Is Forever Enough?

Chapter 102

Derek liked spending time with his three daughters, but two days later, with both babies crying and a cranky four-year-old, Derek missed the small bed and breakfast with its quiet rooms.

"Please, let me hold her, she won't cry anymore, she'll like it." Ava begged. Derek was pacing the kitchen with Ella over his shoulder. The baby's loud screams were echoing against every wall. The normally large, open kitchen felt small and enclosed. Ava followed directly behind him like his shadow. She refused to stop, and had done nothing but beg and whine for the past thirty minutes.

Caroline, who was usually rather easy going, was making loud whimpering noises from the bouncer she sat in on top of the island counter top.

"Ava, you can't right now. She's too upset." Derek told her, but the girl still followed close on his heels. It was quickly driving him nuts.

"She will like it! Daddy...please!" No matter how many times Derek paced, or patted her back, Ella refused to give in to her exhausted body. Meredith had gone to the hospital to fill out some paperwork. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but with all three girls upset, he was starting to regret encouraging her to go out by herself.

Sighing, Derek was trying not to let his frustration boil over. Ella was overly tired, and he was sure Caroline was just crying because her sister was. He was actively trying to ignore Ava, but she started tugging on his shirt and his patience was tested. "I'll be good, daddy. I'll even wash my hands."

"Ava, I said no!" He replied, stopping his pacing abruptly to look down at the girl. The four-year-old wasn't deterred by his stern tone of voice and stared at him with a challenging gleam in her eyes. In that moment, she looked like a young Meredith. Shaking his head, he could only imagine what his wife had been like as a child.

Caroline's cries grew more impatient from the counter, and glancing at the clock, Derek thought feeding them half an hour early wasn't such a bad idea. It was hard to feed them both at once with just one person doing it. On a good day, he would let Ava feed one of them with help, but that didn't seem possible without Meredith there.

Grabbing two bottles and heating them up, he wished their crying would stop long enough so that he could pop a few aspirin for the headache that was developing behind his eyes. Walking to the counter with Ella in one hand and two bottles balanced precariously in the other, he noticed Caroline was crying so hard that her body had turned a bright shade of red.

Making a decision, he pulled the matching empty bouncer over and fastened Ella into it. The larger baby was stunned at first, and then once she realized her father had put her down, her tiny body tensed up and she cried louder than before. He had never fed them simultaneously, but there was a first time for everything...and he really didn't see any other option.

"You're okay, princess." He soothed to Ella as he tried to figure out the best way to feed them both.

"I'm your princess!" Ava said angrily, and he looked up in surprise. He hadn't noticed she had climbed up on one of the stools. Her arms were crossed over her chest and she glared at him until he spoke.

"You are all my princesses." Derek said, with a bottle in each hand. Caroline took hers hungrily, but Ella kept spitting hers out of her mouth. It seemed like peace had finally settled over the house, but then Ella refused to take the bottle again and her cries soon filled the air.

"No." Ava responded over her sister's cries. "You said I was your princess...just me!"

"You'll always be my princess, but your sisters can be too, can't they?" He asked calmly, but as Ella's cries wouldn't let up, his patience began to disappear. Caroline was slow at taking her bottle and Derek knew it would be awhile before he could pick up Ella to comfort her again. "You're okay, Ella, don't cry." His soothing words didn't make a difference, the baby refused to give up.

"I'll help you, daddy!" Ava exclaimed, and he looked up just in time to see his four-year-old crawl on top of the counter. Scoffing in disbelief, Derek lost his cool entirely.

"Ava, what are you doing?" Snapped Derek, but managed to keep his voice even.

"I want to help."

"Get down off the counter. We don't climb on counters."

"But why can't I hold her?"

"Because mommy isn't here to help you and I need to feed Caroline." As if on cue, Caroline turned her head away from the bottle and started to whimper. Ava still hadn't moved from her position on the counter and Derek's fists clinched in anger. "Ava, get down now!" Unfastening Caroline, he picked her up to burp her and her tiny cries stopped at once.

"I want to help!" Ava told him with as much defiance as he had ever seen from the girl. Ava, like her sisters, was cranky, tired and had reached her limit. Even at the age of four and a half, the girl still possessed a few toddler like qualities. She was walking the fine line between testing out her own independence and being down right bratty.

"You can help later when your mom gets home, now get off the counter!" His voice rose and boomed through the room. He hadn't meant to yell, but he saw no other option. Ava stared at him in shock, and the room was eerily silent...like the calm before a hurricane.

Derek had reached his own breaking point, and even as Ava's face transformed into one of despair, he couldn't stop the frustration from getting the best of him. All at once, Ava's dramatic cries burst through the silence and Caroline and Ella's soon followed.

The little girl got down from the counter and ran from the kitchen before he could stop her, and a part of him felt relieved. If he could just have silence for a second, maybe he could focus. Maybe...he could get himself together. Feeling completely out of control wasn't something he was used to feeling.

Derek's head was filled to the brink and he knew it wasn't helping the situation any. Caroline had grown increasingly uncomfortable with his tension and was flailing her tiny body in every direction. Making a split second decision, he laid her back into her bouncy seat and fasted her in. Both babies were screaming and instead of getting more frustrated, he stepped away from them entirely.

Allowing his feet to propel him, he moved backwards until he felt his back hit the counter top behind him. Even though it broke his heart to hear both infants so upset, he was paralyzed by the anger and frustration that still ran through him.

He didn't have much time to dwell on his situation though. The front door opened and shut and he heard the voice that instantly brought a sigh of relief to his lips. "Derek?" Meredith called, but he didn't have to respond. Her hurried footsteps resounded down the hall and through the foyer as she followed her babies' cries.

Stopping in her tracks once she reached the kitchen, she was stunned to see Derek leaning against the counter. "Is everything okay?" The fear and concern was evident in her tone. He didn't reply, but she didn't wait for him to either. Confused, and feeling a tad bit of fear, Meredith moved towards the island.

The chaotic scene was not what she had been expecting to come home to. Both Ella and Caroline were kicking their feet angrily, making the seats bounce up and down wildly. At first, Meredith felt a bit of panic. She didn't know what to do. But then, the adrenaline that accompanied walking into the kitchen subsided, and her motherly instinct took over.

Ella was closest, so she took her out of the seat and held her against to her chest. "Oh my goodness, why are we so upset?" She spoke to them in calm tones, that seemed to instantly calm both girls. Running her fingers over Caroline's face and head, the smaller baby was lulled by her mother's voice.

Even though she was well aware of Derek's presence in the room, Meredith kept her back turned and rocked Ella in her arms for several minutes. The babies' cries slowed to a gentle whine and then stopped completely as her eyes finally drifted closed.

With both Ella and Caroline content, the tension that had been in the room when Meredith entered disappeared completely. The smaller baby was staring at her from the bouncer with big, blue eyes, but she remained quiet as Meredith stepped away and turned to face her husband.

Derek hadn't moved from his position across the counter. He was staring at her with a weary frown with his arms crossed defensively over his chest. "Derek." The word came out as a statement and a question. Something wasn't right, but she didn't have to say anything more, he understood her silent question.

Shaking his head and letting out a loud sigh, he dropped his arms to his side and stepped cautiously closer to the island Meredith was hovering in front of. Tilting his head, he looked past her and to Caroline. Turning, Meredith followed his gaze to see that the baby had taken after her sister and also fallen asleep.


"Ella's cried for a straight hour, nothing I did worked. Then Caroline started along with Ava." His explanation left a puzzled look on her face.

"Why was Ava crying?" Defeated, Derek shook his head again. His eyes were full of emotion, Meredith could see it clearly, but she didn't comment on it.

"She wanted to hold them. All day she's been bugging me to hold them. Except, Ella wouldn't stop crying long enough for me to let her. Then she wanted to help feed them, but I couldn't do that and feed them both."

"Did you tell her that?" Meredith wondered in an even tone.

"Of course. But it didn't matter. She climbed up on the counter and refused to get down so I lost my temper and now she's in her room I guess."

"You guess?" She mumbled, trying not to sound condescending. It was unlike Derek to not know exactly where Ava was. Running the palm of his hand over his face, he rubbed his forehead roughly.

"I heard her door slam. So I'm assuming she's in her room." He bit back, but his tone did not frighten Meredith in the least.

"Derek." She said while shifting Ella in her arms. "Are you okay?" Taking his hand off his face, he looked at her with a dejected frown.

"I lost control, Meredith." He explained, but had a hard time looking directly at her. He felt kind of like a failure, and a part of him was afraid he would see disappointment in her eyes. "I just...lost control completely, and I'm not used to that at all." Silence fell between them, he let his shoulders slump in defeat. "I'm sorry you had to come home to that." He added in after awhile.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." She responded almost immediately, as if she had expected him to say that. Derek's mouth opened to argue, but she spoke before he could. "I was a bit apprehensive to leave you stuck with all three of them by yourself. They are a handful."

"I should have been able to handle it. At least I could have avoided having to yell at Ava."

"Did she bug you the entire time I was gone?" Meredith asked, knowing exactly how he felt because it had happened to her.

"She followed me around, refused to leave my side, and did everything she knew would irritate me."

Nodding her head in understanding, Meredith stepped closer to him so that the gap between them wasn't as big. "She does that to me all the time. It drives me nuts. I would have lost my temper too."

"I should have paid more attention to her." He felt guilty again, like he so often did when it came to his four-year-old. Meredith scoffed at his words.

"How could you have done that without letting the babies scream their heads off? Ava is older, she is self-sufficient, and capable of entertaining herself for awhile. She needs to learn that she can't have our full attention every second of the day. She was an only child for four years, it's going to take some time for her to understand, but she will."

"You think her behavior is due to lack of attention?" He asked with pain in his voice. Derek really didn't need to ask, he knew it was the truth. Instead of responding with a yes, Meredith just shrugged her shoulders.

"She's been your entire world all this time, I'm sure she feels a little left out and is acting out to get your attention." Derek's face fell at that, and Meredith went to work trying to reassure him. "Ava's really been a lot better since we first brought them home. She has done really well with all of this, I think it's normal to have a few issues once in awhile."

Derek looked at Ella and Caroline and then to Meredith. A small smile crossed his lips as he watched her continue to rock Ella back and forth. He admired her, so much so that it was hard to stay upset. "When did you get so smart?" He teased, and she smiled in return.

"Don't know. It was probably my crappy childhood. I just do the complete opposite of what my parents did."

"Hmm...I think it's working."

"I hope it's working. We don't need three dark and twisty teenagers."

"I kind of like you dark and twisty, at least...twisty." Meredith rolled her eyes at his suggestive reply. She was glad he felt good enough to joke. "Take Ella, so I can get Caroline."

"I don't know..." He said hesitantly, not holding out his arms. "She hates me today."

"She does not." Argued Meredith. "She just doesn't like when you get all tense and shouty. Take her. I want to get them used to sleeping in their bed while they nap."

"I was not shouty." Defended Derek, even though it was far from the truth.

"You already admitted you were. Take her, or get Caroline." Staring at Caroline who looked perfectly content in the bouncer, he doubted he could get her out without waking her up.

"I'll take Ella." He said, even though he was still hesitant. Arching her brow, Meredith waited for him to open his arms before carefully handing him the baby. Derek held his breath until Ella was safely in his arms. When the baby barely stirred, he smiled. "She stayed asleep." He said in relief.

"I figured she would. She's probably exhausted." Watching Meredith as she effortlessly lifted Caroline out of the bouncer, he commented on the fact that Caroline's eyes flew open.

"I'm surprised she woke up." Turning back towards him, she rubbed circles around the baby's back and motioned for them to walk forwards.

"She just wants to make sure you're not gonna shout at her anymore."

"Funny." Derek responded dryly, while following her out of the room and into the hallway. "I didn't shout at her. I shouted at Ava."

"I'm sure Ava will forgive you." Meredith spoke, but was heading up the steps and couldn't turn back around.

"We'll see. I'll go talk to her once we put them down."

Once she reached the top step, Meredith turned to wait for him. Looking at he expectantly, he waited for her to speak. "Maybe we should keep her home from school one day this week and you two can go spend the day together."

"A father-daughter day?" Meredith continued down the hallway with Derek following close behind. They both looked at Ava's closed bedroom door as they passed by on their way to the nursery.

"Yeah. A daddy day. I'm sure she'd love it."

"This is why I keep you around." He teased, and was rewarded with a smile from Meredith. Laying Caroline down and waiting to be sure her eyes closed, she stepped away and gave Derek room to lay Ella down. The babies still shared a crib, it was easy, and the girls seemed to sleep better with each other as company.

"Finally it's quiet." He whispered, as they both stared down at the quiet infants.

"Go be Ava's knight in shining armor and rescue her from her bedroom." Meredith insisted.

"If she let's me."

"She will." Assured Meredith.