(2) Overnight Sensation: An All Time Low Fanfiction Romance

Chapter 24: Shower

        I scrubbed vigorously at my skin, the boiling water turning my body a bright, irritated red. I couldn't stop. I was washing until I felt clean, but I knew that would never happen. I would never feel okay about myself ever again. I did to Adam what my mother did to my father.

        I cheated.

        I knew my mother cheated on my father. I knew that when he was at the base for days on end, she'd go out for the night with an old friend and leave me with a baby sitter. Sometimes I tried to understand why she'd do that to my father; try to reason inside my head that it's because he wasn't there for her, but even that wasn't true. My dad loved my mother more than any other person in the world.

        It didn't hit me until I was a teenager that while I would spend time at home alone, my mother was sleeping around with men she'd see at the gym or while grocery shopping. I should have known this when I was little. I should have noticed the way she was speaking on the phone so secretively and giggle before telling me to go to my room. The way she would bring a guy home to meet me, and tell me that they used to go to high school together. It was complete bullshit, and I was to naive to understand it.

        I knew my father knew, and I was sure that he knew I was aware as well. We just chose to nevr talk about her, to pretend like she wasn't the reason I was alive, or ignore the fact that she was never part of my life. I vowed from the age of thirteen that I would never do the terrible things she did. I would never run away with a man, or cheat on someone I cared about. I promised that I would never hurt someone the way she hurt my father.

        Now I know that I'm a dirty little hypocrite.

        To make it worse, it was with Alex. It was with a boy that I wanted to hate more than anything in the entire world. It was a guy that I could have killed most of the time, and wanted nothing to do with. It was a teenager who wasn't worth my time, and I did it anyway. The part that pissed me off the most was the fact that I couldn't bring myself to forget the way his mouth tasted.

        I shuddered at the thought, putting more pressure on my skin. I was sure I was going to scratch away my skin until there was only bone left. I didn't feel any better after I made my entire body as red as a lobster. I couldn't wash off the guilt I felt and the terrible thoughts in my head.

        When I woke up in Alex's bed this morning, I did the only thing I thought of. I didn't even realize the fac tthat I was stealing his car as I grabbed his keys and threw my clothes over my body. The only thought I had was how close his almost naked body was to mine, the way the crook of his neck smelt, the way we were wrapped around each other. It was like we were holding on for life, and instantly I wanted to throw up. I got out as quickly as I could, unable to look at his face.

        I parked his car in the driveway and stumbled into my shower, where I tried my fucking hardest to let the dirty images from the night before wash down the drain, letting the water take away all the terrible things I had just done to Adam.

        Oh my god, Adam.

        I groaned to myself, hair dripping while I leaned against the side of the bathtub. I slid to the floor, allowing the burning water to splash over my body. The steam was escaping from behind the shower curtain to the vent above. Is tared at the water as it slowly slid down the drain.

        How could I do this to Adam? We've only been dating a few weeks and he was the nicest guy I'd ever met. He was committed to me, to spend time with me, to try to make this work. We've both met and had dinner with our families. His family was charming, inviting, and kind. His sister was the nicest person in the world. He was trying his hardest to be nice to my friends, to even get along with Alex, for me. This is what I do to repay him? Sneak off, drunk, and get close to doing the unthinkable with the guy who would rather see him dead?

        I began to lift my head off the plastic wall and hit my head off of it with more force that I expected. The noise and pain rattled through my brain. I didn't care, I was too wrapped up in everything that happened, everything I'd done wrong, everything I screwed up, everything that was completely my fault, just like my mother.

        "I'm. Not. Her!" I screamed to myself, fist pounding against the tub. Tears threatened the corners of my eyes, before finally mixing with the dirty shower water. I pitied myself, trying to stop myself from crying. I couldn't stop. I couldn't believe myself.

        I really was a terrible person.

        I managed to pull myself off the slippery ground and turn the water of funtil there was only a dripping from the pipes. I pulled a towel around my body, and wrapped one around my long hair. I still felt absolutely disgusting. I hated it.

        I rubbed my eyes, opening the door from the bathroom, unable to look at myself in the mirror. I couldn't do it; I was too disgusted with myself. I didn't deserve eye contact, even from my own reflection.

        The steam rolled across thef loor of my room while I closed my curtains. I slid into black yoga pants and a loose fitting green v-neck t-shirt. As I put it on, I thought of Alex and grunted to myself. I was so frustrated, so confused, so fuming at myself.

        I flipped onto my bed angirly, hoping that Karma would come and bite me in the ass. I wished that something would come crashing through my window and hit me so hard I'd be taken from this earth. I didn't deserve to be here. I wasn't worth the oxygen.

        My phone vibrated on the table, and I froze. It lit up, signaling that I had messages. One that just came in and one I'd missed while I was in the shower. I swallowed the lump in my throat, hesitant to move. Ic ouldn't feel my limbs, they were numb.

        Somehow, my fingers moved to swipe the phone and allow me to feel like I was getting hit by at truck. It was from Adam.

        Hey you. I hope your night went better than you thought it would. Call me when you get up or text me. Sleep well (:

        I felt my heart drop into my stomach and tears sting my eyes. I wiped them away quickly and got rid of the text as quickly as possible. I hoped that by getting rid of it, it would help me forget what I'd done. It didn't work.

        I clicked down through my inbox, and pulled up the message I'd missed while showering. The truck was backing over me again, trying to make me more miserable. I saw the name at the top, the one name I didn't want to read whatsoever.

        I know you took my car, so Jack's going to bring me to get it after we clean up. Leave the keys in the car, or keep them and we'll see if we both get lucky again ;)

        I threw my phone across the room, letting it hit the wall with a crack, and crumble to the rug underneath it. I realized that it was probably unfixable as it lay shattered on the ground. It couldn't be put back together, just like what I did last night.

        I couldn't take it back.