Is Forever Enough?

Chapter 51

Derek and Meredith's escape from the office left a thick silence that made the nice size room seem tiny. Addison had not responded to Mark's initial question making him uncharacteristically uneasy. He felt left out of the loop, like everyone knew something. Mark Sloan was never left out of the loop, he was usually the one making the loop. He didn't like the feeling.

Addison wasn't feeling much better than Mark. She tried to smooth out her wrinkled skirt from her position on the floor, but the tears that kept escaping from her eyes made her vision blurry. No matter what she did, she couldn't get herself together. It was like all the emotions she had been holding in had picked that moment to flood her system. She didn't want to talk to Mark, he wouldn't understand. She wanted to crawl into a whole with her daughter and stay there forever.

Looking out the windows Mark realized how many passerby's were eyeing him curiously. Addison was out of their line of sight and in a move that surprised them both, he quickly sat down beside her. Her crying both frightened and confused him. His heart was pounding, and sending little stabbing pains of ache through his chest. Like being out of the loop, his heart aching wasn't something he was used to either. Or maybe he was, but his mind would never let him acknowledge it was happening.

His wife finally turned to look at him, and the complete sadness reflecting back at him made his breath hitch. His mind was in such a state of shock that he couldn't get another question out. But at the same time, he didn't have to. They hadn't been OK..in awhile. It upset him much more than he let anyone know...even himself. But she had been slowly unraveling for awhile, he saw it...yet a part of him didn't want to feel bad. A part of him wanted to stay mad at her forever. But, as he sat there, watching the tears slide down her cheeks...he was consumed with an overwhelming need to comfort her. It was different then Derek's need had been. Derek's need was driven by empathy and concern. Mark's was driven by guilt, his own heartache, but most of all, love.

"It's OK Mark. I just needed a minute." Addison finally broke the silence. Her voice had regained some confidence, but it was an act, one she had nearly perfected over the years.

Her lie astounded him. "You're clearly not OK. Are you going to tell me what's wrong? Or am I just supposed to believe you had a heart to heart with Derek for no reason?" He wasn't letting her get away with it, he couldn't now that he knew something was going on.

"It doesn't matter Mark. It's not a big deal." Even though she said without her voice breaking, the tears in her eyes contradicted her statement. He would have given up, and just left the office. She felt the need to keep a strong façade at all times, and he usually just took it and went about his day. But, something was grounding him to the floor. Whether it was his conscious forcing him or the growing ache in his chest, he wasn't sure, but neither would let him leave.

Instead of letting the frustration of her fake confidence get to him, he moved closer to her and softly replied, "It does matter...this isn't like you...you can talk to me." Addison let out a bitter laugh and wiped the tears from her eyes. She was feeling so horrible about herself that she didn't even want to admit it to him. Her biggest fear would be him agreeing with her...and she was sure once he did, that it would break the thin thread holding it all together. "I can't." Her voice finally broke, brought on by the images of him telling her she was a bad wife and mother.

He looked at her confused. "What do you mean you can't?"

"I just can't Mark!" She snapped. He sat back, surprised at the outburst...and the whole situation in general. He didn't know what to do...something told him just to be patient, and he did...though it was possibly one of the hardest things he ever had to do. The hospital needed him. There were patients and doctors and nurses whose day relied on him being there...and yet he made no effort to get up and go back to work.