat half the sandwich and try and keep it down. As soon as Dallon leaves the area, I place my head on the table and shut my eyes to try and ignore my swirling stomach. At this point, I didn't know if this was my eating disorder or if I was actually just sick.

"Anna you ok?" Ryan says, coming into the living space, I look up.
"I think so, just sick and I don't know if I'm actually sick or if it's my mind subconsciously making me sick so that it doesn't take in any food."
"Oh ok let me know if I can help."
"Thanks Ryan."

I decided to call Gee but he didn't pick up so I called Pete instead.

"Anna! Hey!"
"Hey Pete."
"I saw your speech last night online, I'm so proud of you."
"Thank you."
"Is everything ok?"
"Yeah I just, everyone is making me eat and Dallon just gave me a sandwich and I ate half of it but now I just want to throw up."
"You haven't have you?"
"No I haven't."
"Ok, are you at the venue yet?"
"No not for another few hours."
"Ok perfect, go lay down in your bunk for a bit until you feel better."
"Alright."
"Call or message me after ok? Let me know how you feel."
"Ok I will thank you."
"Of course."
"Bye."
"Bye."

I take Pete's advice and go lay down in my bunk after responding to Gerard's message, telling him I was all good. I decided that I wanted a nap so I fell asleep with my weighted blanket wrapped around me.

Ryan's POV

I was walking past Anna's bunk when I heard her tossing and turning. I knew she struggled with eating but I didn't really know how bad it really was until I saw her head down on the table.
"Please stop." She says. I carefully pull back the curtain and Anna was sweating and muttering to herself while asleep. I didn't know what to do but I knew I should probably wake her up. I carefully shake her.
"Hey Anna. Wake up you're dreaming."
She opens her eyes and she starts shaking, from what I assumed was anxiety.
"Anna? Are you ok?"
"Y-Yeah I-I'm s-sorry."
"You aren't ok are you?"
"I-I'm o-ok."
"Anna you're shaking and it's not because you're cold."
"I c-can't b-breathe. Anxiety."
"Ok can you follow my breathing for a bit?"
She nods and I breathe in and out slowly while she copies.
"Do you need me to get anything? Or anyone?" I didn't really know what to do I've never been alone with someone having a panic attack before.
"I'm ok now. Thank you Ryan."
"Would you like a hug?"
She nods so I give her a hug.
"I'm sorry Ryan."
"It's ok. Are you ok? You worried me."
"I'm ok. Pete told me to lay down because I was feeling sick earlier and I guess I fell asleep."
"I see. Do you feel better?"
"Yeah a bit."
"Ok well we will be in Salt Lake in about an hour."
"Ok, thanks."
She grabs her phone and goes to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water.