(2) Overnight Sensation: An All Time Low Fanfiction Romance

Chapter 33: Deserve

        I couldn't waste any more time. I couldn't make this harder than it already was, and I hated how I had to do it. It was killing me, the way that this was happening. I felt like such a horrible person, but I knew I was going to hell no matter what. It as just living until I die at this point.

        I pulled into Adam's driveway at a snail's pace. He was leaning against the trunk of his car, and I swallowed my spit, unable to breathe. His face was enough to kill me; I wanted him to forget about me -- to kill me with his brutal words. I found myself quoting Jasey Rae, and wondering what Alex did in this position. I wanted him to be here, to run his fingers through my hair.

        Oh damn it, Stella. Get a grip for Christ's sake.

        I turned off my car, pocketing my keys quickly while unblocking myself from the front seat. I popped the door open and Adam was watching my every move. I left my doors unlocked, cell phone on the front seat. I felt like I wouldn't be moving much further than fifteen feet. I would be out of here sooner than expected by the face he had on.

        "You could've called me back, you know," Adam's voice was stiff, tense and guarded. I closed my eyes for a long moment, before opening them. I walked towards him slowly, hands slipping into the pockets of my jacket. I've never dealt with this before; how the hell do they do this in movies?

        "I didn't get your messages until this morning," I tried to justify my reasons. He didn't buy it. Hell, I wouldn't have either. I'd think I was the biggest liar in the entire world, and I don't blame him one bit. He deserved to be like this -- completely and one hundred percent.

        "So, when did it happen?" he asked while grunting. I eyed him curiously, what does he mean?

        "When did what.."

        "Damn it, Stella, you know what I mean," He snapped at me, unable to contain himself. I felt myself clear my throat and my cheeks were like flames. When did Alex become more important to me than Ada, or how that came about? "When did he kiss you, touch you, change you?"

        "Two weeks ago at the party you missed," I muttered softly. His breathing became worked up; he smiled wickedly at the sky while shaking hsi head. He crossed his arms tightly over his chest and muttered to himself.

        "Figures, Gaskarth always does this shit to people. See's that you have a girlfriend, and decides it'll be fun to see how long it takes before she falls for his shit."

        "Adam, I..."

        "You realize that this is all a game to Alex, right?" Adam seemed desperate, eyes unfocused as he glanced all over my face. I ran my hands over my face, shaking my head. Why was this so complicated? "This is all fun until he finally gets you, then he lets you crash and burn."

        I cringed at the idea, and all I could think about was the first time we'd ever gone golfing and Alex saved me from falling at the 7/11. He didn't let me fall, even physically. I couldn't picture him doing it to me mentally. He's always there when I need it, even if he doesn't want to be.

        "It's different," I whispered softly, eyes finding his. He shook his head, smiling miserably.

        "It's not, Stella. It never will be. You're just another knotch in his belt," he used the cliche line and threw it in my face. I closed my eyes, fingers gripping the roots of my hair. How could I have let this happen?

        "I just -- think it isn't the right time for us, Adam..." I trailed off, unable to find or use the right words. There was none, there didn't have to be words because we both knew. A new determination grew in his eyes, and he was off the car and moving towards me quickly. He placed his hands on either side of my face.

        "Stella, we can fix this -- we can do something," his cool thumbs stroked my cheeks. His eyes were hopeless, begging for me to take the offer. I wanted to so badly, but too much had changed. I couldn't change how I felt.

        "Adam -- you deserve so much better than what I gave you."

        "No, I really don't. Stella, we're perfect this way," he murmured quietly. I melted into his grip, too sad and sleepy to pull away. I wanted to stay, I wanted to make it work, and I wanted him to be happy. He wouldn't have been happy with someone who couldn't love him back. He just couldn't.

        "Adam -- please, just hate me. It's what you should do. You should want me dead. Make me feel like shit. Please, don't want to be with me," I felt the tears blur my vision as I whispered.

        "I feel like you wouldn't be saying that to me if it wasn't Gaskarth that is changing your mind," He said through his teeth. I close my eyes and nod, his hand shifting with my movements.

        "I feel like that too," I choked out softly, leaning my head against his hands. We sat there, staring at each other miserably. We both knew that this wasn't supposed to happen, that we could have been right for each other, with the right time and place. With Alex here, there was no right time or place. Alex threw the world upside down, and tainted the choices I made, the future that I could've had with Adam.

        "So we're the 'could have been' couple, aren't we?" Adam chuckled lightly, wretchedly. I felt a laugh bubble from my throat and I nodded, wiping my eyes. I didn't want to be so upset -- but Adam meant more to me than anyone could've guessed. He was my first kiss, first date, and first boyfriend. He was a huge part of my life I never wanted to forget.

        "When you get married to a girl that isn't a complete bitch," I cupped his face in my hands, "I want to be invited to the wedding, so I can realize how much I missed out on." He leaned into my hand ovingly, and I knew that I didn't -- couldn't -- love him the same way he felt about me.

        "Don't talk like that, you aren't..."

        "Don't spare my feelings, Adam," I cut him off, smiling weakly, "I mean it, I'm not worth the time."

        "Okay," he grinned gloomily, agreeing to get me to shut up before he leaned forward and pushed his lips to my nose for a moment, and then made his way to my lips. His fingers curled around my back and my hands were in his hair. This would be the last kiss with my first high school love -- and it was more depressing than you can ever imagine.

        "Thank you, Adam," I whispered against his lips, pulling away completely. He stared at me blankly, a glum expression as he waved with a half-hearted smile while I backed away. I waved back, tears in my eyes. I yanked open the door and sped off before I let the tears fall freely.

        I never knew how much it heart to lose someone so close to you until now, and I felt that in that moment, I only knew a billionth of the pain Alex did when he lost Daniel.