𝐆𝐫𝐞𝐲 | 𝐋𝐞𝐯𝐢 𝐀𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

✥𝚃𝙴𝙰✥

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"For the Gods sake." Violet groaned, tossing her body to the other side of her bed. "Please, please, let me sleep. Just an hour at least, but please." It had been an hour or two since she left Levi's office and went to her room, tossing her body straight to her bed in a failing attempt of catching some rest. She had severe sleep deprivation. A real bad case of it. It has completely obliterated her sleep schedule since the young age of twelve after the traumatizing events of her first-ever failed mission when the life of her companion was brutally taken before her eyes. Ever since then, she hadn't been able to get a taste of what a good sleep did to one's body as she hardly slept the sufficient amount to get her body to feel that euphoria. So there she was, trying to find the cold side of her bed in order to try to get her body to shut down. "This is so fucking useless."
Groaning, she got up from her bed, sliding on her shoes before she left her room. She didn't know where she was going, didn't have an exact destination. She just had to be out of her room before those four walls and her ceiling drove her to the brink of insanity. How many nights had she stared at that damn ceiling in a hopeful attempt of sleeping? 

She was being as quiet as she could be, aware that there were young cadets who didn't suffer from the same luck as her. They were probably off dreaming their third dream of the night, eyes closed as their minds took them somewhere so far away. It made her smile, thinking such a thing. She wanted nothing more but to do the same thing, to let her mind drag her somewhere far away from the cruel world she was forced to live in. But it had been a long time since that happened, and every time she managed to close her eyes and get some rest, her dreams were always filled with the most gruesome and stomach-churning things that left her catching her breath. They were awful, truly downright terrible. Sometimes the fine line between what was made up by her mind and what was real and factual events blurred too much for Violet to know if she had lived through that and it was just her mind making her remember such cruel things, or if it was fake and it didn't have to pain her so much as it did.

Somehow, her legs brought her to the kitchen of the Survey Corps. There was no one there, of course, as it was so late at night that no one would be here at such an ungodly hour. Except for her. She didn't know why she was even here, in the first place. But she wouldn't complain, not one bit, as anywhere was better than the suffocating walls of her room. Her bedroom was not her favourite place, never has been. If anything, her gods damn office was her much preferred place. Her bedroom has always been associated, in her mind, with a negative image, as her nightmares and bad memories relived consistently occurred in her room at the late hours of the day. Without a fault, they always poisoned her mind only in her room when all she wanted was peace. So, in turn, her bedroom became a chilling place to her.
She grabbed a small pot and poured some water into it. She was going to brew some chamomile tea in hopes that the calming effect would soothe her into a deep sleep. Thank the gods she had brought Levi's the varieties of teas she did, as chamomile was one of them. He only drank religiously black tea, which she liked, but that would keep her more awake rather than have the effect she wanted. "Fuck, how do I light this up?" There was no matches or flint in sight, probably hidden away by the cooks themselves from prying hands. Seeing no other option, with a flick of her wrist, a furious red flame ignited in her palm. She got the fire started and placed the pot with the water and leaves in the flaming heat.

"Very creative, Grey." His voice startled her, goosebumps raising in her arm as she stepped back, her back hitting the counter. "Gods, Levi. Announce yourself next time, would you?"
"Tch. What are you doing here, brat? Do you want to wake up the whole damn survey corps or do you just have some heavy feet?"
She offered him a small smile, her lips barely moving an inch. "Sorry, I'm sure it's the latter."
Levi noticed right away her dull mood, her aura appearing much bluer than the one she had when she was in his office a couple of hours ago. He wondered what had caused it, what made her become a walking mess of pure dullness. But he did not press it, it was none of his business. Instead, all he said was, "Insomnia?"
"Is it that obvious?"
He shrugged. "I know a thing or two."

She sighed and stretched her arms over her head. "I can't sleep, haven't been able to for a good time now. Haven't known what good sleep is since I was twelve." She looks to the pot on the stove, noticing the tea was ready. Grabbing a cup, she turned to Levi and raised the cup slightly. "Would you like a cup?"
"What tea is it?"
"Chamomile, a bit different from your usual."
He sighed. He wouldn't be picky about his taste just this once. "Sure."
She poured him a cup of tea and placed it on the table, pushing it his way. She grabbed another cup and poured herself some for her own. "The insomnia started ever since a failed mission. When I was twelve, me and some other assassin from the keep -- a kid a year older than me -- were sent to this mission to retrieve something that was stolen from Austin." She took a deep breath. "Well, long story short, everything went to shit. While we were able to retrieve what was stolen, as we were leaving, we were caught. He made too much noise and alerted the guards and pretty much everyone whom we were stealing back from. They caught the two of us and--" She took another breath. "As punishment, to 'remind us to not fuck with them' they killed him in front of me. Made me watch as they held me back how they tortured the life out of my companion. I couldn't look away, couldn't help. I was just there, utterly useless, as I watched the life drain from his eyes.

"They left him completely unrecognizable. His body destroyed beyond words. It was-- the worst thing I had ever seen in my whole time as an assassin. They made sure he suffered a great deal. After they were done, they let me go, even with the thing I stole from them. I never told anyone what happened, not even Julian. It was so bad, Levi. Truly bad. Gods, he was only thirteen! Thirteen! A boy. A boy who had a whole life left to live. And I didn't do anything. I couldn't help him. I couldn't save him."
"I'm-- it was not your fault, Violet." He said. It was all the comfort he could offer, didn't know what else to say that would be the right thing to say. He was awful at this.
She sighed. "I know. I know that. But I can't help but feel like I could've done something or whatever." She shrugged. "Well, ever since that I haven't known what good sleep is like. So here we are."
She brought the cup to her lips and took a sip of it. Levi did the same, drinking the warm liquid. It tasted really good, far better than Levi wanted to admit. It was brewed the correct amount of time that the taste of the tea was divine. Just like he would've done it, maybe even better if he was feeling like being honest. It was a good cup of tea, which made Levi giddy on the inside.
"So you also deal with insomnia?" She asked.
"Here I am, aren't I?"
She rolled her eyes at him, a small growl ringing in her throat. "You sure love being an asshole, huh." She said, "How long have you had it?"
"Tch. It's not like I count how long my sleeping has been shit for."
A loud groan fell from her lips, narrowing her eyes in annoyance. "You make it impossible to talk to you, you know?" She said, "But why can't you sleep? Is it the nightmares or..."
"Most of the time it's just my body that is incapable of dozing off...But I do...dream...bad stuff occasionally." Why was he being so damn honest? It was so unlike him, but he couldn't help it, the words just rolled out of his tongue without being registered by his mind first. He didn't welcome it though, much rather would not tell her a thing, but she made him want to share those things. And he couldn't even decipher why. 

Violet sighed, running a hand through her H/C locks. "I'm sorry if made any sound, or if I bothered anyone while they slept. I'll try to be more cautious next time." She said. A pang of guilt ranged through Levi's body, cringing as he was only attempting to make a joke to the girl by saying that. She wasn't truly loud, actually made no noise at all, her feet light as a feather. He had only found her because he, too, couldn't sleep and wanted fresh air to clear his mind and make all those thoughts stop poisoning his mind. He wanted to tell her it was a joke, but his lips wouldn't move. "It's just--every time I close my eyes -- as clique as it sounds -- it's just a bunch of nightmares lurking behind my eyelids." She continued, "I never once get a good dream. It's always things that ensure keeping me up all night, reliving things that I don't want to re-live. It's bad and I'm so, so tired, Levi."
He knew that feeling all too well. He was tired too. More than he showed. But hearing Violet say those last words, the tone that she had said it with...it pained him...to see such a young girl so beaten down by the world. To know that life was cruel to her since her early years, it was a wonder she still was here, fighting with her every breath. He, too, had endured terrible, terrible things that shaped his life, but maybe not like what Violet Grey had seen. He hated that life was this way, damn it all to hell. No one asked for this life, yet here they all were paying the gods debts. It wasn't fair, never had been fair. Yet he still waited with great anticipation for the day that this will be finally over. For the day that he no longer had to lift his blades and kill those creatures that he loathed with all his soul. But his dream was hopeless, had learned it the hard way. 

"Go to sleep, brat. Try and get some rest." It was all he could offer.
She smiled at him weakly. Or at least, that's what he thought the twitch of her lip was. He looked at her in the eyes and had to prevent himself from staggering back. She had let her walls down, showed him what genuinely was behind that facade she put up without failure; and what he saw made something within him break.
Those E/C eyes he had come to learn as hers were empty, not a single golden ember of fire sparkling in those stunning eyes. The doors to her vessel showed him enough of what the world had made Violet Grey become, what it had smothered her to; and nothing had made him want to protect a person more than the urge that flowed through him to protect the girl in front of him. He thought he had seen devastating things, but what those eyes uncovered made him need to hurt the world and any individual who had murdered that light from Violet's eyes. When he had thought of the girl as a wicked fire, a ceaseless bright flame that would illuminate each and every room she entered, her eyes had revealed how that flame had long since extinguished, leaving pure darkness behind. They told him stories of how the world had brought her down, how it slaughtered her with every breath she gave. They were so many of them that his head whirled with the overwhelming amount of despair that she told them with. He couldn't continue looking at them, felt himself gradually fall to pieces as he continued watching. He looked down to the cup he grasped, knuckles becoming white from the hard hold he held the porcelain cup with. He was losing his composure and that never happened to him. He shook his head, trying to regain his thoughts. But what he thought just made him lose himself more. 

The world had broken Violet Grey; and he did not know if there was any way of saving her from it.

And he hated it. 

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no but what if I write another fanfic? what if.