Is Forever Enough?

Chapter 4

Derek knew something was off the minute he walked into his quiet house. It reminded him of the night he had caught Addison cheating, a memory he hadn't thought of in years. This feeling however, was different and more pressing.

He wasn't sure what he would find as he walked through the downstairs not seeing any signs of Meredith. He called her name up the steps, but got no answer. He knew she was mad at him for missing their meeting today. His surgery had gone longer than expected and he had tried to call her afterwards, but she didn't answer.

Cristina had been really cold and bitter to him all day. He was sure it was a result of his actions the night before. He asked her all day if she had talked to Meredith but Cristina just walked away from him every time.

He noticed her clothes strewn across the hallway where she had left them to crawl naked into her bed the night before. He thought it was funny, that morning, walking into their room to find her naked in their bed.

He thought about crawling in with her for an instant, but than realized it probably wouldn't have gone over well. He couldn't shake the sinking feeling that settled in his stomach as he walked into their bedroom not seeing his wife anywhere.

The lights were still on and he spotted the drawers she had forgotten to shut. He found the same scene in Ava's room and began to panic knowing they wouldn't have gone out anywhere so late at night. He quickly ran downstairs to check the garage for her car and found it empty. He pushed send on his cell phone again calling her, willing her to answer.

He was worried, wracking his brain for any possible place she would have had to be that night. He slammed the phone shut getting no answer and went to call it again but was stopped by the note he saw laying on the counter. He found it suddenly sad that for the past few days their only contact had been through notes and voicemails.

The note was not what he was expecting. It was written sloppily, on an old sheet of paper Ava had used to doodle on. He read it over it once, and then again not fully understanding it's contents.

-I spent my living wishing I had a real family, I will not have Ava do the same. Find us when you decide your family means something to you.

Tears stung his eyes and he crumpled the note up into a ball and threw it onto the floor. He was angry, but more at himself than Meredith. Running his hands through his hair he paced the kitchen slamming things that were in his way. "She left me?" He said to the silent kitchen barely being able to hold back the sobs that were threatening to come.

"No...she can't. This can't happen." Derek was sobbing now struggling to catch his breath. In a daze he quickly called both Cristina and Izzie's cell phone's getting no answer. Just when he was about to go insane, he dialed Mark's number and waited three rings for him to pick up. "Derek what's up?"

Derek couldn't even form words his breathing was so erratic. Mark grew concerned not recalling a recent time where his friend had been so worked up. Unable to get a word out of Derek, Mark handed off the phone to Addison. "Derek, calm down. What happened...you need to breath and talk to me." Addison had a way of talking to Derek when it came to Meredith. He had a tendency to loose control and Addison always seemed to be the one to keep him in check. "Meredith...it's Meredith."

Addison felt suddenly sick not knowing where the conversation was headed. She hadn't seen him this worked up since Meredith's accident on the ferry so many years ago. "Derek is she ok? Just calm down and tell me what happened." Addison's voice was soothing, yet firm, trying her best to get Derek to open up. "I don't know if she's fine!" He barked into the phone not even sure where the anger was coming from. "She's gone....she took Ava and...oh god they're gone."

Derek was pacing around the house barely listening to what Addison was saying. "Did she say anything to you today when you had lunch with her?" Derek was desperate and Addison wasn't sure what to reply. "She um. She was upset about your fight...and not herself at all. But, she said you guys were meeting to talk about it, she didn't say anything about leaving..." Anger ran through his body again, "What did you say to her to make her do this!?" Derek was taking out his anger on Addison not even meaning to. Expecting his reaction, Addison was quick to reply. "Derek Shepherd, you are too consumed in work to even notice your wife and daughter. Calm down, stop blaming everyone else and take some responsibility. Mark is on his way over, wait there for him and then god dammit go find your wife and fix your marriage!" Derek didn't say a word....stunned at her sudden outburst. He heard the phone go dead in his ear and curled into a heap on the floor.

Leaning against the counter he saw Casey, Ava's unicorn. The girl never slept without it and he wondered how Meredith got her out of the house without the toy. Grabbing it he clutched it to his chest taking in the familiar scent that was uniquely his daughter.

Izzie opened the door surprised to see Meredith Standing on the door step. Ava was in her arms and two small bags sat at her side. She looked horrible and Izzie knew something bad had happened as she ushered the two in the foyer.

"Aunt Izzie!!" Meredith put Ava down and the girl flew into Izzie's arms. "Hey girly how are you?" Izzie tried to seem excited to see her while shooting Meredith a concerned look. "Mer, what's wrong? Don't get me wrong..I'm glad you're here...but what's going on?" Meredith stood in the foyer not moving and not saying a word. She was visibly shaken and trying her best to keep it together.

She looked up to see Alex walk down the stairs. He stopped, not expecting to see Meredith and Ava. "Munchkin! Hey!" Alex called out to Ava taking the girl from Izzie. "What are you doing here?"

"Mommy and daddy got into a fight!" Ava said not noticing the tension in the room. "Hey Avs, why don't we go get some ice cream!?" "YES!" Alex put her down allowing her to run into the familiar kitchen. Izzie shrugged giving him her best "I have no idea" look as she watched them walk into the kitchen.

Izzie led Meredith into the living room and they both sat on the sofa. "Do you mind if we stay the night? I just...I was going to go to a hotel, but I didn't want to scare Ava anymore than she already is." Meredith was rambling and Izzie had to stop her in order to get a word in. "Meredith...yes, of course you can stay, but why? Where's Derek?" Meredith sighed, fiddling with her watch around her wrist. A few seconds went by before she answered.

"We got into a fight last night about Ava's party. I told him how absent he's been...and he denied it...and just sort of blamed it all on me and Ava. He wants that position on the board...and he cares more about that than me." Meredith barely took a breath as she kept going and Izzie nodded trying to keep up with her fast paced talking.

"Then...today we were supposed to talk and he never showed and I found a signed contract from a hospital in LA sitting on his desk. What am I supposed to think?? I just...I don't know what to do. I had to get away. I can't...I can't just sit back and watch him destroy this family." Meredith wanted to cry so badly, but the tears just wouldn't come. She looked at Izzie willing her to tell her she was making the right decision.

"Mer, does he know you left? Where is he?" "I don't know, he...he wasn't home when I left I just left him a note.." Alex walked into the room missing most of the conversation. "Munchkin is happy with her ice cream, that'll keep her busy for awhile!" He sat down next to Meredith, knowing something bad had happened.

"Meredith and Ava are going to spend the night." Izzie said to Alex. "Derek's really done it this time hasn't he?" He tried to make light of the situation to get a reaction from Meredith but she seemed to not even notice him.

"I think...I think I'm going to lie down for awhile. I'm really not feeling well." Meredith not only felt empty and emotionally drained, her whole body ached like before and she felt the overwhelming need to be sick as she thought back to Derek.

"Oh, go ahead. You and Ava can use George's old room. We moved your old bed in the once...you and..." Izzie stalled not wanting to mention Derek. "Once you guys moved out." She finished. "We'll bring the munchkin in once she's done, that'll give you some time." Meredith forced a half smile as she stood up.

"Ok thanks guys, I really appreciate it." Meredith began to walk out of the room but Izzie called out to her. "What should we do when Derek shows up?" Izzie asked knowing it was only a matter of time before he pieced it all together. Meredith didn't even look at her friends as she kept walking out of the room.

"Just...tell him we'll talk tomorrow. I can't...I can't deal with it right now." Meredith was avoiding again and her friends knew it, but neither of them wanted her to be in any more pain than she had to be.

Alex moved to go get Ava. "I'm nervous Alex. I really hope they can work this out." Izzie followed him out of the room grabbing his hand in the process. Alex turned to embrace her in a hug and quickly kissed her on the lips. "I'm worried for Ava. This is going to devastate her." "I know, promise me we'll never fight when we have kids?" Izzie said jokingly. "Iz, let's get through our wedding before we start having kids!" Alex replied slapping her ass as she giggled and walked into the kitchen.

"You just wait, two weeks and then the kids thing...it's seriously happening." Alex smirked...smiling at the fact that she would be his wife two weeks from then. "We can practice all you want on our honey moon" He added running his hand once again over her ass. She slapped him away as they joined Ava with some ice cream.