Aurora Borealis

Chapter 51 - Play The Stranger

>> • BALDO • <<

"Tingnan mo 'to, 'nak! Nasa TV si Lauren!" my mother enthusiastically pointed at the television.

"Yeah."

Naririnig ko pa rin ang audio na nasa TV kaya kahit hindi ko tingnan ay alam ko na kung anong ibig niyang sabihin. That ad.

I put on my uniform and left her there in my apartment. It's her day-off so she decided to stay here for a while.

I don't feel like going to university, but I have no choice. Even if the world stops at a standstill, I should force myself to move or else I'll get caught up in it too.

Last night's sleep wasn't good, either. It's barely even a sleep. Nothing's working the way I wanted it to anymore.

Lauren's mom's words are still echoing in my mind. I would be a liar if I tell myself that what she told me didn't matter at all.

"Para na 'kong sirang plaka sa kauulit ko sa mga sinasabi ko, pero hindi ako mapapagod na mag-ulit ulit hanggang sa maintindihan mo, hijo."

Hinayaan niya munang makalayo kami ng tuluyan sa kuwarto kung nasaan si Lauren bago niya ako kausapin.

"Lumayo ka na sa kaniya. Mainam na rin namang makalimutan ka niya." walang pasintabing sambit niya. "Kung umaasa ka pa rin, ako na ang humihingi ng paumanhin at nakilala mo ang anak ko."

Hindi niya naiintindihan.

Sa sandaling nakilala ko nang lubusan si Lauren ay hindi naman pagkakamali na dapat ikahingi ng paumanhin.

"Naiintindihan ko po na iniingatan niyo lang din siya, pero hindi po ba mali na subukan niyo siyang kontrolin?"

Hindi pa rin siya kumbinsido sa sinabi ko. Sa halip, nakita ko sa mukha niya ang pagkuwestiyon sa mga sinabi ko.

"Alam ko kung anong mabuti para sa kaniya. At hanggang naniniwala siyang tama ang ginagawa niyang pagsuway sa 'kin, hindi ako titigil sa pagpapaalala na walang magandang naidulot ang hayaan siyang gawin ang gusto niya."

Her look changed into a sympathetic one. She held my shoulder and stared at me right in the eye.

"She doesn't even remember you anymore. Ano pa bang ipinaglalaban mo?"

I blinked a few times and broke the eye contact with her. "My feelings."

Inalis niya ang pagkakahawak sa braso ko. "If you love her, you won't be selfish to prioritize the reciprocation of your feelings over my own daughter's happiness."

A weak sting of guilt struck me dumb.

Am I forcing myself on her?

Am I overstepping my bounds?

"I'm sorry, hijo. But I don't like guys who are all talk. What my daughter needs is someone who is man enough to back up on his words. And I would appreciate it if this will be our last conversation."

Napahinto ako sa paglalakad.

It's only six in the morning. My class starts at nine. Why am I getting up early when I can still take a quick nap before going to university?

I turned around and went back to my apartment. Gulat namang bumaling sa 'kin si Mama.

"Oh, akala ko ba papasok ka na?"

"Maaga pa. Mamaya na 'ko aalis." walang ganang sagot ko at pumunta sa kuwarto ko. Ini-lock ko iyon dahil baka bigla na lamang pumasok si Mama. She doesn't have an idea about what really happened at the hospital since I only told her that Lauren's doing fine. I don't want my mother to feel devastated with the current situation.

Itinapon ko ang sarili ko sa higaan at isinubsob ang mukha ko sa unan. I don't know why but it feels like the day feels different.

Don't think of her, Barron. This is the right time to start forgetting.

It's not like I'm lovesick. Baka nga infatuation lang 'to. Those feelings will go away, I believe and I hope.

Start from thinking of things completely unrelated to her, like painting.

Right. Our professor asked us to submit a project, a painting in particular. We can use any subject we want, as long as we'll be able to pass it on time.

It's only a few days left yet I haven't think of a subject. Common choices would be flower vases, fruit baskets, abstract paintings, or a portrait of someone.

Might be a good idea to paint my friends--

No.

She's also one of them.

What about painting Carlos?

Sounds good. But no.

It was her suggestion before.

I rolled over and stared at the ceiling, and in the walls. There weren't portraits back then. She--

Geez.

I searched for my phone and dialled Aero's number.

"What do you want at this hour? I'm preparing my breakfast." he greeted as I heard sizzling sounds on the other line.

I'm still searching for words to say when he spoke again.

"Kung natukuran mo na naman 'yong phone mo at aksidente mo kong natawagan, please lang sa susunod ipatong mo na yung phone mo sa bedside table."

"Hello? May kausap ba 'ko rito?"

"H-How's Lauren?" my lips twitched upon speaking of her name.

"I don't know how would I answer that. First of all, I'm not living at Lauren's house." kaswal na sagot niya. "But if you're asking how she's doing, I think she's doing well based on her Instagram posts."

Kneading my head harder on the pillow, I hit my head for asking a stupid question. What on Earth am I doing?

"Nevermind."

Pipindutin ko na sana ang end call nang magsalita siya ulit. "Does it feel tight on your chest?"

"What do you mean?"

"Seeing her. As if she's got hold of your breathing." pasaring pa niya.

"You're spouting nonsense."

"Maybe that's because you're also spouting one." sagot niya.

"I have one question, Aero. I need your honest opinion."

"Fire away. Just make it quick because I need to eat."

"Would it hurt to see her once more?"

A moment of silence falls short. I can hear him sighing.

"What are you going to do? Force her to remember you?"

"No. I'm just going to watch over her for the last time." I replied. "Is it wrong?"

"Wrong, not really. Creepy, absolutely. Hopeless, very much."

I sarcastically derided, "Thanks for your honest opinion."

"Pretty much when people bargains about last time doing something, they thought they will get enough of that moment they sought and be satisfied when in reality, they will not. To be honest, I wouldn't be surprised kung hihirit ka ng isa pang beses para tingnan kung kumusta ba siya." pahayag niya.

"I swear this will be the last time that I'm going to see her."