Blind date (yandere x reader) (UNDER EDITING)

'Puck' you

"Looks like you got another Sunday roast to finish. I saw what happened from here." Tiana told you as she removes her gardening gloves

You sighed and rubbed your face. "Yeah, guess I give out some kinda odour to attract those assholes like flies."

Tiana shook her head. "That's what ya get for being a damn bottom." You showed her your middle finger.

Then, you told her everything that has happened. From the death of your phone battery, to Vasilios's amazing voice acting, to his multiple meltdowns and finally to Thor's birthday. You only earned a sympathetic nod from Tiana.

"Oh yeah, turns out Vassy ain't only swinging in one direction." You raised an eyebrow.

"As long as whoever that person is a bottom, he'll bang. Guy, girl, both or none, if their resume fits his criteria, boom. You're hired."

"Huh, guess Harlowe's right. He really is a public dildo." You snickered.

"But get this, most of the dudes he banged didn't really like him. Yes, they loved his skill in bed and his 'sexy dominance', but they didn't like that he forced them to crossdress and act like a woman sometimes." You grimace at Tiana's information.

"Hey, that ain't cool. Wait, so that means they left him on their own?" Tiana covered her mouth.

"Umm, some yeah. Some nope. Accordin' to those who broke up with him, Vasilios just rolled his eyes, ghosted them and blocked them from all forms of contact. It's like, he literally disappeared from the face of the earth."

"Damn."

"And for those who tried to rekindle what 'they had' between Vassy or tried to be his friend after the breakup was slapped with a restraining order. This applies to all his exes, by the way." You knitted your eyebrows.

"...so all his umm... old flames were slapped with a restraining order?" Tiana nodded.

"Nah, only those who wave hello to him after breaking up, his body count is so high that its probably in the hundreds or something, I dunno." Tiana licked her dry lips before continuing.

"I heard from a buddy of mine, she was an ex and tried to say hi to Vassy in the mall's parking lot. He ignored her and like zoomed off. The next day, she received a restraining order from him in her mailbox."

"That bad?"

"Yep, guy's a prick." You scratched your head.

"Brandy found (f/n) yet?"

"Nope, but he did send a guy on the case."

"Who?" You asked.

"The guy who you sucker-punched him so hard that a tooth came flying out." You grimaced and hissed in embarrassment.

"Oogh, right. Lizard T-boy. Why is he helpin' me out after that, though?"

"He wanted his 'great, greater, greatest grandma's' music box back. Brandy promised that you'll get it back for him after this snitching thing is resolved." You nodded your head and smacked your lips bitterly.

"Right, his music box. How is he now, though?"

"We don't know either, we tried calling a few of his phone numbers but he ain't picking-"

"Weed chick!" Both of you turned around to see a heavily injured Lizard stumbling into the farm. His clothes were ripped and drenched in blood, his face was swollen and bruised.

"Lizard!" You exclaimed.

"What the hell happened to you!?" Tiana rushed to him.

"Dudette, I don't even know how I got here. All I know is that my brand new gun ran outta ammo and my wallet went bust. Gimme some beer, my whole body hurts and I wanna numb this shit." Lizard turned his head to you.