Is Forever Enough?

Chapter 97

"What should we dress your sisters in today, Ava?" Meredith asked, smiling as her eldest daughter bounded to the closet and and threw open the white double doors. Although the babies were barely two months old, they still managed to have an entire closet full of clothes. Almost all of the outfits had been gifts, mostly from Derek's family. A lot of the clothes were way too big for the babies, but there was a decent amount of premature baby clothes as well that she wanted to use before the girls were out of them completely.

Ava couldn't reach the clothes on the hangers, but she pointed to each outfit like she knew exactly what it looked like. "Can they wear these? These are my favorite." Meredith had just bathed the babies and placed them into one of the cribs before coming to stand next to Ava.

"Which ones?"

"The pink ones!" Meredith had to keep herself from laughing. One whole side of the closet was filled with pink clothes.

"Which pink ones?" Meredith asked, and pointed to a few different outfits. Ava shook her head no to each one.

"Not those! They have to be pretty!" Sighing, Meredith gave up and picked Ava up into her arms.

"Get the ones you want." She told her daughter, watching as Ava wasted no time grabbing two garments out of the closet. Meredith shifted Ava in her arms. She wasn't as tired as she had been when they first brought the babies home at the beginning of the week. But, her muscles still ached, the type of ache that took several days of sleep to recover from.

Taking Addison's advice, Meredith and Derek had devised a system of dealing with the babies' late night feedings. It wasn't perfect, but it seemed to be working, because both parents found themselves less tired.

"Here there are, mommy." Ava exclaimed before clutching them to her chest. Ava had pulled out two matching pink sweat suits, and Meredith frowned.

"Ava, honey...these outfits look the same. I like to put different colors on the babies so I can tell them apart." Derek's sister, Shannon, had sent at least five outfits. Apparently, word had gotten around the Shepherd family that they were in need of more premature baby clothes, so day after day, new outfits would arrive. All of them were always pink....and all of them always matched. Meredith was grateful, and didn't have the heart to tell them that they weren't planning on dressing the twins alike.

"No, mommy, they have to wear pink. Both of them. And...they have to wear these, so then they match me!" It took Meredith a second to realize what her daughter was talking about, but, sure enough, when she took a second to actually look at Ava's outfit, she realized that it was almost an exact replica of the miniature ones she held in her hands.

Crinkling her forehead, Meredith asked, "Where did you get that?" She would be the first to admit that she didn't have every one of Ava's outfits memorized...but, she thought for sure she'd remember that.

"Aunt Shannon. Do you love it?" It was the first Meredith had heard about it, and she shrugged, knowing there were a lot of details that slipped by while she had been in the hospital.

"Of course I love it. Did you say thank you?"

Ava rolled her eyes at Meredith's question. "I called her on the phone! She said she made them pink because pink is my favorite color in the whole world."

"The whole world? Really?" Meredith shifted Ava to her hip as she carried the girl over to the crib that stood against the opposite wall.

"Uh huh. The whole, entire thing. It's really big you know."

"I do know. It's big, you're right." She was only half listening to Ava. She wasn't sure whether she should dress the babies in matching outfits or not. The thought scared her, more than she wanted to admit. When they were in two different colors, it was just so much easier to tell them apart at first glance. She hated not knowing which baby was which...it made her feel like a terrible mother.

The thoughts were pushed to the back of her mind though, as Ava started planting kisses on her cheek. "You're my favorite mommy."

"I'm your only mommy." Teased Meredith, and she kissed Ava back.

"Still my favorite!" Smiling at her, Meredith couldn't bring herself to disappoint the happy child. The babies still had their hospital bracelets on, if worst came to worst, she would look at them. Ava was right, all three girls would match, and Meredith thought it was important to include Ava in that.

"Alright, they can wear them...." Ava didn't notice the hesitation in Meredith's voice and hugged her happily.

"That's amazing, mommy!"

Chuckling, Meredith put Ava down. "It is amazing. You're right. Who should we dress first?" Peering through the bars of the crib, Ava didn't have to think about her answer very long.

"Cinderella! She's right there staring at me!" Looking into the crib, Meredith noticed that Ella was indeed staring up at them, kicking her legs wildly. The babies were dressed only in their diapers, and with both of them beside each other, it was easy to tell them apart by their size. Still, she was amazed that Ava had gotten it right.

"How did you know which one was Ella?"

"'Cause she's my favorite." Ava said as she stuck her hand between the bars.

"Your favorite....what's with all this favorite stuff all of the sudden?" Ava shrugged, and didn't take her eyes off of her sisters.

"I like favorites. Whose your favorite, mommy?"

"Mommy doesn't have a favorite." Replied Meredith honestly. She had such an intense love for each of her children that it was impossible to distinguish a favorite.

"Why not?" Ava wondered and finally lifted her eyes to her mother.

"Because mommy loves you and your sisters exactly the same. Mommies don't have favorites."

"Do daddies?" Meredith didn't know how to respond to that at first. She had a feeling that Derek and Ava would always have a unique bond.

"No, I think you're all daddy's favorites."

Ava looked at her in disbelief. "Are you sure?" Nodding her head, Meredith handed Ava the outfits she had picked out.

"I'm sure." Ava was staring at her in confusion, and Meredith could easily read the quizzical look on her face. After a few seconds, Ava said, "Oh....well then I don't have favorites either."

"You don't?" Meredith asked with a look of fake shock on her face. It was no surprise that Ava changed her opinion to be more like her father.

"Nope." The girl replied with a nod of her head. "Big sisters don't have favorites." Meredith smiled down at her in amusement.

"You're right. How did you get so smart?"

"I go to school, silly." Ava told her with another shrug.

"Oh, you're right, silly me." It was rare that Meredith got to spend an entire morning alone with Ava. Derek had gone to run errands, and Meredith was kind of glad, because it gave her time to bond with Ava. Mother daughter bonding was something she hadn't really had growing up, and she never wanted Ava to feel that way. "Okay, so who are we dressing first?"

"Cinderella." Ava said again.

"Aright." Laughed Meredith. "Ella it is. Come here, El." She said as she lifted the baby out of the crib. Caroline was drifting in and out of sleep and for once, Meredith didn't feel bad taking one and not the other.

"You got her, mommy?" Ava asked protectively.

"I got her, Ava." Meredith assured as they walked over to the changing table.

"Okay, 'cause daddy says they're very breakable...so don't drop her." Meredith arched an eyebrow at her as they reached the table and Ava smirked in response. The changing table was big enough for Ava to sit up and watch, so after Meredith put Ella down, she hoisted Ava up beside her.

"Don't worry, Ava. I won't drop her."

"Okay. Daddy said he'd be real mad if they broke."

"He did?" Meredith reached out her hand and Ava put one of the outfits into it.

"Yup. He's real smart."

"Yes...he is." It didn't take long for Meredith to dress Ella, the outfit was easy to slip on. The baby cooed each time Meredith leaned her face in close, so she did it a few times, enjoying the reaction. "Alright, Ella's ready." As Meredith held her up, Ava clapped her hands.

"Now she looks like me!"

"She does look like you. Do you want to sit here while I get Caroline?"

"Yes!"

"Don't move," commanded Meredith and she glanced at her as she walked away to make sure Ava obeyed. Putting Ella down, she made it a point to keep her on the right side of the crib, just in case she couldn't tell them apart once they were dressed. They still had their bracelets on, but she wanted to get out of the habit of relying on them. "Your turn, Cara." The baby barely opened her eyes as Meredith lifted her into her arms.

"Why does she sleep so much?" Asked Ava once Meredith had come back to the changing table.

"She's growing. Babies need a lot of sleep when they grow."

"Did I sleep a lot too?"

"Yup." Ava scooted closer so that she could watch her mother dress the baby.

"When will she talk to me?" Meredith looked at her daughter with an amused smile.

"Not for a long time. Thank goodness. One chatter box is enough." She teased.

"I'm not a chatter box. I'm a girl, and Peter Pan said girls talk a lot."

Caroline's eyes finally opened as Meredith picked her up to show her to Ava. "Girls do talk a lot...but I think your daddy talks more than any girl I know." Ava laughed, thinking she was kidding and opened out her arms for the baby.

"You're so silly, mommy. Can I hold her? Please, please. I promise I won't break her." Meredith rolled her eyes at Derek's choice of words. "Leave it to Derek to terrify you." She mumbled under her breath. Derek still treated the girls like they were made out of glass. Meredith had the suspicion he would act that way until they were caught up to normal size.

"Um...maybe you can hold her on the floor..." She liked to keep Ava involved, it made the girl happy. Derek most likely wouldn't approve, Meredith knew that. But, she didn't really care.

"Okay! Help me down, I can't jump."

"No, you're right." Holding Caroline against her chest with one arm, she pulled Ava down safely with the other. Ava ran to the center of the room and sat down.

"Okay, I'm ready!" She was so excited she was nearly bouncing. "Caroline likes me, she really does!"

"Of course she does, she's your little sister." Even though Derek rarely let her, Ava was used to holding the babies and she knew exactly what to do. Meredith bent down, and placed the baby easily into Ava's arms. "Make sure you hold her head," She advised, even though Ava was doing it just fine.

"She's looking at me, mommy!" Caroline's eyes were focused on Ava's. Even when Meredith ran a protective hand over the babies downy hair, the baby did not look away. Waiting a few minutes to be sure Ava was alright with the baby she said, "I'm going to get Ella. Don't move and she should be okay."

Meredith wasn't sure why, but she trusted Ava completely. Derek was more weary, and maybe he was right to be that way. But, she couldn't imagine not giving Ava the chance to fully bond with her sisters.

Ella let out a shriek in excitement, as Meredith picked her up. She had never heard it before and smiled at the new things her babies did every day. "Ella's excited." She said, moving back towards Ava.

"Yeah, she is." Ava remarked as Meredith sat down in front of her.

"Meredith?" Derek called from downstairs.

"We're up here." She had to yell, and regretted it as Ella tensed up in her arms. "Sorry, El." Meredith apologized and turned the baby so that she was facing Caroline and Ava. Derek's footsteps echoed up the steps and she called out to him, "In the nursery."

There wasn't much space between Ava and Meredith. The babies in each of their arms could see each other, and started kicking their hands and feet in happiness. "They really like each other." Ava said, noticing the interaction.

"They lived in my belly together, they are used to being around each other."

"Here are my girls. I was wondering where you guys disappeared to." Derek remarked as he stepped into the room. He was surprised to find them on the floor.

"We didn't disappear, daddy! We're right here!" Meredith turned to look up at Derek and waited for him to say something about her decision to let Ava hold Caroline, but instead he just smiled.

"Well, I'm glad for that." He had a large box in his arms, and he sat it on the floor before joining his family. "Am I allowed to sit here or is this some secret girl talk I have to stay away from." He teased in Ava's direction before kissing Meredith on the cheek.

"No, daddy, you can sit!" Ava's face was lit up in excitement. They had never all sat on the floor as a family of five.

"How did your errands go?" Derek's attention was focused on Ava and Caroline. At Meredith's question he looked to her with a puzzled expression, but again, didn't comment on it.

"Good. I was able to get my paycheck from the hospital and deposit it before the bank got busy. I also stopped at the grocery store again, we should be good food wise for at least a week." Since the babies had come home, the family hadn't been out much. In fact, Derek and Ava were the only ones who had left the house. Meredith didn't want to bring the babies anywhere yet, so Derek took Ava to school and ran any errands that needed to be done.

"Is the hospital still standing without you?" Joked Meredith, scrunching up her nose as Ella batted it with her hand.

"It is. Although everyone was asking about you. I think they miss you more than me." Derek stuck his bottom lip out into a fake pout that made Ava giggle.

"Don't be sad, daddy. I like when you're home."

"I like when I'm home too, princess." He really didn't miss work, at all. It was surprising to him. He thought he would miss the surgeries at least, but it had been a week since had had taken time off, and he wasn't missing the hospital.

"What's with the package?" Meredith wondered, and Derek turned to follow her gaze towards the box he had brought in.

"Oh, it's from New York, I'm assuming it's more things for the girls." Meredith furrowed her brow in concern and reading her thoughts, Derek said, "I know, I know...I tried to tell them to tone it down a little. But...you know my sisters, there's no telling them anything."

"I just feel bad, I don't want them to feel obligated to send stuff."

Shaking his head, Derek put his finger against Ella's hand and laughed as she latched onto it with a surprising amount of strength. "They don't feel obligated, trust me." Meredith's face told him that his wife definitely didn't believe him. Sighing, he tilted his head, "I honestly think they never thought I'd have kids. They did the same thing with Ava, remember?"

"Not like this..." Argued Meredith half heartedly. The gifts were great, and she was thankful for them, but she felt bad that they were spending so much money on the babies they hadn't even had a chance to meet yet.

"My sisters aren't having anymore kids. That's for sure." Meredith arched her eyebrow in disbelief. "Seriously." He laughed. "Addison tied Nancy's tubes for her back when we lived in New York, Kathleen had hers done after Regan was born, and Casey and Shannon have assured me, and anyone else who will listen, that there will be no more kids. Ella and Caroline could be the last..." Meredith widened her eyes at his use of the word 'could' and he immediately corrected it to will. "They will be the last. Of course my family is going to spoil them."

"Am I spoiled, daddy?" Ava asked. Caroline was getting antsy in the girl's arms and Derek stopped himself from telling her not to let the baby fall.

"You....are a little, I think."

"Ava, why don't you let daddy hold Caroline, he hasn't seen her all morning." Meredith had noticed his concern and he gave her a thankful nod.

"Okay, you can't break her, daddy." Ava went to move, but realized she couldn't with the baby in her arms.

"I'll get her." Derek told her, and Ava sat still until Derek took the baby from her.

"Can we open the package now? I hope it's more clothes for the babies!"

"Yeah, here Derek, take Ella too so I can help Ava." Derek shifted Caroline to his left arm, and opened his right arm willingly. Meredith had been alone with all three kids all morning, he wasn't about to argue. As soon as the girls were beside each other in his arms, Ella grabbed onto Caroline's face and refused to let go. Derek was sure Caroline would burst into tears, but instead, the smaller baby grabbed onto Ella's face as well.

"They're hugging." Meredith told him, as she sat beside him. Putting the package on the floor in front of her, she patted her lap and Ava sat down in it.

"It looks like their trying to kill each other." Commented Derek. He was watching the babies intensely, in case he had to intervene, but neither of his daughters seemed bothered by the other.

"They were stuck in my uterus for seven months, I think they are used to it." Meredith told him, but she wasn't looking at him either. Her and Ava were eagerly working on opening the cardboard box.

Derek was perplexed. "I just can't imagine it doesn't hurt them. Their nails are razer sharp." Taking her eyes off of the package, Meredith looked at him in amusement.

"Ella cried for thirty minutes straight this morning, if they are happy...then it's fine with me." Looking at her in concern, Derek immediately felt bad.

"Why was she so upset?" He hadn't wanted to leave Meredith alone all morning, but she had insisted, and he wasn't about to argue with her about it.

Meredith and Ava had finally gotten the box open, and Ava dug through it with excitement as Meredith replied, "I have no idea. I fed her and changed her diaper and she still cried. Luckily, Caroline was fast asleep. She stopped for awhile, but then I gave her a bath and she started up again."

Derek couldn't hide his frown. "She really can't stand water. I wonder what had her so upset?" Meredith wasn't overly concerned, and shrugged her shoulders.

"I don't know. She didn't stop until I put her in the crib next to Caroline."

"I'm sorry, I feel bad you had to deal with it alone."

"It's fine, Derek." Meredith told him honestly. "You have to give her a bath next time though. I hate putting her through it." Smiling, Derek nodded his head. "Alright, it's a deal."

"It's another box!" Ava exclaimed. She had finally reached whatever was inside. There was different forms of packaging wrappers all around her.

"Alright, let's see what it is." Meredith pulled out the generic gift box from inside and let Ava tear off the lid.

"It's more clothes!" Ava nearly yelled. She was excited, even though she knew the gifts weren't for her. "I hope they're pink. No, purple. I hope they're purple." Meredith helped her move the tissue paper away and both girls peered into the box at once.

"They're pink!" Ava yelled, and both babies jumped, startled by the noise.

"Ava, don't yell inside." Derek warned, trying to comfort both girls before they began to cry. "Mommy, look how pretty." Ava whispered, pulling out the outfits.

"They're pink....what a surprise." She mocked, watching Derek roll his eyes. "And they match." Each outfit consisted of a pink t-shirt and a pair of pink pants. One t-shirt said, 'Princess Ella', and the other said, 'Princess Caroline.' They were adorable, even if they did match.

"Yes, they match!" Ava was more excited than anyone.

"I hate to criticize your taste in outfits, Mer, but, I thought you weren't into the matching thing?" Meredith looked at Derek, her eyes wide. "Why are the girls dressed the same?"

"Your daughter picked them out..." She explained, hoping that Ava wouldn't notice Derek's dislike for the outfits.

"Oh...it's a lot easier when they're dressed different." He commented in a low voice, still a tad ashamed that he couldn't tell them apart.

"I know, but I couldn't say no, she was so excited." Whispered Meredith. She was going to say more, but she stopped abruptly when Ava lifted her head to look at her.

"Why you tellin' secrets, mommy?"

"I'm not telling secrets." Meredith denied with a shake of her head.

"Yes, you are...you whispering, and that's not nice."

Meredith looked at Derek to save her, and he did. "Mommy was just telling me that you picked out the babies' outfits. They're really nice."

"You like them, daddy?"

"I love them."

"I knew you would!" After grinning at her father, Ava turned back to the gift box.

"Seriously, Meredith," Derek started, his voice taking on a more serious tone. "These hospital bracelets are getting a little ratty...what are we going to do when we have take them off?" Meredith hadn't thought that far ahead, and stared at him with a frown.

"I don't know...yet. But, hopefully we'll be better at telling them apart by then." Derek snorted, but humored her with a smile.

"Well, right now I know Caroline likes to sleep more than Ella, so let's hope they follow that pattern for awhile."

"I hope they both start sleeping more." Meredith commented after yawning. She hadn't realized how tired she was before she sat down.

Noticing her exhausted appearance, Derek tilted his head. "You're tired." It came out as a statement, one that she didn't bother replying to. "Go take a nap...I can handle the girls for awhile." Before the babies were born, Meredith would have argued at Derek's suggestion. She would have scolded him for hovering and stubbornly told him she was fine, no matter how tired she was, but she knew better than to do that now.

"I'm exhausted...." She acknowledged, and he was comforted in the fact that she admitted it to him.

"Go sleep." He smiled. "These two look like they'll be falling asleep again soon anyway."

"Will you wake me if you get overwhelmed?"

"No." Derek replied in honesty, causing Meredith to laugh.

"Mommy, I wanna come with you." Ava cut in, surprising Meredith. She had thought for sure Ava would jump at the chance to spend time with her father.

"You want to take a nap with me? Are you sure?" Ava nodded eagerly, and Meredith just shrugged at Derek's arched eyebrow. "Alright, we can cuddle in my bed."

"I want to cuddle." Derek teased with a fake pout.

"Daddy, you get to cuddle with my babies." Ava told him as Meredith stood up and lifted the girl into her arms.

"You're right."

"Don't break them!" She bossed, and Meredith's laughter filled the room as she carried Ava out.