There's more to life (Adopted by Brendon Urie) | #2

#36

Song of the Chapter: Level of Concern (live from outside) by Twenty One Pilots

Brendon's POV

I decided I just needed to do it. I walk upstairs and into Anna's room.

"Anna. I'm sorry but this is enough. I know it's hard but you're fucking scaring me." I say calmly and sit on the end of her bed. James leaves us alone so I can talk. "I've spoken to Seth and you need to start eating and go back to therapy."
"I don't want to go back dad." Her voice broke.
"Why?"
"I don't like talking about it plus I don't even know how to word it myself."
"I know it's hard."
"Dad I can't eat. Every time I eat, I want to throw up."
I nod.
"You need to eat A. Just a bit at a time."
"I try but it's so hard."
"A, I know you're going to hate this, but we need to weigh you."
"No, no, no, no, no. No way dad. Anything else."
"I'm sorry A but we need to."
"I'm not looking at the number."
"I know. I wasn't going to let you."
She slowly follows me to my bathroom. I place my hand over the numbers so she wouldn't be able to see it when she steps on.

"I can't dad." She whispers.
"It's ok. I love you so much. You can do this it's not going to change anything it's just so I know that you won't be hospitalised." I hug her and kiss her forehead. She nods and steps on the scale. After a bit, I nod and she steps off. Once the scale goes back to zero, I remove my hand and hug her tightly.
"Well done. Thank you for doing that I'm proud of you."

We both go downstairs and Anna goes outside to join James by the pool and I talk to Sarah in the kitchen.
"So?"
"It's alright. Seth says if she's under 100 or we are worried but she doesn't want to go back. While I'm away, please try to get her to eat at every meal and call me please? I really don't want to leave."
"We'll be ok. I'm sure of it."

———

I hug Anna and Sarah goodbye as I get called to my flight. I knew I didn't do the right thing weighing her and stuff, I shouldn't be leaving right now.
"Brendon. You good?" Zack asks.
"Yeah. Do we have to go? Anna's not in the best mental state at the moment."
"Sorry. We have to."
I sigh and take my seat.

Anna's POV

We get home and James makes me sit at the dining table and eat some dinner. After moving my food around my plate for a bit, I sigh and ask to be excused.
"Love please try." Mum says. I keep moving it around my plate.
"Just a bit please." James asks.
"Please just leave me alone." I whisper and I leave the table. I go outside and sit by the pool. I put my feet in and hum quietly to myself.

And he pretends he's okay, but you should see, oh
Him in bed late at night, he's petrified
Take me out, and finish this waste of a life

Everyone gather around for a show
Watch as this man disappears as we know
Do me a favor and try to ignore
As you watch him fall through a bleeding trapdoor

I couldn't even continue the song because I started crying. I wanted to be ok. I wanted to be able to eat. I was screwing everything up.

I had probably been sitting out here for 10-15 minutes, just enjoying being outside.
"A little birdie tells me you are struggling."
I look up and see Pete sitting down next to me.
"You've been talking to dad haven't you?"
"Sarah actually. She's worried about you."
"I know." I look down and fiddle with my sleeve.
"What can we do to help?"
"I don't know." I shrug.

We sit in silence for a bit and I don't even realise I was crying until I feel a tear roll down my face. Pete notices too and pulls me close. He doesn't say anything. He just lets me cry softly.

"I'm sorry Pete."
"It's alright."
"I want to be able to go and eat but I can't. I get stressed out and then don't eat."
"Stressed? About what?"
"Stupid irrational things that I know aren't true but I can't seem to convince the voice in my head."
"I know you are definitely sick of this but you need to eat. What would you like? Sandwich? Apple? Noodles? Salad?"
"I'm not getting out of this am I?"
"No. Sorry."
"It's ok. I guess an apple."
He nods and walks inside. He comes back with an apple and hands it to me. I just toss it from one and to another a few times before taking a bite.

Why are you eating?
Stop it
Stop
Anna
No
Stop
Please just leave me alone
It's an apple
You're going to get so fat
You already are fat but you'll get fatter

"I-I can't do it."
Pete sits back down next to me and puts his arm around me.
"Yes you can. You've taken one bite, just take another."
"I can't." I choke out.

Sarah's POV

After Anna walked out, I called Pete because I was scared. They were both outside by the pool. I was behind them, inside, leaning against the door frame. I heard some of their conversation. I knew Pete was trying to get her to eat and hearing her cry and not eat, made me tear up. It was like last time except this time we knew what was happening slightly more than last time.

"Sarah?"
"Oh hi James you ok?"
"Yeah. Thanks for dinner. Are you ok?"
"You're welcome. I'm ok, just worried."
He nods understandingly.
"Me too but I don't know what to do."
"We don't either. I'm scared she's going to be back at the hospital. Do you know about that?"
"No?"
I encourage James to follow me to the kitchen so we could talk.

"When A was 14, Christmas Day and the days leading up to it she didn't eat and we didn't notice until she fainted. She was in hospital for a week or so and she refused to eat they actually had to put a feeding tube in because it got so bad," my eyes watered as I remembered seeing Anna screaming and crying with Pete holding her.
"Shit, sorry I just didn't realise it was that bad."
"It's ok."
"She- what- how did she keep it a secret?"
"We always knew she struggled with eating but we didn't know it was so bad until then. She was a pro at making up excuses that we believed."
"How do we help?"
I shrug.
"We just have to try and get her to eat and make sure she knows that we are here for her."

"I can't Pete! I'm sorry." We hear from outside followed by Anna rushing inside and upstairs. James and I look at each other and Pete walks in and sits at the kitchen bench and sighs.
"I tried."
"Thank you." I smile sadly. I go upstairs to Anna's room, I could hear her crying on the other side. I sit next to her on her bed and rub her back.

"It's ok."
"I-I'm sorry m-mum I tried I-I couldn't." She cries and I pull her close to me.
"It's ok, I know you did."
"Why can't I be normal?"
"No ones normal love, you are amazing how you are ok? Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."
I heard a phone ringing downstairs and Pete comes into Anna's room with my phone. It was Brendon.

"Hey."
"Hey babe. How's it going?"
"Hold on give me a second."

"A. I'm just going to take this ok? I'll be back."
She nods sadly and I step out of her room.

"Hi. Sorry I was with Anna."
"You're all good. Everything ok?"
"Not really. She's not eating, I'm scared Bren. I'm really worried."
"I know. I am too. Has she eaten anything?"
"Not really. Maybe a bite of an apple."
"Is she ok?"
"Just upset. I think she's annoyed that she can't eat."
"Oh ok."
"How's New York."
"Just landed and driving to the hotel now."
"Why are you there anyway?"
"Something about the label or what not. Because I haven't really released any music and they want to know why and if I'll be releasing any soon."
"Are you?"
"I don't know. I don't want to lose my label but I haven't liked any of the music I've created."
"I'm sure it'll be fine."
"I'm at the hotel now, I've got to go. I love you."
"I love you too. Bye."
"Bye."

I walk back into Anna's room and she was sitting up against the headboard in a foetal position. I sit back down next to her and hold her tightly.
"How can I help you love?"
"I don't know. I don't know."
I just stayed with her for a while and she soon fell asleep on my shoulder. I lay her down and carefully place a blanket over her. I kiss her head and turn the lights out.

I walk back downstairs.
"James, it's late. You should probably go to sleep. The guest bedroom is all set up for you."
"Thank you Sarah, I will and thank you once again for letting me stay."
"Of course. Goodnight."
"Goodnight."
Pete and I wave James goodnight as he walks upstairs.
"She ok?"
"She's asleep, but I don't know. I'm scared Pete, I'm really scared." I say and a few tears escape my eyes.
"I know." He gets up and comes over to me and hugs me and lets me cry.

"Come on, it's been a long day. How about you go to sleep?" He suggests after a minute or two. I nod.
"You're welcome to stay if you want but I can imagine you want to go home."
"Thank you but I'm going to head home but I'll come back tomorrow."
"Ok, thank you."
"Goodnight Sarah take care."

I lock the door behind him once he leaves and go upstairs to my room. I pull the blanket over my shoulders and shut my eyes.