Is Forever Enough?

Chapter 17

*The car ride was a blur to Derek. He wasn't sure how fast he was going or what questions Ava was asking from the backseat. Arriving at the hospital in only ten minutes he didn't even notice that it usually took 20.

He rushed in carrying Ava and her mismatched bag of toys not caring at the sympathetic looks he was getting from the gossip hounds of Seattle Grace. The elevator up to the OB floor was moving too slow and he tapped his foot impatiently, shifting Ava in his arms.

"Daddy, are we at your hospital?" Ava asked clueless to the face that Derek was close to a near panic attack. "We're visiting mommy." He lied...in a fake cheerful noise not ready to tell her the real reason they were there. Telling her would be admitting Meredith was anything less than fine.

Ava wrapped her arms around his neck tight nearly choking him in the process. "I don't want to see her, I want to stay with you!" She whined causing Derek to tense up at his daughter's new found dislike for her mother.

He didn't reply and shifted her weight again trying not to show how nervous he really was. Reaching the floor too slowly, Derek was met by Burk and Mark who were talking in hushed tones and suddenly stopped when they saw him approach.

"Wow, you made good time.." Mark dead panned looking down at his watch. Derek ignored him completely, his eyes were too busy scanning down each end of the hall. "Where is she?" He asked, his tone stern and to the point. He was unable to hide his emotions anymore and he plopped Ava down on the floor afraid he would drop her.

"She's still in with Addison..." "Is she ok?" Derek interrupted his impatience getting the better of him. Mark took no offense as he tried to explain. "She's awake now but I don't know anything more until Addison comes out.." Mark told his friend trying to remain calm...for Derek, even though he himself was freaking out inside.

He had been paged earlier when Meredith had collapsed. Everyone was panicking and he froze at seeing her pale body crumpled on the floor. He was scared and it reminded him so much of the time Meredith had almost died. He couldn't imagine Derek going through that again.

Mark wanted to tell his friend everything would be ok, but seeing the concern in Addison's eyes was enough to have him worried as well. "Derek, I'll take Ava down to the cafeteria...it'll be easier if you don't have to worry about her." Burk offered, wanted to do something to help. Cristina was already stomping through the halls of the hospital ordering everyone and their mother to figure out what was wrong with Meredith. He figured it was the least he could do.

Derek nodded and watched silently as Burk took Ava down the hallway. He slid down the side of the wall behind him and silently prayed...that everything would be fine. He never prayed...but suddenly it seemed like the only thing to do.

Mark sat by his friend knowing he had a million things to do...but wasn't able to stomach the thought of leaving his friend so alone. 20 minutes of sitting in dead silence later, Addison emerged out of a room looking flustered and worn out.

Her eyes were unreadable and her expression was blank causing Derek to worry even more. He knew his ex-wife, probably better than Mark sometimes...he should have been able to read her.

Standing up to meet her he bore into her with his worried eyes and before he could even speak Addison saved him the trouble and uttered "She's fine." Addison shifted her gaze from Derek to Mark and then back to Derek. "We need to talk, alone.." Mark got the hint..suddenly feeling awkward and gave Derek a pat on the shoulder as he walked away.

"Addison, please just tell me what's going on." Addison looked around at the nurses and doctors who had convened around Meredith's room and motioned for Derek to follow her into an empty exam room. What she needed to say was private, and should not be part of the hospital gossip mill.

He followed her, suddenly annoyed at her behavior and frustrated that she wouldn't just tell him what had happened so he could go see his wife. His heart was racing, pounding against his chest and once in the room, he felt more worried than before waiting for Addison to talk to him.

"What happened...Addison, I need to know already." He was almost begging, pleading with her to put him out of his misery and explain what had gone on. Addison couldn't help but feel pain for his ex husband. He was devastated at the thought of anything happening to Meredith.

"She passed out and she wouldn't come to for almost an hour. I ran every test I could thing of..." "Did you run a CT?" Derek interrupted suddenly frightened and knowing all the possibilities. "She could be bleeding from the fall...or....oh god she could have a tumor..." Derek was officially freaking out running his hands through his hair at a nervous pace and not even looking at Addison as horrible scenarios flew through his mind.

"Calm down." She demanded. Putting a hand on his chest to still his movements and then thrusting her chart into his hands. "I ran every test, it was all negative. She's dehydrated Derek. She's exhausted....and her blood pressure was through the roof."

Derek flipped through her chart scanning the results himself, not trusting the people that read them. He looked up at Addison and handed it back to her but then he pulled it back and went to read over it again.

Addison was surprised at his reaction and was growing increasingly annoyed with his behavior. "Derek, stop." She ordered, grabbing the charts out of his hands. "It was exhaustion. She passed out from exhaustion...too much has gone on lately, she's too stressed and to be honest...it doesn't surprise me."

Derek looked at her, sudden pain crossing his face as her words sunk in. It was too much, the fighting and the confrontations...god I'm an idiot. He thought...realizing that he had caused his wife to end up like this. A sudden thought dawned on him and he started throwing out question after question before Addison could even reply.

"The baby....is it ok? Did she have a miscarriage? Oh my god..I did this....I.." Derek was freaking out his head dropping in utter disgust with himself. Addison watched and smiled a little inside, not at the fact that it had happened, but at the fact that he had suddenly realized what an asshole he had been.

"Sit down Derek." She commanded, and he listened, propping himself up on the nearby bed and not even bothering to look up at her. "The babies ok...for now." Derek looked up surprised and a sudden wave of relief washed over him. He hadn't realized how much he had wanted the baby that had caused them so much turmoil until he thought about loosing it.

"Can I see her? I need to see her." Derek jumped up before Addison could stop him and she ran to the door before he could make his escape. "Derek, there's something else." He turned to her, and upon hearing the hesitation in her voice stepped closer to her worried once again.

"When I did her first ultra sound...it was quick...she was upset, I was trying to keep her calm and I missed it..I don't know what happened.." Addison was the one hanging her head now, feeling disappointed in the fact she had missed something so crucial.

Annoyed and feeling his heart drop Derek spoke up, needing her to finish. He was hanging on to her every word and couldn't handle her moment of self doubt. "You're having twins Derek..." Addison fumbled out, not sure how to tell him...not sure what he would say....not sure what state their marriage was in.

The world suddenly stopped and he found himself wishing he had stayed sitting down. Twins? That couldn't be. They hadn't even talked about the meaning of one baby let alone two...hell they hadn't really talked at all...more like yelled...Derek felt suddenly dizzy and noticed Addison had begun talking again but he couldn't even hear her.

"I missed it the first time...baby B was hiding...it's rare, especially since I couldn't make out two heart beats...but it happens...I'm pretty upset with myself.."

Derek shook his head finally tuning back in to what she was saying. He still couldn't wrap his mind around it...twins...how after everything he had done...how did something so great happen.

"I don't even know what to say..." He replied...in all honesty, not even able to find the words. "Does she know? What did she say? Was she happy?" He was freaking again, trying desperately to gauge Meredith's reaction. "No, I didn't tell her, I thought maybe you would like to...I thought...it would help.." Addison gave him a shy smile hoping she had made the right decision.

Derek smiled pulling Addison into an unexpected hug. She was surprised at first, but then wrapped her arms around him glad to see a happy Derek. "Go see her...she needs you." Derek whispered a thank you into Addison's hair and then stepped out of the room eager to tell Meredith the news, but afraid of how they would handle it at the same time.