Is Forever Enough?

Chapter 2

"Meredith...I'm so sorry." Derek said as he walked towards her to pull her into his arms. Without hesitation she stepped away from him not allowing him anywhere near her.

"Don't Derek. Don't touch me right now." Her features remained steady but her voice was harsh and almost spiteful. He thought about touching her anyway, but the angry look on her face made him think otherwise. Derek tilted his head and sighed.

"I wanted to be here...I did. But, the board asked me to sit in on a meeting and you know how huge that is!" His voice remained calm and he smiled, half expecting her to understand. His face fell as she backed further away from him and sent the sponge flying into the sink.

"It's always the hospital Derek. It's always the board. You might as well be married to the damn board." He couldn't remember the last time he had seen her to angry and it took him completely off guard.

"I don't know what else to say other than I'm sorry. You know telling the board no could have destroyed my chance at..." "No!" She interrupted, cutting off the rest of his sentence. "Don't say sorry to me!" She was fuming now, allowing all the anger from the day to be released. Her voice got louder and louder as she began to yell. "Don't say sorry to me! Say sorry to your daughter...who cried all day because her daddy promised to be at her birthday party."

Derek's face fell upon hearing her words. He loved his daughter, there was no doubt. He knew he had to make things right, but he had to idea what to say to calm his angry wife down. "I should have been here Meredith. I know, I'll make this up to her....to both of you..."

He stepped closer to her bridging the huge gap that was between them. His eyes begged her to look up at him, but he was met with only the back of her head as she turned away from him. She refused to look at him, as she intently watched her shoes.

She knew looking at him would cause her to melt. She'd forgive him and sweep it under the rug of disappointments he had caused that year. She didn't want to start a fight, she didn't want to have this conversation. But there was no way around it.

She was done avoiding. Finally, she took a deep breath and said everything that had been building up for so long. "You've been absent Derek. You act like you're not even in this relationship anymore. We barely see each other, you never make time for Ava, and I've been like a single mother for the past year."

He was shocked by her admission and stood silently for several minutes trying to process it all. He knew he'd been spending a lot of time at work. 'she seemed to understand all that....where is this coming from,' he thought as he watched her nervously fiddle with her blouse.

She stopped fidgeting and looked him straight in the eyes once more as she worked up more courage to finish her tirade. "I was Ava's age when my father left. It broke me, I was never the same. I wont stand here and watch the same thing happen to her."

She could tell the statement had an affect on him immediately. His eyes grew wide and her words left him speechless. He ran his hands through his dark curls as he thought of the best way to reply. "Meredith, I would never leave her. How could...how could you even think that?"

Sadness was evident in his voice and his words hung in the air for several minutes before the anger rose up in her again. "How could I think that!? Because you are leaving her! You are never here to put her bed, you're not here spending time with her, and you're making promises you can't keep!."

Her voice was louder than before and she began to pace around the kitchen. Finally she stopped and looked him square in the face. "I wont let you hurt her like Thatcher hurt me!!"

She had said it. The thought had been rolling around her mind all day and she felt better once it was out of her head. Meredith knew she had hit him hard. He reacted as if she had physically slapped him.

Suddenly his eyes had turned dark and she could see his face turn red in anger. "Don't you dare compare me to Thatcher!" He spat, raising his voice to match her earlier pitch.

His words boomed through the house and she was a little taken back by their intensity. "You....you encouraged me to go for this position! You have never said anything about this before and now all the sudden you spring this on me like I'm worst man of the year!"

They were standing face to face both equally angry and both unwilling to let down. "I encouraged you because I knew how upset you were when you didn't get chief! But, you promised not to let it interfere with your family!"

Derek was frustrated and well beyond angry. He wasn't sure what led him to say what he said next. "I would have been chief if we hadn't of had Ava! He picked Mark because he knew you were pregnant!" He regretted the words the minute they were out of his mouth.

She stood speechless. Shocked at his admission. He could barely stand the look of anguish on her face as he watched her green eyes glisten with tears. He wanted to grab her in that moment and never let her go. She wiped away the tears that had already made their way down her face before she replied. "I'm sorry your wife and child got in the way of your perfect career. Don't turn it around on me. We didn't plan to get pregnant, but that little girl is the best thing that ever happened to us!"

Meredith was sobbing now and unable to make out anything else as her body began to shake. He couldn't stand to see her cry and wrapped his arms around her apologizing. "I know...I know. I didn't mean that. I'm sorry." She let him hold her for a brief minute before getting her anger back and pushing him away. "No. No, I just...I have to think for awhile." In a daze she wiped the remaining tears out of her eyes and grabbed her keys off the counter.

He called her name as she made her way out of the kitchen and into the hallway. She ignored him as she walked out of the house and slammed the front door on her way out. It took a few minutes for it all to sink in but once it did anger overtook his body. "Dammit!" He screamed listening to his voice echo through the silent house.

With a quick swoop of his fist the contents of the counter crashed to the floor. He ran his hands through his hair as he began to pace around the kitchen contemplating his next move.

Derek paced around the kitchen overcome with anger and guilt. Anger because he had caused Meredith so much pain once again, and guilt because he acted like a complete jackass.

Him and Meredith never fought. He wasn't used to fighting and though she usually avoided everything, it wasn't like her to storm out of the house. He wanted to call her, wanted to apologize, but the tiny voice calling him name from upstairs stopped him dead in his tracks.

A panicked feeling went through him as he realized their fight must have woken up Ava. He kicked himself for being so careless and stupid. Knowing his daughter would be terrified, he took the stairs two at a time anxious to comfort her.

She was standing at the top of the steps with tears running down her face for the second time that day. Her blonde hair was wild and messy from the party and the princess makeup Izzie had put on her was smudged all over her face. She had a frightened look in her eyes. Almost the same look Derek had seen in Meredith's just minutes before.

Sometimes he couldn't help but marvel at how alike the two girls were. "It's okay, daddy's here." He reached her within seconds and lifted her into her arms. "You were yelling...are you mad at me and mommy?" His heart broke, upset that their fight had caused such a reaction from Ava.

She buried her head in his chest and continued to sob and he made slow circles around her back trying to rock her back to sleep. "No baby, I could never be mad at you. You're my little princess." His fingers unconsciously ran through her knotted hair.

Ava clutched as his shirt, not willing to let him go. He rocked her for several minutes before her sobbing stopped and she seemed to fall back to sleep.

Carrying her down the hall to her bedroom he couldn't even think because the fight kept running back through his head. How had it all even happened? He wasn't sure. All he knew was they used to be happy. They used to have everything they had ever wanted...and now...now he wasn't even sure what it was they wanted. He admitted to himself he had been a little absent.

He just wasn't sure why he had been absent. He loved his wife, more than he could even say, but there was still something that caused him to go the extra mile at work. Something in his head was keeping him at the hospital...begging him to stay he just had no idea what it was. All he was sure of, at that moment was that he had hurt his little girl, and no apologies in the world could make up for that.

He laid her down in her bed and moved to lay next to her. He couldn't let her go yet. He just...needed to hold on to her for a minute longer. Maybe then...it would all make sense.

Meredith sat alone in the car for what seemed like hours. The rain pounded down against her metal SUV creating a noisy tin sound. She had cried non stop since she left the house and found it hard to calm down. Derek loved her. She knew that...but sometimes he just had a horrible way of showing.

She knew he was devastated when he didn't get chief. But, his admission about Ava took her completely off guard. "Was he unhappy? Is this the reason he's been so absent?"

She had no idea what to think, all she knew was she had to get away from him. Wiping the tears out of her eyes she pulled out of the long drive way and drove as far away from their land as she could.

The rain pounded harder and harder making it impossible to see the road...but she kept going anyway. She lost track of time as she drove down the familiar street. Finally, she stopped out front of a familiar house and watched as the living room lights were being flicked off.

Her mothers house brought back wonderful memories of her friends and she wanted to go in, more than anything. She wanted to be comforted and held and go back to the times where they where they laid underneath the Christmas tree laughing.

She had left the house to Izzie and Alex once her and Derek moved out. She couldn't bare to see it sold. She thought about knocking on the door, but didn't want to keep her friends up all night worrying about her. Instead, she kept crying. Not wanting to think of the fact that her marriage could very well be failing.

The tears streaming down her cheeks seemed to mix with the rain beating against the window. She just sat, for hours and hours not even caring what time it was. She didn't arrive home until 3 AM, glad to see Derek had not waited up for her.

Her clothes dripped all over the house and she shivered in the air conditioning. She found Derek, sound asleep in Ava's bed. Her hands were on his chest, her hair fanning around his neck. His one arm was wrapped protectively around her. Meredith couldn't even remember the last time he had held her like that. She missed his strong arms rocking her to sleep.

In a daze she stripped off her clothes in the hallway leaving a trail to her bedroom. She didn't even care that she was naked as she crawled into her huge king sized bed. Sleep was hard to come by. The bed felt cold and empty like she had almost every night that week.