Is Forever Enough?

Chapter 25

"Oh god you scared me!" Meredith jumped when Derek came up behind her and breathed into her ear. She gripped the file she was holding and turned to face him. Allowing herself to look into his eyes she saw that they were twinkling in what she thought was happiness.

It had taken Derek two more hours after his conversation with Mark to actually find her. She was a very hard person to find when she was hiding. "I've been looking for you, you've been avoiding me.." He told her, light heartedly acting as if he didn't know why.

It had turned out to be a harder task then he thought. It's all he thought about all day. His irrational side wanted to track her down and demand to know why her seeing Mark naked was such a big deal...but somehow he had kept his cool and stuck to the plan...and he was very proud of himself.

Meredith shook her head in a feeble attempt to deny it. Her eyes were scanning the hallway searching for any reason to get away from him. "No...no, I've just been busy...you know surgeries and all..." Derek nodded, amused at her nervous behavior. He hadn't seen her quiet so fidgety in a long time. It was actually kind of cute.

"Yes, it's funny though, I was looking for you on the board earlier and I didn't see you down for any..." He was still acting nonchalantly...not accusing...and not in the slightest bit angry. He was going to get it out of her...she'd cave eventually.

A look of panic across her features did not go unnoticed by Derek and she hugged the file more closely to her chest. "Oh...well I was just helping Cristina out..." He smiled, thinking she was a damn good liar when put on the spot.

"Ok. " He breathed, and leaned in to kiss her on the cheek. "Oh, I know it's a little early for dessert, but I saw this in the cafeteria and couldn't help but think of you." She hadn't noticed his hands were hidden behind his back until he casually pulled out a small pink container.

"Strawberry ice cream?" She took it from him curiously. "They don't sell this in the cafeteria..." He was being so sweet and well...dreamy. She wasn't sure what brought on this sudden mood. He had always treated her that way, though over the past few years it had become a less frequent thing. 'That's what becoming an absent husband does Meredith..' The voice snapped at her, bringing her out of her swooning.

"Oh, did I say the cafeteria, I meant that little ice cream shop down the street you like so much, you know the one with the gourmet ice cream..." He was really acting the part now, building up just how great of a guy he could be.

Meredith put down the folder on the counter before ripping off the lid and inhaling the sweet scent. "Oh I also got you a spoon.." Whipping it out for her to grab she didn't even hesitate before taking a bite.

She was too preoccupied with the ice cream to notice the smirk he had on his face. "How did you know I've been craving this all afternoon..." She moaned, her mouth full of the decitant cream. 'Ha...I knew because I got it out of Izzie..' He laughed to himself but didn't dare say that out loud. "I know my Meredith." He replied sweetly and walked with her as she dug happily into the container.

"Thank you Derek, this is amazing." She breathed before they parted at the stairwell, each going there separate ways. "Anything for you." He exaggerated with a smile. Her brain didn't think of anything until the ice cream was gone and she had licked the last bit off the spoon.

'He's amazing...he really is McDreamy..' She thought and then her smile faded...remembering why she had been avoiding him in the first place. She wanted to tell him, she did, she needed to get it off her chest, but how could she do it now? He was in a great mood, and clearly going out of his way to care for her. The guilt was becoming overwhelming again.

Deciding against the stairs she stepped into the elevator and practiced what she would say in her head. "Derek...I touched your best friend's ass.." No. That wont do. "Derek, um...I stared at your best friend naked..." Great, she might as well just tell him she fantasized about him. "Derek...Mark has a great body, but yours is better.." Shaking her head she stepped out of the elevator even more nervous than before...and determined to hide from Derek until she figured out what to say.

"Derek...I saw Mark's penis...and I understand why he got so many women...but it's nothing compared to yours..." Cringing she shook her head, and continued down the hallway.

Crap.

***

After scrubbing out of her first real surgery of the day, Meredith literally ran into Derek. "Derek!" She exclaimed and he returned her surprise with a "Meredith! So, I was looking for you again, luckily your name was on the board this time."

Meredith laughed, nervously, and tried to act as cool as possible. "Oh, yeah...luckily.." She was focused on a speck of dirt under her nail and didn't look up until Derek tilted her head up to face him.

He was smiling again, a full fledged weak in the knees smile and she couldn't help but smile back. "How was your ice cream?" He asked, knowing full well she had enjoyed it. "It was wonderful, thank you..." And with that her eyes left his. Her stomach tightened reminding her that she needed to tell him.

Derek could tell she was close to cracking, he felt suddenly guilty that he was putting her through this. It was clearly making her feel bad, but at the same time, it was rather amusing.

"So, Izzie wants to spend some time with Ava, so I was thinking about taking you out to dinner tonight...you know, something romantic...maybe a moonlit ride on the ferry.." Her jaw dropped. Speechless. He was romantic, always had been...but it was usually saved for special occasions...and this just took her by surprise.

"Um...ok...what's going Derek? Am I forgetting something?" Derek shook his head and brought her into his arms. He wasn't really able to hold her close anymore, but he held her as tightly as he could.

"Meredith, is it so wrong to want to spend a romantic evening with you?" He was charming her, reminding her of all the reasons she had fallen for him in the first place. Any other time she would be falling to her knees over it...but this...this was just bad. 'Sure Derek...take me out to dinner and then I can tell you about Mark..' That was going to go over real well.

She couldn't handle it anymore, telling him couldn't be as bad at the torture of not telling him. He watched her as she had her inner freak out and felt horrible. He was tormenting her, making her feel like a horrible person. But then again, if he really didn't know...she would feel horrible on her own for not telling him. Watching her fake a smile, he still felt too bad to continue. He would do these things for her even if he wasn't trying to get something out of her...if she found out he already knew, it would be bad. She'd think he only wanted to do those things to get back at her, and it would put a huge set back in all they were working towards. Suddenly, he was feeling just as nervous as her.

"Ok, well let's meet at 8 in the lobby." He let her go, and watched as she nodded in agreement. "I'm looking forward to it." He said tenderly, needing to get rid of some of the guilt he was feeling.

Meredith watched him walk away and sighed, knowing she had to tell him as soon as possible. Here he was, going out of his way to be a great husband and she was keeping secrets from him.

***

They were supposed to meet at 8, she knew that, but she couldn't wait until then. There was no way she could tell him at dinner, and ruin their perfect evening. No...she had to tell him before...and if he canceled it all, well then that's what she deserved.

She had beaten herself up for the remainder of the afternoon, and it didn't help that every time she passed Alex in the hallway he asked her if she'd told him yet. With sudden confidence she walked into his office causing him to look up from his paper work.

A smile crossed his lips, but suddenly faded noticing how upset she looked. His face went pale. This had to end, he hadn't meant to put her through so much stress, he really had thought she would have told him by now...he never thought it would have put her through so much stress.

He kicked himself for thinking of such a stupid idea. She didn't need any more stress than their hectic life already entailed. "Meredith I..." "No." She interrupted and he shut up, surprised at her outburst.

With a determined look in her eyes she walked closer to his desk and let out a deep breath before continuing. "I lied to you today, I was avoiding you..." He looked at her surprised at her sudden lack of nervousness, but not at her confession. "I walked in on Mark in the shower this morning...I thought...I was tired, and confused...I mean why would anyone but you be in there..."

He watched her features change as she told her version of the story flowing through it in a rehearsed fashion. "I touched his ass...I really thought it was you, I wanted you...and I was so damn tired...I stopped...once I realized it was him...I should have known it was you from the beginning...I'm so sorry.."

She finished her speech breathless and he just stared at her, overcome with adoration for the tiny women in front of him. She looked at him, and then down at the floor and he noticed her nervousness return.

"I feel horrible Derek...I don't want you thinking it meant anything because it didn't...but I'd understand if you got mad..so just yell...I should have told you so I deserve it.." Her voice was sad, and berating. He was glad she realized she should have told him, but sad at the fact that she had beaten herself up over it.

That was never his intention...and he needed to correct it. Standing up he stepped out from behind his desk and was at her side in minutes. Her eyes met his, confused at his reaction. He didn't look mad, but there was something in his eyes. Something darker. Before she could say anything else his lips were crashing against hers and he had slipped his tongue in her mouth mingling with hers.

The kiss went from gentle to violent in a matter of seconds and she through her arms around his neck to keep herself from being knocked over. It ended just like it started and he broke away leaving them both breathless. His eyes were now filled with pure lust and her breath hitched at the intensity of it.

"Thank you for telling me." He breathed before stepping closer to her again, needing to pull her into another kiss. She stepped back reluctantly, too confused to let it happen. "That's it? You're not mad...I lied to you, it's ok to be angry..."

Derek smirked and pulled her to him despite her attempts to get away. "It's ok. You're forgiven..." He was never angry at her in the first place, just confused as to why she was refusing to tell him.

"But Derek, I... he saw me naked...you are allowed to be mad...I saw his penis.." She was resisting the tiny circles his tongue was making beneath her ear lob. He pulled away, allowing her to step further from him. She couldn't let him seduce her, not if he was hiding anger.

"You saw his penis?" He asked, low in his throat, pretending to be mad...but unable to hide the lust in his voice. She arched her brow, completely taken back by his reaction.

She backed away as he stepped closer until she was stuck against the chair and he pushed her down into it so that he was standing over her. Slowly he pulled down his scrub pants, taking his time to let them pool around his ankles before slipping his boxers down as well. She now had a full view of his fully erect penis and she wondered how in the hell this had turned him on.

"Derek...I don't understand.." She couldn't finish, couldn't get the rest of the sentence out before his hand was on his hard flesh, stroking it in front of her. The sight was had quickly turned her on and she stared at him with a mixture of shock and anticipation.

"Do you like his better than mine?" It sounded like such a stupid question, but Derek pulled it off smoothly, exaggerating his motions. Stepping closer to her and letting go of himself he replaced his hand with hers.

Her heart rate quickened at the feel of his soft skin in her hand. No. No...Mark was nothing...no man was anything compared to how Derek made her feel. Her hand grazed over the already moist head causing him to let out a shaky breath

"Tell me Meredith.." He stilled her movements, not wanting to let her have control. She couldn't say the words he was requesting, the lust was overtaking her mind. Reaching for her he pulled at her top needed to see her naked body. She got the hint, and silently helped him remove the layers of clothing exposing her breasts and belly.

She watched in awe as he leaned over her and took her left nipple into his mouth, swirling it around his tongue like he had done to her mouth. She moaned low in her throat at the warmth of his mouth and rested her head onto the back of the chair as he paid the same attention to her right nipple.

He stopped suddenly, realizing she still had not answered his question and looked up at her. "Meredith. I need to know." She looked into his darkened eyes and racked her brain to remember what he had asked. "No...I love yours.." It would have sounded silly to any listener. Like some teenage conversation, but they were too far gone in their haze to even notice.

He smirked at that. Knowing the answer already, but needing to hear her say it. Gazing at her full lips he moved to them again, kissing her like it was his only job on earth. Her hands went to his hair, running her fingers through it, never wanting him to stop.

Needing air he broke away and stood up fully. She went to get up, but it was hard with her swollen stomach so he helped her but instead of letting go turned her around so that she was propped against his desk.

His eyes were wild as he pulled her pants and underwear down giving him access to her moist folds. She couldn't help but moan as he traced a pattern bellow her belly button and traveled even lower, grazing over the tiny bud of nerves.

She had never been with any man that had the ability to turn her on like he did. "Do you think that he can please you like I can?" He thrust a gentle finger into her, curling it upwards, knowing exactly how she liked it. She let out a gasp and tried to get her thoughts in order. He did know her, he knew he inside and out and she couldn't imagine anyone else being able to please her like him.

He thrust into her once more before adding a second finger, loving the feel of her moisture around them. "Meredith...do you think he knows what you like?" He whispered, and she whimpered as he sped up his movements. He was teasing her, knowing the answers to all the questions.

"No...oh...no." He chuckled at her response. Her eyes were closed and he loved watching the pleasure across her face. Pleasure that he was causing. Without stopping his movements he got to his knees and added his tongue to the mix, running it over her smooth folds. She opened her eyes surprised, and then moaned out his name.

She was getting worked up now, and her tiny moans were driving him crazy. Standing up he positioned himself and guided his way into her slowly, taking his time to enjoy the way he slipped into her tightness.

He groaned at the feeling of her surrounding him and thrust into her slowly, wanting to make the feeling last. Her moans grew louder and more frantic and she thrust back encouraging him to pick up the pace but it wouldn't. She liked to take control, and he wasn't going to let her.

Growing frustrated with the slow pace she pleaded with him and he watched her, even more determined to take it slow. "Oh...Derek please. I need you faster..." She could barely even finish the sentence and he pushed into her even more slowly in response.

"Did Mark turn you on like this...?" He pushed into her and allowed himself to stay there, not moving. It was killing him, but he needed her to answer, it was part of the game. Meredith moved her hips trying everything she could to move around him but he held her in a tight embrace.

"No, he could never...please Derek.." She begged and he had to oblige, there wasn't much more he could take either. Quickening his pace he thrust into her knowing full well that her screams were most likely audible from the hallway.

"Oh yesss..Derek..." Her moans turned into a series of inaudible words as her muscles clenched around him. He groaned loudly as his own release shattered through his body and neither of them wanted to move as they came down off their high.

He was reminded of the conversation he had had with Mark earlier...and smirked at the fact that he had indeed used him for compare sex...but what he didn't know wouldn't hurt him.