Is Forever Enough?

Chapter 33

Meredith was surprised when Derek walked back into the room minutes later with a semi calm baby. Her eyes were red and scanning the unfamiliar room frantically, but she wasn't screaming...and Meredith took that as a good sign.

"She let me hold her.." He said, slightly amazed and she was glad to see the tension had left his shoulders. "I told you...she just needed to get used to you.." He made a noise in the back of his throat still unconvinced and laid down on the bed next to Meredith laying Peyton gently between them.

She looked to Meredith, holding out her chubby fists and grabbing onto Meredith's curly tendrils. She cooed, as Meredith made a silly face at her and then the baby thrashed her head to look at Derek showing no sign of sleepiness.

"Hey Peyton.." He gently whispered, her blue eyes took his in scanning his for any sign of danger. The girl reminded him so much of Addison. He didn't know what to make of that. She was a tiny Addison clone...he was mad at Addison. He had decided that. He had a right to be mad. And there was a little mini Addison...and though Peyton seemed to be channeling Addison by interrupting the first sexual encounter he had had in weeks...he found it impossible to be mad at the infant.

"She has Mark's nose." He noticed for the first time, wondering how he hadn't caught it before. He ran his hand over her growing main of auburn hair. She hadn't had much at first, but it was growing steadily...making her in Derek's opinion a whole lot cuter.

"I think she has Mark's attitude too. She's a flirt...just look at the way she bat's those eye lashes..." Derek smirked and watched..it was true. Peyton was staring at him with a look of complete admiration. Like she just realized "Hey...what a cool uncle I've got..."

She rolled over suddenly and pushed herself up so that she was sitting facing Derek. Her tiny hands reached up for his nose and he chuckled at the touch. "I don't remember Ava being this mobile at this age..."

"She wasn't." Meredith replied, propping herself up with a pillow behind her back and watching as the pair warmed up to each other. With every touch from Peyton she could visibly see Derek relaxing more and more...almost as if Addison's daughter liking him made amends for his ex-wife's betrayal.

Before Derek knew what was happening Peyton was burying her head into his chest, content to just sit there half on top of him. She was tired after all, barely keeping her eyes open as he rubbed comforting circles around her back.

"Derek...that's adorable.." Meredith moved closer, feeling slightly left out and shifted to get comfortable on her side. With gently hands Derek pulled the baby towards him and maneuvered onto his back in the position she had enjoyed as a smaller infant.

She lifted her head up in protest and looked at Meredith, almost like she was checking to make sure she was safe before giving in to comfort and laying her head back down.

"I think she misses Mark." Meredith whispered, convinced that the child didn't see enough males...and therefore was afraid of anyone but her dad.

"He says he's not good with her...that she doesn't connect with him...but I find it hard to believe.." Derek replied, leaning his head up to kiss her downy skin. She was asleep seconds later, her chest rising and falling in time with his. It was a perfect moment, one he couldn't of imagined just hours earlier.

"Do you ever wonder what it would have been like...if you and Addison had had kids..?" She moved even closer, suddenly chilly and needing to feel his warmth. Her question surprised him, but it didn't take long for him to reply.

"No...it's weird but, I can't even imagine having kids with anyone but you."

"I know..it looks odd seeing you with a baby with bright red hair.." He smiled at that, knowing that his kids had no chance of having red hair. "I would have felt obligated to stay with her...even more so if we had had kids...I wouldn't have let New York...I know that.."

What sounded in his head to be an ok statement came out wrong and looking at Meredith's crest fallen face he realized it immediately. He could almost read her thoughts as she looked down at the bed spread, concentrating on the burgundy threads she could pick apart.

"That's why I didn't want to have these babies at first..." Her voice was pained and he wanted to kick himself for not thinking before he spoke. Of course she would relate it to them...though he found the situations completely different....she still had her doubts.

He felt a sudden wave of frustration over the fact the he couldn't reach out to her, Peyton was sound asleep on his chest, and moving her risked waking her up again...but Meredith clearly needed his reassurance.

"Meredith...come here." He told her, watching as she looked up at him and contemplated what to do. "Seriously. I can't move....so come here." He held out his one arm to her, the only gesture he could muster at the moment.

To his relief she moved, resting her head on his shoulder and he shifted his arm so that it could wrap protectively around both girls.

"My marriage with Addison was over. Having kids would have made it even clearer and it would have been frustrating to be forced to stay...but I would have...for them. But you...these babies were like a breath of fresh air. You woke me up, and they let me see just what I was missing out on. If I felt obligated...and truly didn't want this to work...then I wouldn't be here right now...I'd be at the hospital."

She was silent for awhile, taking in what he said. He felt her shoulders shake, and a small sniffle filled the air. She was crying...not hysterically but just gently crying into his chest and he pulled her tighter, his heart breaking.

"Why do you have to be so perfect?" She asked, between sobs, wiping her eyes in order to make the tears stop. He was confused at first, not understanding if he had upset her in a good way or a bad way...but decided to just ride with it...letting her call the shots.

"Mer...I didn't mean to make you cry..." He responded not even meaning to shorten her name, but it juts came out that way, he liked the way it flowed off his lips. She shook her head and buried her head in deeper embarrassed that her emotions were so out of control.

"It's the babies...and the hormones...and the breath of fresh air...and god Derek I love you so much." She was crying again, sobbing this time and he looked at her concerned at the sudden release of emotion. He decided it was a happy cry...or...maybe grateful...he wasn't sure...but he smiled anyway.

It was adorable, watching her pull herself together, ramble off for awhile...and then break into fits again. All he could do pull her closer, comforting her until they subsided. It was a much needed release he realized. For both of them. His crappy day was long forgotten as he listened to her breathing even out.

'I'm still mad at Addison.' He decided, to himself, but realized that it suddenly didn't matter whether him and Meredith had had the chance to get together sooner. They were together then...working on it...and happy...and that's all he could really ask for.

"Are you still awake?" He asked, shifting Peyton slightly so he could get a better look at his wife. "Yeah." She mumbled sleepily into his chest. "I think I'd like to try the counseling thing..."

She looked up at him shocked, and sighed, her whole body relaxing. "You do?" Responded, not believing.

"Yeah...it'll be weird for me at first...but...I want this fixed...I told you I'd do whatever it takes...and I meant it..." She couldn't help but smile...and he could see her eyes getting ready to water again.

"Please don't cry again." He joked, and she buried her head in his chest again, trying to keep the tears from falling. He chuckled even harder, causing Peyton's sleeping form to bounce on his chest.

"These babies are going to be the death of me.." He joked and she agreed, before she broke into sobs once again. Happy sobs...he decided....for sure that time.