𝐆𝐫𝐞𝐲 | 𝐋𝐞𝐯𝐢 𝐀𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

✥𝙼𝙴𝙽𝚃𝙾𝚁✥

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Why was she doing this again?
Violet was pacing behind Levi's door, rethinking her decision of coming to the man for help. It has been three weeks since her last outburst towards her squad, three weeks of holding back her frustration and stress of leading a bunch of young cadets. She was tired. At the brink of having another outburst for no complete reason, only for the fact that she was stressed and lost in this world of higher-ups and expectations that she couldn't see. She didn't know whether what she was doing was right, or whether she was being too harsh. It was all a blurry line when it should be a fine line for her.
So here she was, about to ask the most unresponsive man ever for some help. It hurt her pride, asking Levi for help. But it was what she had to do for the squad. Her squad.

Swallowing her pride, she knocked on the door thrice. She didn't even wait for him to ask his usual 'state name and business'. "It's me, Violet. Let me in, please." She heard nothing behind the door, not even the approaching footsteps of the man. She frowned, her mouth turning sour as she thought Levi would leave her standing there looking like a gods damn idiot. She knew he was in there, it was where he mostly was at. "Levi, open the fucking door."
Narrowed eyes met hers, as the door swung open. "I heard you the first time, Grey. I don't think the last part was necessary or needed." He had his arms crossed, his usual frown adorning his face as he looked at her with annoyance.
"You must forgive me, Levi." She said. "I just thought I might have to repeat it twice because at your old age, doesn't hearing get harder?" She bit back her laugh, wanting nothing more than to burst out laughing in front of the man. But the smirk present on her rosy lips revealed the wicked laughter that she was so hard trying to hide.
"And aren't you too pissy for your age, brat." He flicked her forehead with his finger, the contact creating a loud sound and an aching pain between her brows. "Why are you even here, Grey?"
"I don't know how many times I got to tell you to call me Violet if you want me to call you Levi. It's so sloppy on your part." She said. "And I'm here because I...need your help." The last part was barely audible, the words rushing past her lips as she mumbled them out.
"What?"
"Don't make me say it again, I know you heard it."
"I wouldn't be making you repeat the same shit if I had already heard it before, Violet."
She sighed. "I need your help."
"Help?" Levi said, meeting her gaze with his grey eyes. "Enlighten me, Grey."

"It's just...I do a terrible job at being a captain. While I do train them to be in tip-top shape and whatnot, I just tend to explode. I snap at them at the tiniest bit and I--I guess I doubt my abilities in this specific area." She said. "You didn't tell me being a captain was going to be so fucking hard." She tried to make a joke, but it fell flat as the stoic man in front of her didn't even stifle a laugh. Didn't recognize that she was trying to lighten up the mood after being so sincere about her failures to the man who seemed everything and perfect. "I'm just afraid to be bad at this, my one job here. I want to be good, I want to succeed." She added.
Levi shrugged. "Just do what you think is right, Grey. There are no rights or wrongs, just do them and learn along the way."
If she had expected to get a decent answer from this man, she was so gods damn wrong. Like always, his answers did not help light up the correct path for her. Instead, it just frustrated her more to the point she saw red. Red because her anger and stress were now directed to him, at the man to who she showed her weakness and offered her no sort of direction or reassurance. She was a fool. A gods damn fool for coming to him. She got up, throwing the chair away from her harder than she should've. "Gods, I knew coming to you was a waste of my fucking time. You are so damn useless, I don't know why I thought you would actually help me."

"I didn't ask to be captain. Didn't want to be when the proposal arouse." His voice rang through her ears as her hand landed on the cold doorknob. She let it there, waiting to see if he would say something else or he was only further wasting her time. "I wasn't sure whether I would be a great figure, much less did I thought I would lead a whole group of people towards success. I didn't like the fact that I would potentially be leading my cadets to their deaths. People who looked up to me." He sighed. "I didn't want their blood in my hands, I thought I wouldn't be able to live with that."
Violet turned around, hands leaving the knob and eyes going straight to Levi, who was opening up to her. "But I am able to live with that. Or at least I think I am because I continue doing my job. I wasn't sure if I was doing the right job as a captain, no one was around to guide me or tell me whether what I was making my cadets do was right or wrong. I learned from what I saw around and based on what I felt was right. What was right for them so that they wouldn't die on me." He looked up, his grey eyes meeting her own with an expression she couldn't quite place. It was a mixture of many feelings that she couldn't recognize what exactly the man felt, yet could somehow imagine what he felt. But she just stared back, not trying to figure out the puzzle that Levi Ackerman was. She just listened, taking in his moment of truth with her. "If a list of rules and orders is what you're seeking, then I'm afraid no one will be able to hand you that. But if it is advice, then I could offer you some that have aided me so far."
Violet gestured to the chair. "May I?"
Levi nodded. "Help yourself, brat."

✥

So while her pride was shattered to the floor due to all the good advice, that she was actually going to use, that Levi had given her, Violet really appreciated all his tips and tricks and the fact that he took his time to give her the best advice and explanations he could come up with. It was worth it, sucking up her pride, although it did mortify her, but at least she would start fixing her mistakes and be the version of a captain her cadets deserved. "But what about..." She sighed. "What do you do about that aching fear in the back of your mind of losing all of your cadets?" Her E/C eyes avoided his stare, not wanting to fully betray the emotions such thought havoc in her. "No matter how hard I tried not to care about them, I just couldn't. They-they are special to me."
Levi sighed. "I understand what you mean, Violet. Completely. And I wish I had an answer for you, but I don't, because till this day, that same question roams around my head every single day, before every expedition, after the expedition and when I recruit new cadets to replace those I lost. Those I failed to protect." He also avoided her gaze, eyes leaving her body as he turned to look elsewhere, anywhere but her. He didn't want to show her his emotions either, didn't want to be so vulnerable. Wanted to appear brave in front of Violet. "I think that regardless of how much you desire to abandon those...feelings towards your cadets, I believe it's unavoidable. Inevitable, even. It's human, caring about those you surround yourself with. It's an instinct, one I don't think you can get rid of because, in a way, it is what makes you human in this wicked world. Caring keeps you human and sane."
"So you care about your squad, just as much as I do." She turned to look at him, eyes shining with a question she didn't voice.
"I do." He said, after a moment of silence. "They are my cadets after all. People I have to protect. Who look up to me. You were also another pain I had to nurse, brat. Your reckless ass is not easy to keep an eye on."
A snort left her lips. "I'll take that as a compliment, Levi." She said. "But if I'm being honest too, I also looked out for you on missions, if that means anything. Your old ass surprisingly does not need protection. After all, you are the almighty Humanities Strongest Soldier." She said the title with a mocking tone, knowing how much Levi dreaded being called such a name. He found it pointless, utterly pointless. He was just another soldier, granted better than others, but still a mere soldier. "Tch and I thought here you were being tolerable for a moment." 

Violet smiled at him, looking at him in the eyes. He was enjoyable, apparently. Not that much of a pain in her ass nor that mean. It surprised her, this side of Levi. She knew she didn't show it to many, that much was apparent. But she liked this side. Found it sweet and wanted to taste even more of it. It was addicting in a way. Levi wasn't fully kind, having some harsh and sarcastic remarks just like her. But he was sweet, in his own way, and she liked it. He had her humour too, which let Violet know that the two of them would become really good friends, if they tried. He returned the smile to her, his lips stretching the tiniest bit that it didn't even look like a smile. But she knew Levi somewhat well, which told her that this was his attempt at returning the gesture. It was an awkward sort of grin but he was trying which was all that mattered.
They would've continued absorbed in their little smiles and stares if it wasn't for the frantic knocks on the door that brought them back to the current time. "Levi! Open up, I want to tell you about my current experiment." Hanji said as they continued knocking on the door. Violet got up and quickly slide the chair where it belonged, taking this intrusion as her queue to leave. "I have to go train my squad, they are probably waiting for me." She said. "But thank you, Levi. I appreciate this."

She didn't wait for him to answer, as she opened the door and left quickly, avoiding Hanji's surprised stare as they followed her as she left. Hanji's wide eyes told her what they suspected, which wasn't the case at all, so she knew the kind of teasing that was bound to come from them in the near future. And she dreaded the thought as she made way to her cadets. 

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