Super auntie! (c.c. & s.m.)

By your side (chapter 15)

"The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn’t being said.”
–Peter Drucker

Camila POV

My alarm to feed Riley woke us up at some point. I gave Riley her milk and told Shawn to go back to sleep. He was so cute and waited for Riley to drink the milk and only as Riley and I got back in bed, he fell asleep.

Riley also fell back asleep quickly and I stayed up a little longer to look at them. No matter how happy I was, there was a part of me that was being pessimistic....

I know Shawn said that he wouldn't leave me, but let's be honest....I need to take care of a child and I don't think someone like him, who could literally have anyone, would want me.

He said he loves me and loved me for a long time, but why would he want to be involved in this complicated situation?.... I don't want to hold him back.... I love him too much and I want the best for him. Maybe this relationship thing wasn't the best idea.

I mean he needs a girlfriend who will start a life with him and my life is literally fucked up. Maybe it wasn't the best thing either to include him in the whole Riley situation.

Shit I'm starting to overthink. I'm going to go crazy.

I tried to fall back asleep and forget all those thoughts, but I couldn't. I couldn't sleep and I also couldn't get my mind free. I groaned in frustration and hid my face in the pillow.

,,Are you okay?" I heard Shawn's voice and as I looked up from the pillow, I saw him and realized I woke him up.

,,Yeah...I'm fine..."I lied and he rubbed his eyes and then looked at me with a concern look.

,,Then why aren't you sleeping?" He asked.

,,Because....ahm I don't know."

,,Mila... What's wrong?" He asked and sat up in the bed to look at me.

,,Nothing."

,,Don't lie to me."

,,Fine. I'm scared you'll leave." I said and he put a hand on my cheek and said softly:

,,I won't leave you. Ever."

,,How can you know that? And don't say because you love me because you might not love me one day and leave."

,,But I love you, Mila. The one year we didn't talk killed me. Do you wanna know how I was!? Trust me, you don't wanna know."

,,Tell me. I need to know." I said and he took a deep breath.

,,Everything was going good financialy speaking. I had my praxis and stuff, but.... I was everyday with my phone in the hand and wanted to call you. I never found the courage to do it. I was scared of what you would say or I don't know. I-... I was literally a man hoe while I was trying to forget you. I got at some point I told myself I don't love you and that I was happy with my life, but if that would've been true, I wouldn't have drunk every day to get my mind away from you. Mila, I was a mess. I was a mess and I didn't want to accept to myself what I really wanted. I wanted YOU. I wanted you in my life." He said and I felt some tears in my eyes.

,,But I feel like I'm holding you back. I feel like you should have someone that doesn't need to take care of a child and-"

,,Mila, stop! I love YOU! I don't care about any other girl on this planet! I love you and only you. You are not holding me back! You brought me back to the reality and....I love Riley too. She's the cutest baby I ever seen and she's melting my heart every time I see her. Mila, I don't care that you need to take care of her, I even wanna be by your side if you let me." He interrupted me and stroke my cheek with his thumb and wiped a few tears away.