Incorrect statehouse quotes (And Headcannons) because I can

40

Mass @ Alaska: You're like 90% torso shut up

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Florida: Why are you looking at me through a fork

DC: I'm pretending you're in jail

Florida: Why

DC: It's spiritually healing.

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Cali: Gotta get me one of those black bath bombs so I can dramatically emerge from the water like I'm rising from the pits of hell

Utah:

Cali: Self care y'know?

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DC: Write an essay on something you're passionate about

Florida, scribbling on a piece of paper: From a ripe young age I've always wanted to fit minimally 34 crepes in my mouth-

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SoCal: S[he] Be[lie]ve[d]

NorCal: ...SBeve...?

NorCal: How the fuck did you say that outloud

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Cali: You know what your problem is? Your so cute no one's ever told you to shut the fuck up

Texas:

Texas: ...you think I'm cute?

Cali: Oh look I think DC is calling me-

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Wisconsin: Would you date yourself?

Illinois: No, quite frankly, I deserve better

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Ohio: Abracadabra

Michigan: ????

Ohio: Nope. Didn't work. You're still a fucking bitch

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Texas: *breathes*

Oklahoma: You think you're so cute with your daddy issues

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Colorado: Do you think we went overboard with the party decorations?

Louie: Nah it's cool

DC: tHE BACKYARD IS ON FIRE

Florida: Aethstetic

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Indiana has no mirrors in his room because ✨image issues✨

DC also has no mirrors in his room because he's a paranoid bastard but he thinks he's good at hiding it

ND is also very paranoid

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Indiana: Can you pass a napkin?

Florida: What are your arms broken?

Indiana: No but yours are about to be if you don't pass me the damn napkin

Florida: I'm gonna pass it to you but not because I'm scared

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DC: Bitches be like 'I'm not gonna sleep for days, making my paranoia worse, until I pass out and completely forget to take care of basic human needs because I use work to cope'

DC: It's me I'm bitches

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DC: You in what they say

DC: Roses are red, violets are blue

DC: Vodka is cheaper than a dinner for two

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Nevada: Your eyes are so pretty

Washington: Thanks they don't work

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Mass: I have adopted this sad nerd.

Mass: I've only had him for a day and a half but if anything ever happened to California I'd kill everyone in this room and then myself

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A kid: *Crying* I'm lost!

Old DC: That's ok. We're all lost. Happiness is an illusion. Life is meaningless. Death is around the corner. Farewell

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CDC: Blue is not even a natural colour! Name me one blue fruit.

Texas: Blueberries-

CDC: BLUEBERRIES ARE FUCKING PURPLE