Aurora Borealis

Chapter 36 - Start Taking Turns

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"What are you doing here?"

He's the fifth person to approach me, asking for an apology, and he's the only one who kept on coming every time.

"Don't you feel alone?" tanong niya at ibinaba ang paper bag na hawak niya sa harapan ko. "Here, I brought you some food, and mangas too."

No matter how many times I've pushed him away, he just kept on coming back, like a swaying breeze of air.

"Why are you doing this, Aero?" sinubukan kong hindi magpadala sa kung ano mang ibinibigay niya sa 'kin. Ayokong ipakita na madali akong magpatawad.

We're the only ones here in the old playground where preschool kids used to play. Nasa ibang banda ng Academy ang bagong palaruan na itinayo, isang lugar na hindi gaanong masukal at delikado.

Sumalampak siya sa sahig at sumandal sa pader, nakatingala sa kalangitan nang may blangkong ekspresyon. "Until when will you keep running away from us?"

"I'm not running away. I'm seeking new refuge where I can be alone by myself, thinking of the things that I don't usually think of when everyone's around." sagot ko. "Much like what I did before."

"Before?" he kept on staring blankly at the azure skies.

"You'll hate me too if I told you, so I'll tell you." I said, looking down at my fidgeting fingers. "I'm the one who brought up my own misfortune to myself."

"What do you mean?"

"I am crippled, but not for inborn reasons. I am what I am right now because of an accident that took place last year." panimula ko. "That time, I also got mad at them for the same reason, but I never told them that so I can't blame them for their ignorance. I turned away from them because I don't feel that I have a place on that friendship."

The bitterness inside me is still lingering from what happened back then, restraining me more from doing what I want.

"I found new friends that time. They kept on telling me that they understand my circumstance, and I know they really did, because they've been listening all the time. West and the others forbid me from going with them, telling me that I'll only put myself in danger if I kept on coming with those people, but I never listened because I believed what I feel more and that I thought that they're only telling me those things so that I could avoid my newfound friends." I uttered, and tucked my hair in my ear because the wind's starting to blow stronger.

"One night, inaya nila ako na magroadtrip, kahit saan basta pakiramdam namin na malaya kami sa lahat ng sandali." my voice's shaking, and going softer because the nightmare comes back to me again, even if I'm widely awake.

"Then, we got involved in a car accident. The others got a few wounds and scratches, while I lost my ability to walk again. Hindi ko alam kung sinong sisisihin ko noong mga panahong 'yon." I can't take the heaviness of my heart anymore and found myself letting it out.

"I spent months in the hospital, bedridden until my legs healed the wounds. I was there, waiting for that friends of mine to drop by at least once, but they never did. That's when I realized West and the others were right all along." I whimpered. "I decided to be with them again, but my handicap only made my insecurities about myself grow bigger."

"I envy them. I really do." pagpapatuloy ko. "I always wanted to be the center of the group, but I know that's selfish, so I just kept my thoughts by myself. But then, naiisip ko na lang, nakakapagod palang mapag-iwanan, ano?"

"Pinipilit kong kumbinsihin yung sarili ko na 'baka kung ano-ano lang 'tong naiisip ko', o 'panandaliang lungkot lang 'to'. Sana nga ganoon na lang, para hindi ko na kinakaawaan ang sarili ko."