Is Forever Enough?

Chapter 64

Stepping into the twins' brand new nursery was full of emotion for Derek. He had seen it the night before for the first time, but it didn't compare to seeing it in daylight. The colors were softer, yet brighter. It looked much homier than it had the night before. It was all finished. The white furniture that had sat for so long untouched was in place. The clothes Meredith had fretted over were hung neatly in the large closet and Addison had taken care of all the extra finishing details.

He had to admit, after all the fighting and disagreements, Addison had come through with a gorgeous room. The designer she had mentioned had been expensive, but well worth it since he barely had to lift a finger the entire time. Somehow his ex-wife had talked the woman into scratching all her previous ideas and starting fresh. He had to remember to thank her for that because the room defied all his expectations. Even Ava, who was throwing a fit because she couldn't see her room until Christmas was rendered speechless. "It's beautiful daddy." She told him and spend an hour just touching everything in it. She was right it was beautiful, actually, it was beyond beautiful and he couldn't wait to see Meredith's reaction.

Derek had the urge to touch things like Ava had and with a smile he walked over to the wall and ran his hand over the thick white shelf that cut the room in half. He had wanted just a white chair rail to give the room some depth. But, the designer had suggested making it into a shelf so it could be useful. It was wider on the wall that the cribs were up against and thinner everywhere else. There wasn't anything on it yet, but he could just imagine the many picture frames that would line it soon enough. Running his hand over and over it he admired the craftsmanship. It wasn't an easily put together room by any means. Everything in it was sturdy, durable and well put together.

Addison had insisted that the room had to be done by Christmas. At the time, he argued with her. It didn't make sense to him. Meredith wouldn't be there to see it, he felt there wasn't a need to rush it. But, once again he had been wrong because he couldn't imagine having to wait longer to have it completed. He had stayed mostly out of the way while they did it. Not that he had time to stay home and over see it anyway. It was almost a complete surprise when he saw the finished product. His face turned sad as his thoughts turned once again to his wife.

She should have been there with him to see it as well. They should have seen it first together...not separately. He missed her. The room was a constant reminder that she was not there. He knew without a doubt she would love the room. It was her. Everything in it was so Meredith that he wondered if she'd want to sleep in it as well. Looking up at the ceiling, which was painted completely different than the rest of the room, he gazed in wonder. He imagined his girls falling asleep every night with the same wonderment and it made his heart long to have them there. Even just being around his wife made him feel instantly closer to his girls.

With one last, hopeful glance, he left the room. Ava's swing set was due to arrive. He wasn't even sure how long it would take to put it together so he hoped Lexie could keep Ava occupied as long as possible. Derek had a lot to do before his trip back to the hospital. Somehow he had to get Ava's gifts there without her seeing them or the whole Santa fantasy would be blown forever. It was a stressful day filled with constant tedious planning, but it was worth it to see Meredith. Christmas just wasn't as special without her.

***

"This was a lame ass idea we should just turn around. Cristina, turn the car around." Meredith commanded from the passenger seat. Rolling her eyes, her friend didn't listen.

"You made me drive all the way out here for this gagging mushy stuff, we are not turning around now."

"You offered to. Now turn the car around." Meredith was being serious. The closer they got to her house the more nervous she became until they were only minutes away and her stomach was churning.

"I only offered because it gets me away from Mama for awhile. She's driving me nuts as usual." Much to Meredith's surprise Cristina had decided to give marriage counseling another try and ever since her and Preston had been on the road to recovery. "I should have just divorced him so I wouldn't have to deal with this Christmas crap. He knows I don't celebrate holidays."

"We're not exactly holiday people." Meredith reminded her and turned up the cool air so it would blow in her face. She had the sudden urge to vomit. Meredith's cell phone rang and looking at the caller ID she sighed and clicked ignore.

"Was it him again?" Cristina asked exasperated. Derek had called at least 3 times since they had left the hospital and each time Meredith hit ignore, knowing she was too nervous to talk to him. He'd be able to tell she was in a car. Not to mention, she rambled when she was nervous. She was sure he was most likely bordering on panic mode and she hoped he wouldn't be too worried once she got there.

Meredith didn't have to reply. Cristina could tell just by her face that it was. "You know, I think I liked it better when he was a crappy husband. He's kind of annoying now."

"He's always been like this." Meredith chuckled momentarily forgetting they were about a minute away from pulling into her driveway.

"I know...you should have divorced him when you had the chance." Cristina's anti cheerful ring tone pierced through the car and both girls looked at each other with a knowing look. "He did not..." She flipped open her phone as they pulled up to the driveway and stopped the car before they could make their way around the circle and to the front of the house. "Derek, I'm kind of in the middle of something here." She told him rather harshly into the phone, although it wasn't an abnormal greeting for the two of them.

Meredith sat listening to the one ended conversation and her nerves shot into overdrive at hearing Derek's voice come through the phone. He was in their house right now...probably pacing around like a mad man trying to figure out where she was. She wanted to run back to the hospital and forget the whole thing. He was going to kill her.

"No, I don't know where she is. It really wasn't my turn to watch her." Meredith knew he was sighing in annoyance. She couldn't see him, but she knew he was running his hands through his hair. "Oh, she didn't didn't answer either? I'm right near her room let me check." Cristina put the phone down and clicked the button and turned to Meredith with an evil grin. "He's already called Mark and Addison. What, does he do have a homing device on you? He just saw you two hours ago!" Meredith rolled her hand in the air motioning for her friend to wrap up the conversation. Just sitting in the driveway was killing her. She either needed to drive away or go in and get it over with.

Picking back up the phone Cristina spoke in a worried tone, even though her face was curved into a smile. "Oh, she's not in her room? That's weird....the nurse said she didn't tell anyone where she was going. Her wheel chair is still here too...isn't she not supposed to walk around?" Meredith hit her in the arm and Cristina held the phone away from her ear as Derek started yelling into it.

"I'll ask around and then call you back." Cristina hung up the phone not letting him say anything else. "He really needs to invest in some anxiety medicine. I could write him a script if he wants." Meredith just stared at her with wide eyes.

"That was mean."

"I know. It'll make the surprise better. How long do you think before we see him bolt out of the house?"

"Ten minutes... he's probably calling Lexie now." Meredith replied calmly. The house was just sitting there staring at her the exact same way she had left it. Though it had only been a few weeks, it felt like months, or even years. She could see Derek's Christmas decorations scattered around the yard. She usually teased him about it. No one was around to see it. No car ever ventured up their private road. But, this year she was grateful for his decorations. She was grateful she had the chance to see them at all.

"Alright, well...we'll wait 5 and then bring you in. We'll let him get all good and worked up." Cristina told her looking at the house with glee.

***

Derek made the same circle through the house over and over again. He'd start in the kitchen then move through the hallway that lead into the foyer. He'd travel through the family room stopping along the way to admire the stockings hung along the mantel and then end up back in the kitchen. He was doing his best not to panic and pacing was the only tool he knew to combat it.

Meredith wasn't want to completely defy Addison's orders. Though she hated that stupid hospital room, she didn't regularly wander off out of spite. He couldn't fathom where she would go. If she wasn't with Cristina, or Addison, or Lexie...where else would she be? It was driving him nuts. He usually wasn't so crazy. Under normal circumstances he wouldn't think twice about not knowing her whereabouts. She was a grown woman capable of handling herself in any situation. But, she had been upset and hormonal earlier. He could tell something was bothering her, yet she denied and he had a sinking feeling it had to do with him.

Picking up his phone again he internally debated on what he should do. What if she needed him? What if she was upset, or something had happened and he was a good hour away from her? Of course the rational side of his brain yelled at him and told him he would have known if something happened. But, he never let the rational side win out. This wasn't how the day was supposed to be. He told himself over and over as he made a second loop back into the foyer. It was supposed to be a perfect day for Meredith and Ava.

The doorbell rang, stopping his movements midway through the family room. He cursed loudly. The swing set company had arrived and he was in no mood to deal with them. Taking his time getting to the door, he wondered if he could tell them to come back later. He took a deep breath before he opened the door, mentally preparing himself. He didn't want to take his frustrations out on the people he was trusting to set up Ava's play set.

He opened the door slowly, his mind not even registering to the fact that there wasn't an army of burly men at the door, but instead his wife. He honestly thought he had lost his mind as he stared into her green eyes. He was speechless, actually speechless and really wondered if he had lost his mind. Had he longed for her so much that he was imagining her there? Because, she couldn't really be there. She was in the hospital, on bed rest...and then he saw Cristina walking up their porch steps with bags in her hands and the reality of the situation settled into his mind.

"Meredith? What are you doing here?" She was just standing there staring at him with a mixture of fear and longing.

"Merry Christmas Derek." She finally said and suddenly she was in his arms neither of them knowing how she had gotten there.

"Yeah Merry Christmas and all that." Christina grumbled as she pushed past them to bring Meredith's things into the house. Inhaling the flowery scent of her hair he held her as close as he could not understanding what was going on. His first instinct was to worry, but she didn't seem upset, in a bad way at least. Letting go of the hold he had on her he released her, but kept her at arms length.

Tiny tears were building in her eyes and though it was rather cold out, he could feel the warmth radiating off of her. "You're gonna have to help me out here Mer." He told her with his own smile still not being able to fathom her standing there.

She was no longer worried he would be mad. The love he had for her almost oozed out of his voice. Though confusion lines were apparent on his forehead, there was a glimmer in his eyes that had been missing in recent days.

"Where the hell do you keep the alcohol in this house?" They heard Cristina call from the foyer, but neither of them made any kind of reply. They were too lost in each other to care what Cristina had said.

Meredith still hadn't answered his question and he asked again, "How did you do this?" Finally, she answered him, though she couldn't stop herself from giggling when she did.

"A little girl, we both know, told me her daddy didn't want anything but me for Christmas." His eyes twinkled at her words and he held out his hand as she continued. "So, she let me borrow some fairy dust and I flew home." There were tears in his eyes, he could feel them stinging just waiting to be released and he didn't even bother to stop them from falling. Ava had been right all along and as he ushered Meredith through the threshold, he couldn't help but think his Christmas wish had come true.