Is Forever Enough?

Chapter 10

Addison squirted the cool jelly expertly over Meredith's still flat stomach causing her to flinch. In the 4 years since Ava was born she had forgotten just how cold the jelly could be. "Alright Meredith, just give me a second and we'll be ready." It was almost 8 PM and they were alone in the room having chosen to do it so late so they could fly under the radar of the hospital gossip. Having Derek find out she was pregnant from some nosy nurse was the last thing Meredith needed. Addison had had enough trouble keeping their conversation the night before from Mark. He was concerned and begged her to tell him why Meredith had been over so late. He even pulled the "Derek's my best friend so I deserve to know for his sake!" card. Addison felt bad and told him it was just "girl stuff" knowing he would feel obligated to tell Derek if she told him his wife was pregnant and thinking about aborting their baby without telling him. It sounded silly even in her mind and she really hoped seeing the baby would get Meredith thinking clearly.

"Isn't it a little early for this? We could do it next week...yeah after Izzie's wedding is done and over with...that would be better..." Meredith went on sitting up on the table. Addison smirked and sternly pushed her back down. She wasn't going to let her make any mistakes. After Meredith had calmed down the night before Addison had wanted to confess to Meredith that she had aborted Mark's baby all those years ago. She had never told anyone but Callie that, not even Derek...but she didn't want to put her friend in an awkward position just to give her some perspective. Her and Mark had both moved on and gotten over that betrayal, but after it took her so long to get pregnant with Peyton, it was hard to believe she had given away what could have been her only chance at being a mother.

"Nope, we're doing this today!" Addison said forcefully pushing her back down and moving the device over Meredith's abdomen searching for the right spot. Suddenly, and before Meredith was prepared for it a small heartbeat echoed through the room making a clear whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, sound. Addison smiled as the black and white image filled the screen.

"Alright, here's baby Grey-Shepherd.." Addison moved the wand around checking for size, and pointing out things. "Here's it's stubs that will be arms...and there is the head...this is really early...so we wont really get a clear picture" Meredith lay there staring at the screen in awe. She had been much further along in her pregnancy when she saw Ava for the first time and then the fear of being a mother overtook the feelings of joy. She was speechless and Addison went on not really able to read the look on Meredith's face. "Everything looks good. It has a strong heartbeat and I don't see any abnormalities so far. You're about 6 weeks along from what I can tell."

Addison looked at Addison for the first time and smiled. It surprised her, to smile, but suddenly she couldn't stop. A warm feeling washed over her and she instantly felt connected to the tiny fetus growing inside of her. "Oh my god...that's it...that's my baby.." It hadn't been real up until this point. Yesterday she could avoid and pretend she wasn't pregnant and today it was real. She was having a baby. It scared her, but all she could imagine were images of another Ava or little Derek running around and her heart raced.

"Do you want me to print a picture? It doesn't look like much, but you can make out the outline." Meredith nodded her gaze turned to her stomach admiring her hand that was grazing over her soon to be baby bump. "Yes...yes I'd like that." Until now she didn't think it was even possible to love something as much as she loved Ava. All of her worried faded away as she sat bonding with her developing child. "How could I have thought of not having this baby?" She was upset now, and Addison smiled at her knowing that the ultra sound was just what she needed. "Meredith, you didn't think... that was the problem."

Meredith nodded, agreeing with her and pulling her shirt back over her stomach. "I'll tell Derek...I will. When the time is right..." Addison arched her eye brow in a motherly way and Meredith shot her a glaring look back. "I will! I refuse to tell him over the phone...and he's in New York right now...so it'll have to wait till he gets back." "Well, don't wait too long, he's a brain surgeon, he's bound to figure it out...the minute he sees you not drinking at the wedding he'll be suspicious...just like he was with Ava at my wedding..." Meredith smiled remembering Addison's wedding.

She had found out she was pregnant just the day before and had wanted to surprise Derek. She had it all planned for the day after the wedding and was sure he was going to be ecstatic. They hadn't really talked about children, and they had only been married a year, but it felt right and she was already in love with the idea.

Her plan came to a halt at the wedding. He couldn't take her eyes off her beautiful appearance all night and he noticed instantly that she wasn't drinking. She had lied and told him she just wasn't feeling well and then that opened up a whole can of worms as Izzie asked cluelessly if that's why she had a doctor's appointment the day before and suddenly her and Derek were fighting in the middle of the wedding about her being sick and keeping it from him. He stormed off and she ended up telling him in lobby of the hotel as she chased him back to their room. It was a bad fight and ruined her surprise, but the happy look on his face was still what she expected and the hours of long passionate love making still made her tingle.

Meredith laughed knowing Addison was right but still not even sure how to approach the topic with Derek. "I'll wait until he gets back to worry about anything right now.." She assured Addison. Addison went to protest, but was happy Meredith had made the right choice and didn't feel like ruining her happy moment.