Is Forever Enough?

Chapter 90

It had been so long since Izzie had spoken or even been up close to Meredith, that she barely recognized the woman as she slipped right past her. Izzie hadn't been expecting it. Meredith hadn't been in the surgical wing since going on maternity leave, and the sight caused her to do a double take.

Putting the chart down on the nurses' station counter, Izzie stared after her. Meredith seemed to be in a daze, even as people smiled and spoke to her, she ignored them all and kept walking. Something...wasn't right, and deciding to follow her instinct, the blond took off, determined to follow Meredith wherever she was headed.

Izzie didn't have to follow her for long, because Meredith stopped abruptly outside an on call room and knocked to see if it was empty. She must have gotten no reply, because she opened the door and disappeared behind it before Izzie could say anything to her.

For a fraction of a second, Izzie had caught a glimpse of Meredith's face, and the tears that had been rolling down her cheeks made her frown in concern. Izzie and Meredith were fighting...or in a fight...neither really knew which it was...but they hadn't spoke in so long...that Izzie felt horribly out of place outside of the room.

But, even knowing Meredith probably wanted nothing to do with her, she couldn't help but be concerned. Meredith hadn't been far from Derek in awhile. It was rare to see one around the hospital not attached to the other. Most of their time was spent in the NICU, so Izzie couldn't fathom what her friend would be doing two floors away from her babies.

A sickening thought crossed her mind, and she instantly flew to the worst case scenario that something had happened to one of the girls. She couldn't think of anything else that would upset Meredith so much.

Taking a deep breath, and gaining sudden courage from deep within her, Izzie pushed the butterflies out of her stomach, and tried to open the door. It was unlocked, thankfully, and it allowed her to breeze right through it and into the room. Closing the door behind her, she was bathed in a blanket of darkness.

Her eyes couldn't adjust to the darkness quick enough, but she knew the on call rooms like the back of her hand, so Izzie felt around behind her for the light switch and flicked it on. All at once, the room was illuminated in bright, piercing light.

Looking to the bed, Izzie's eyes stopped on Meredith who was curled up on the bottom bunk. "Meredith?" Izzie asked, concerned that her friend was still staring off into space. Meredith's eyes weren't looking at her, but right through her. Tears were still trickling down her cheeks, but it was like she didn't even notice.

Glancing at the door, Izzie wondered what was going on. 'Where the hell is Derek?' Something had to have happened...and it must have been bad for Meredith to be so catatonic. Why was she the only one who seemed to care about Meredith's whereabouts?

Crouching down, Izzie knelt next to the bed, realizing she needed to so something before her friend closed up completely. "Mer...are you okay?" Asked Izzie, once, and then again, and still got no reply.

Fear was starting to take over, and not knowing what else to do, she waved her hand in front of Meredith's face, hoping to get some sort of response. The movement seemed to work, because as soon as she did it, Meredith's eyes shifted to hers and settled there.

The green eyes that stared back at Izzie didn't seem shocked. In fact they were calm and accepting. Meredith had known she was there all along, that made Izzie feel at least a little better.

"Meredith, what happened? Are you alright? What are you doing down here?" Izzie's questions came out in a rushed pace. Now that she had her friend's attention, she didn't want to waste anytime figuring things out.

Wiping the tears away from her cheeks, Meredith let out a shaky sigh, trying hard to maintain her composure. She didn't answer Izzie. There were just too many thoughts filling her mind to be able to reply. Even if she was able to, she wasn't sure she could reply without breaking down completely.

Not sure what to do, Izzie sat down on the floor, but refused to take her eyes off of the woman in front of her. There was silence between them for several minutes, but it didn't make either one of them uncomfortable. The girls hadn't spoken in awhile, but it didn't seem to make much difference.

After awhile, Meredith spoke to her friend for her first time in over a month. "Can you take me home?"

Meredith's question stunned Izzie into a confused silence that she quickly recovered from. "Take you home? Mer....did something happen?"

"Nothing happened! I just want to go home. It's a simple question Izzie, will you or wont you?" Meredith snapped turning all he emotions to annoyance and anger. It was easier to feel that way rather than hurt and upset.

Despite the obvious rift that had developed in their friendship in the past few months, Meredith had no hard feelings towards the woman she had once considered one of her best friends. Friendships were like marriages. They often required work and a lot of patience to stay alive. But, unlike her marriage, the rift between her and Izzie hadn't taken as long to get over.

Shaking her head while still looking at Meredith, Izzie just didn't understand what was going on. She could easily get a few hours off to bring Meredith home, but something in her head was telling her it was a bad idea. It was an odd request. Why wouldn't Derek bring her home? How could the most over protective man in America let Meredith go home alone? Something just wasn't right. But, Izzie didn't feel like she had the right to force it out of her friend.

"Where's Derek? He doesn't want to bring you home?"

"I don't care where Derek is.....Derek is a brainless, egotistical idiot. No he doesn't want to bring me home. He wants to sit and talk about why he's an idiot...and I have no interest in talking. In fact, in this moment...all I have an interest in doing is going home and calling a locksmith to lock him out of our damn house."

Meredith's angry words caused Izzie's eyes to widen. She wasn't surprised, but she hadn't heard Meredith angry towards Derek in a long time....not that she had heard Meredith talk much at all.

"Ohhhh kayyyy...so it's a Derek issue then? Right...well...sure I can bring you home." She replied, and then instantly didn't feel right about it. She wanted to help Meredith. Taking her friend home could possible make amends for the stupid fight that had gotten out of hand. Izzie had missed her, she missed Ava, she missed the chance of officially meeting Ella and Caroline. She just wanted to fix it, but, as the anger in Meredith's eyes shifted to pain, she knew taking Meredith home would not actually help her friend.

Something had obviously gone on with Derek and as much as it pained her to do it, she knew what Meredith really needed, was her husband. "Do you want to wait here? I'll just go and make sure I can get away for a bit..." Izzie lied and watched as Meredith nodded her head yes.

Leaving the room, Izzie knew she had little time as she brought out her cell phone and punched in the numbers to Derek's pager. Her hands began to shake, but she managed to get the last number in without fully chickening out. Talking to Meredith had been okay, it had been easy. They were not instantly best friends again, but at least Meredith didn't hate her. She had a sinking feeling however, that talking to Derek would not be as easy.

It had been barely five minutes before she spotted Derek dressed in his street clothes, barreling towards her. "Why the hell was I paged? I'm not on until next week...and no I will not do a consult." His face was set in angry lines and looking at him, Izzie knew earning Derek's forgiveness would be anything but simple.