Welcome To My Deep 3AM Thoughts

Advice.

 I don't have deep thoughts this morning. I have advice. 

 I'm often asked about my last relationship and how we seemed to be "goals" at the time. People asked "why did he pick you?" Or they wonder why we got together so quickly. 

 I'll tell you. 

 The secret? It's all about how you approach someone. Nobody likes to be accused of doing things they never even had in mind. No one enjoys being yelled at. There comes a point in your life, more in particular, your love life, where you have to set aside your trust issues and insecurities. You have to stop comparing your current relationship with all the other failed ones. You have to get out of the "everyone is the same" mindset. If you need help with that, I suggest making a pros and cons list. If your current partner has more cons, work them out or perhaps find someone who has more pros. Be mindful of your choices when it comes to this, though. The grass is greener where you water it. Accusations of cheating is probably the common fight couples have. Most people don't know how to talk about it, so yelling and fighting come up to the surface. 

 Ask your partner how they know certain people and if they have a history with them. Ask what kind of friendship is being shared. Ask, without demanding passwords to accounts that are not yours, to see small portions of the conversation. Don't get loud, don't be rude, don't get cocky, and if you're denied, be respectful. Some conversations are private and you need to be mindful of that. Will it be hard? Yes. Most definitely. It's all about trust. If you cannot trust your partner, you need to end your relationship. If you cannot blindly trust the one person you want forever with, you need to walk away immediately and work on your trust issues. However, if you're able to get parts of a conversion without much trouble and you're getting the information you need without fighting over passwords, you need to let things go. You have to understand your partner will have friends outside of your knowledge and that's okay. 

 When you force someone to push anyone out of their life without it being their choice, they grow to resent you. They find it harsh and it's a silent killer of a relationship. If you wouldn't want anyone controlling who you spend your time with and who you choose to sympathize with, you have to understand its a two way street. 

 In my last relationship, we never forced each other's hand on blocking people. We spoke about insecurities and things became mutual and personal decisions were made. We didn't fight. It's one of the first rules we places once we decided to be together. Both of us had fought enough for two lifetimes when it came to relationships, so we wanted a safe place where we could be rational and understanding. 

 Is it easy? No. It's hard not being able to yell and scream and accuse when things get complicated. It's difficult to not walk away completely and to be understanding sometimes. It's hard to accept the fact that there will be times you will be the last priority. People always assume relationships are fairytales and the honey mood phase is 24/7, everlasting. 

 And it's not. 

 You'll experience hardships, but with the right person, you'll get through it. 

 Bottom line is, if you're not willing to sit down and calmly talk about your current issues within the relationship, you're never going to be happy. Playing the blame game and assuming you're always right will destroy not only the love this person has for you, but it'll take your relationship down within weeks. No relationship is perfect. You have to fight like hell and it's not always 50/50. And if you feel the need to be forceful to get some answers to be satisfied, you need to do some soul searching and figure out what issues you need to work on within yourself. Your life is hard enough. Don't let your relationship more complicated than what it should be. It's basic respect going both ways and if you can't agree to that without throwing a fit, you don't need to be in a relationship.