Is Forever Enough?

Chapter 67

Derek took his time digging his knuckles into the small of Meredith's back. He was leaning over her hospital bed, chuckling as she let out tiny moans of approval. Every so often he'd hit a tender spot and her back would arch in pain. "Stop being so gentle." She ordered. She was laying on her side facing away from him, and tilted her head back to glare at him when he didn't comply. "I'm serious Derek, dig in."

"I don't want to hurt you, Meredith." He replied with a shake of his head.

"You won't." She huffed. He kneaded his hands in a little harder, but still hesitated. Her small bones felt fragile underneath his fingers. The pressure he added seemed to do the trick because she was silent for several minutes.

"Are you sure you shouldn't talk to Addison about this? Your back has been hurting all morning." He cringed, knowing she would be rolling her eyes at his worrying. He had woken up that day with a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach and hovering over his wife was the only way to put that feeling at ease.

"I'm carrying two people inside me. One of which is using my back as a trampoline." He stopped his movements on her back and made small circles with his thumbs.

"I know." He said sympathetically. "I just want to make sure it's nothing else." Meredith let out a sigh and moved over onto her back so that she could see him.

"And what else would it be doctor? Have you been practicing obstetrics on your days off?" Her mouth was turned up in a wry smile.

"Funny." Replied Derek dryly. "It could be a lot of things. Preterm labor for one."

"What exactly would you know about labor? Since I'm the one who's been in it before, I think I know what it feels like." With an arch of her brow she sent him an amused glare just daring him to argue with her.

"The article I was reading said back pain could be an early warning sign."

"What article?"

"Oh....just one in the latest journal I got."

"Since when do they put articles about labor in the neurology journal?" She had him there. Really it had been an article in Parents Magazine, but he wasn't about to admit that to her.

Luckily there was no time for Meredith to ask any more questions before Addison stepped into the room. "Good morning, Shepherds. Happy New Year." Meredith was still eyeing him with amusement, and he ignored her and focused on Addison to distract her. It was January 3rd, and so far the New Year was already going better than the previous year. Derek embraced it. Having a New Year meant he could start over with a blank slate in regards to his family.

"How was New York?" Asked Meredith, once she had given up taunting Derek with her eyes.

"Oh fine. It's a shame you guys couldn't go, everyone was asking for you."

"I bet they were. Did Peyton have her first 5th Avenue experience?" Asked Derek, while sitting beside Meredith.

"Are you kidding? She'll know the names of all the stores by the time she's two. Nancy says hello by the way. She also sent me with a message for you..."

"Oh god..."

"I think it was something like....thanks for blowing me off on Christmas."

"Our dinner was burning!" He defended with a sigh. Addison just laughed and went to work examining Meredith. It was such a common thing that none of the three stopped their conversation during the exam.

"How was your New Year's?"

"Oh you know, the best it could be from this bed. We watched movies with Ava..." Meredith started, not sounding at all upset over the fact that they hadn't been up all night partying. It had been a perfect night spent with her two favorite people.

"And there was sparkling cider and party hats..." Derek leaned in to whisper in her ear. "And kissing...definitely lots of kissing." Meredith cheeks flushed and she had to avoid Addison's gaze.

"I really don't want to hear this." Addison told him, sending him a stern look. "I should have banned kissing. It's never just kissing with you two."

"It was this time." He narrowed his eyes at her. "You can't ban kissing, it would be unhealthy."

"Do you want me to tell you all the places Mark kissed me against the blindness windows of the 15 floor penthouse?" She asked, seriously knowing it would shut him up. He had no reply, but his disgusted face said it all. "Good, then spare me the details." She taunted. Her weekend in New York had been good. So good, that she hated returning to work. It took her a minute to finish reading the reports from the machine that was constantly monitoring the babies' heart rate. When she was done she moved on to Meredith's blood pressure.

The couple was holding light conversation, but at Addison's frown they both stopped. "What is it?" Derek asked, not liking the way Addison's lips were pursed together, indicating she was deep in thought. Meredith took his hand in hers, stilling his sudden nervous movement against her thigh.

"Meredith, your blood pressure is 145 over 90. That's a huge jump from earlier this morning." Silence filled the room and Derek's face went pale. "I'm gonna put you back on the magnesium and we'll see what happens."

"I don't understand. I haven't done anything but lie here."

"It just happens, it's pretty common. It was almost back to normal at Christmas. The further along you get the worse it will likely get." Addison seemed calmed as she wrote notes on the chart. She had seen it before. It wasn't the worst news, but she knew it wasn't what the couple wanted to hear.

"Okay, so what does this mean? Do you think it's something to worry about?" It sounded silly once he had said it aloud. Even if Addison said no, he would still worry. He hadn't stopped worrying since the day she was admitted.

"Right now we'll just watch it. I'll have a nurse monitor her every hour again. I don't want either of you to freak out about it just yet." Derek looked at her incredulously, letting her know it was too late for that. He took it all in, taking the news much worse than Meredith. She was used to it. It wasn't nearly as high as her blood pressure had been the day she got admitted. Derek had just gotten comfortable with the fact that she had been doing better.

"She....her back is bothering her. Do you think this is why?" Addison stared at him for a second, and then shut the file in front of her. She thought about asking him if he really did go to med school, but she knew it would be too harsh in that moment.

"She's got about 40 extra pounds on her right now...it's rather common." She left it at that, not wanting to pick a fight with him.

"Thank you, Addison. Please remind Derek that he's a surgeon not an OBGYN." Meredith teased and squeezed his hand. He was lost in his thoughts and barely noticed. She didn't like seeing him so worried, but wasn't sure there was anything she could do to put the demons to rest.

"Derek, you're not an OBGYN." Addison said dryly and then focused her attention back to Meredith. "Have you had anymore headaches?"

"No."

"What about abdominal pain?"

"Not that I know of." Meredith wasn't underneath the sheets and it allowed Addison to look her up and down.

"You're still pretty swollen in your face and legs. You need to be let me know if you start feeling dizzy...achy...anything at this point. Your back is most likely that added weight."

"I will." She nodded and Addison narrowed her eyes.

"I mean it Meredith. I don't want any of this 'I don't want to alarm anyone' stuff. If you don't want to page your crazy husband, I can understand that, but I need to know."

"She won't have to page me because I'm not leaving." Derek said suddenly, and both girls stared at him with questioning looks.

"Derek, you can't be with her every waking minute of the day."

"I can be today, if this is that big a deal."

"She didn't say it was a big deal." Meredith argued in a soft voice. She didn't want him giving up his surgeries to sit by her bedside. It wasn't fair to his patients or the other doctors who would have to cover for him.

"It could turn into a big deal. I'll just push my 2:00 back." Addison clicked her tongue to the roof of her mouth to protest, but then realized it wasn't her battle to fight. She didn't want to put herself in the middle.

"Alright, Meredith, I'll be back to check on you. Derek, do not get her all worked up." She told him sternly and he shot her a glare before she stepped out.

"I'm not trying to be difficult here. I'm just worried." He told Meredith sincerely once the door had shut behind Addison. Meredith fought the urge to be annoyed. She couldn't blame him for being a nervous father-to-be. She could see the tension in his neck and shoulders building and moved closer to him hoping it would help. He was always so strong, or at least he acted that way. Her pregnancy had brought that shell down at a rapid pace. He was just as scared as she was and she couldn't be angry with him for that.

"I know, Derek. But really...staying here will only make me more nervous. Surgery is your way to let it all out and you deserve the chance to do that."

"How will you let it all out then?" He asked softly, worry dripping from his voice.

"Cristina will be here soon for lunch and I think Lexie is going to stop by with some Christmas pictures of Laura and Ava. It'll keep my mind off of it." Derek sighed and ran a hand through his curls until Meredith grabbed it and used it to cup her cheek.

"I'll be okay, Derek. I'm right here. Why don't you come by after your surgery?" He looked like he was about to argue, but she kissed his hand and leaned in closer to him. He was amazed at how well she had taken everything. Where he thought she would be the one falling apart all along...she was actually the one to hold them both up. They sat in silence for awhile, until the blare of his pager forced him to take action.

He left with great hesitation and still feeling like something just wasn't right.