Is Forever Enough?

Chapter 13

Giving a nod to the secretary Derek gave a soft knock on the large oak door before barging in. "Mark, you paged me right in the middle of a hemispherectomy!" Derek was annoyed and threw his scrub cap onto Mark's desk. A loud squeak was heard as Mark swiveled around in his chair and put down his copy of The New York Times. "That's chief to you.." He smirked, enjoying tormenting Derek. Ignoring his question altogether he added, "You know, I'll never get used to not being able to see every Yankees game on TV. Seattle just doesn't do it for me."

Derek sat down into the nearest chair and gave an annoyed sigh. "This is why you called me here? To talk about the Yankees?" Derek was irritated and not kidding. Two days had gone by since the wedding and someone seemed to be cursing him with every neuro case in Seattle. He hadn't had a moments peace and since him and Meredith had been working alternating shifts, he had barely seen her let alone have time to have a major discussion.

"Don't be ridiculous!" Mark replied, knowing he was getting under Derek's skin. "I paged you to see if you gave Hawaii any thought." Another loud squeak was heard as he turned to his computer and pulled up a web page. Derek could make out pictures of Hawaii as Mark began to talk. "I have to say, it is a beautiful state. I was thinking we could all get some time off and come to visit you. I would kill for some beach sex." Derek smirked at how crude his friend could be and rested his head on the back of his chair.

"I really haven't thought about it much...I pretty much knew my decision right away." Derek lied. He had thought about it, but only because he had promised Meredith he would. In truth, he had pondered his other option, going to Hawaii, but only long enough to find every negative thing wrong with it. Mark could tell by Derek's tone of voice what his choice had been.

Mark turned and looked at him closing out the web page. "I figured that's what you would say." "Any other time...I'd have given it more thought, but my marriage is in trouble...I can't deny that any longer. Meredith said she's understand if I went...but something tells me she'll have divorce papers drawn up when I get back."

Mark laughed. "I know, I wanted to offer it to you anyway. The things I do for you man. You know I've been couch bound for the past two days. Do you know how uncomfortable that sofa is?? All because I gave you the chance to further your career. You'd have thought I cheated on her the way Addison is acting towards me." Derek laughed, the first real laugh he'd had in days. He was secretly glad his ex-wife was so loyal to him and his marriage.

Derek's pager went off and he groaned knowing he would be pulled into another surgery. "I gotta take this. Hopefully it wont take too long, she'll kill me if I don't pick up Ava by 5." Mark stood up to see Derek out. "Well...you already sleep in that tin can of a trailer...she can't do much else..." Derek pondered that for a minute and then decided not to reply before running out of the room. Meredith could make his life much more difficult. "Addison's nothing compared to an angry Meredith..." He thought running to the elevators.

***

Derek relieved his tired arms by plopping the heavy bags of groceries onto the counter. He had come home earlier to find no food in the house and was more than frustrated to have to go to the grocery store. "Ava what do you and mommy eat?" He asked while managing to pry the bag of cookies out of her hands.

Once the cookies were out of his hands she began to insistently tug at his shirt. "Daddy please...please can we go swimming? I never get to go, please!?" Derek shook his head, "Ava it's dinner time you need to eat something other than pizza." Ava frowned. "But you and mommy are always at work and I never can go outside..." She said sadly piercing him with her expressive Meredith eyes.

Ava was skillfully playing the work card and Derek cursed the day he ever let Meredith talk him into getting a pool. Looking down at his daughter it was too hard to say no to her angelic face. "Just for a little, go find your suit." Ava cheered and bounded up the stairs. Not even knowing where to begin looking for his bathing suit, he followed her up the stairs. He couldn't remember the last time he had worn it and walking into his bedroom was like a bomb had gone off. It seemed like Meredith had taken out every outfit she owned and thrown it on the bed. She wasn't usually so particular about outfits and he was confused.

"Ava, don't go outside till I'm ready." He called before rummaging around his walk in closer for his bathing suit. After several searches he got annoyed and started flipping through his dresser drawers one at a time. Keeping an ear out for Ava he trudged to Meredith's dresser and flipped open hers as well. Something gray and white caught his attention as he was opening the drawer and he pulled it out from the papers that were only partially covering it.

He smiled taking a quick glance at the grainy photo that was in his hand. Thoughts of Ava as a baby and Meredith's pregnancy flooded his mind and he was suddenly overcome with emotion. He looked closer at the ultra sound photo and furrowed his brow curious as to why it was out of the baby album it was usually kept in.

Hearing Ava call out to him and not really worried about the photo he put it down only to stop when the paper it was under caught his attention. It was test results he recognized from the hospital and he instantly worried something was wrong. Feeling guilty about snooping through Meredith's things he unconsciously looked around before picking it up and reading.

Patient: Dr. Meredith Shepherd

Date: July 10, 2007

Test: Pregnancy

Results: Positive

It felt as if the floor had dropped out under him as Derek read the test results. All that filled his head was confusion. "She's pregnant?" He said aloud, his voice sounding foreign in the silent room. In a daze he looked back at the ultra sound picture and read the notes at the bottom. It was clear now, and he was surprised he hadn't noticed before. The picture was taken much earlier than Ava's first ultra sound had been.

Looking down to the very bottom he saw the doctor's name Dr. A. Sloan. The confusion was replaced with sudden anger at the thought of Addison knowing Meredith was pregnant. He threw the picture and paper onto the dresser and picked up the purple pamphlet that had been on the bottom of the pile. All he had to see was the heading "Planned Parenthood clinic" to realize that pamphlet was about abortion.

Dropping it to the ground he felt a wave of nausea wash over him and suddenly he was on his knees trying not to cry. His breathing was hitched and his mind was filled to the brink. He didn't know what to think. Had she had an abortion? Had she been pregnant and not told me? His heart felt as if it were slowly breaking into pieces and tears made their way down his cheeks. All he could picture were images of Meredith killing their child. His Meredith had betrayed him and suddenly feelings of hurt that he hadn't felt since finding Addison with Mark came over him.

He heard Ava jumping down he hallway but felt immobilized. The information was just too much for him and that's how Ava found him, sitting on the floor with his head in his hands sobbing.