𝐆𝐫𝐞𝐲 | 𝐋𝐞𝐯𝐢 𝐀𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

✥𝙸 𝚆𝙸𝙻𝙻 𝙰𝙻𝚆𝙰𝚈𝚂 𝙻𝙾𝚅𝙴 𝚈𝙾𝚄✥

≫ ──── ≪•◦ ❈ ◦•≫ ──── ≪

BEFORE

To my love, Levi,

I don't know how to write this without wanting to erase everything in this letter. To start anew and think my words through. There's so much I want to tell you, to express to you, but either words are never enough or I get nervous and my heart starts rising to my throat as I pour each and every feeling into this letter.
But I won't. I will leave everything I feel in this letter, no matter how some things might not make much sense as I spill; and that you might make fun of me afterwards for the rest of our lives.
I never expected to find ourselves here. In love and united as one.
It never once crossed my mind, that day we met, that you'll come to mean so much to me. Much more than the value of life, than freedom or any other thing I have so desperately desired. I never thought I'd come to love you, to like you so much that any word you say, any look you give me, would have my heart racing and a big grin devouring my lips. I never thought you'd be the reason for my happiness; the reason I want to live.
You never gave me the indication you'd like me, nor did I ever give it to you. At first, I couldn't stand the slightest sight of you. I couldn't stand hearing your name, seeing you order around and being better at everything than I was. I did not like you, not one bit. I remember I always thought to myself --- vowed to myself, actually --- that never in a million years, not even in this life or the next, will we ever be friends.
It's funny how wrong and naive I was back then.
Because as I started to get to know you, all those restless nights in your office working with you or those little random talks we would have anywhere in the Survey Corps, had me changing my very solid opinion of you. Being with you, even for the tiniest of times, had me liking you bit by bit. Maybe it was the way you talked or the way you saw life; the way you understood me without having the need to explain more to you than I had to. I don't know what it was, but all those tiny things we did together, just you and I, had me opening my heart to you. Had me smiling at you and trusting you more than I ever had with a person.
One night I remember the most was when you came to the kitchen and found me falling apart. Although I did not voice it and did not show it as much as any other person would've, you knew. With a single look, you had seen something within me change. And that had surprised me, if I'm being honest. I was surprised that you had been able to tell that I was not okay, because most people could never tell. But you did--- and you did not judge me for it.
I don't think I ever thanked you for that. For not judging me that night. So thank you, Levi, for seeing me and not being afraid of what you see. Of who I am. Of who I've been, seen and done. I'll always remember that. Because aside from Julian, you are the only person who has been able to truly look at me and has not been afraid or disgusted by what you've seen.
Ever since then, I started being more open with you. I started wanting to be more around you. And I think it was from there that I started feeling something more for you--- I just didn't know it.
I had never been in love before, not even once. I did not have the luxury of it. So I did not know what I was experiencing, did not know what that fluffy feeling in my chest was whenever I was with you. It's gonna sound really stupid, and for that you might laugh at me, but I thought it meant I trusted you. That it was a sign that you were someone I could trust and rely on. And in a sense, that's true. Because I am able to do all of that with you. But it was also me falling in love with you--- that's what it truly meant. I was just so unaware of it.
It took me a while to understand what it meant. But the moment I realized I did, that I understood what that feeling that grew stronger and stronger with passing days, was when you went looking for me and found me in my bathroom. You found me shattered in the tub, crying and the most vulnerable I had ever been with you at that point. That same day, you saw my back. You saw how I was left after all those years under the Military Police. You saw what they did, how they left me and ruined me--- forever for me to carry. I never like seeing my back, not even now. It's a terrible, permanent reminder of what they did. Of what I endured. And yet, while it means I survived, it also brings me back to those days. And I never want to re-live those days, never again. I also don't like it because it's not what it once used to be. I don't mind scars, we all have them; some of us just happen to have them more visible than most. But those in my back-- they make me feel ugly. They make me feel insecure and not beautiful at all.
Yet, when you saw them, when you saw my broken back, all that mess of thick tissues and different pigment skin, you were not repulsed. You did not say the words I feared to hear.
No, you were mad. Mad at what they did to me. What they put me through for those four long and awful years. You did not think I was ugly. You did not think I was unworthy or weak. You did not think those things I feared you'd think once you saw that part of me.
Levi, I don't think you'll ever understand how much that night meant to me. Means to me. And the fact that you even went to wash my back, to help me as I broke apart--- that was when I understood what I felt. That's when I knew I loved you.
I don't know when exactly you fell in love with me--- I'll forever be curious about that until the day you decide to tell me. But I knew you loved me, too. I knew that I was not alone in how I felt. Because you felt the same way as I did. Otherwise we would not be here today.
The day you asked me to marry you --- more like the night --- was something I never expected. It's not like I had a specific scenario in mind of how you'd propose to me. Actually, I did not care much about that. Much less thought it'd happen because I thought we would just remain the same for the rest of our lives. Not because I did not want to marry you nor that I don't believe in marriage, but it was more that neither of us care much about official titles and things like that.
But when you did, as we laid in bed, and you took my hand in yours and slid the ring without uttering a word--- never in a million years did I expect that. But I was so so happy. My heart was racing out of my chest and little tears were forming in my eyes as I stared at our joint hands, mine with the ring I now know you went hell and back to find. And then you started to talk and the things you said I will forever carry in my heart.
Levi, I am so happy. You make me so happy. And I hope you know that.
I hope you know how much I love you. How much you mean to me. I hope you know how happy I was as I walked down the aisle with Thomas guiding me to you. Just us two, with Thomas and Petru to bear witness of our union as it is required. And the marriage officiant, of course.
I was so happy, I couldn't stop smiling. I was also very nervous for some reason. And teary-eyed.
But as I reached you and you took my hands in yours and looked me in the eyes, the calmness that only you can manage out of me took over and then I was only happy.
If I'm being honest, I did not hear a word of what the marriage officiant said. All I could focus on was you. On your grey eyes, on your little smile, on how you held on to my hands tighter and tighter each time. That's all I could focus on. I was lost in the bliss of the moment that I don't know how or when I started saying my vows, only that I meant them with every fibre of my being. That I said them with all the love I have for you and more.
I meant all that I said in those vows, Levi. Down to every little word.
No matter what the world brings upon us, how old we are, or anything in the world, remember that I will always love you.

Thank you for always walking that dark path back to the light with me.

Your Wife,
Violet Ackerman

≫ ──── ≪•◦ ❈ ◦•≫ ──── ≪

this is a flashback besties btw.
their wedding day but through violet's eyes, much much later after it happened.