Welcome To My Deep 3AM Thoughts

Yes.

 I used to tell myself "no." 

 No, I won't look in the mirror today. No, I won't do the dishes. No, I won't tell my brain pretty and positive thoughts. No, I won't mop the floors. No, I won't shower today. No, I won't do the laundry that has been piled up for a month now. No, I won't take out the trash, even though the bin is full. No, I won't go to family events. No, I won't go on dates. No, I won't have one night stands. No, I won't make the first move. No, I won't go for a drive. No, I won't go for a walk. No, I won't talk to this person. No, I won't color this, it's too detailed. No, I won't edit today. No, I won't get online. No, I won't face the truth. No, I won't ask questions. No, I won't care. 

 It never seemed to matter how much effort I tried to put into my daily routine, my anxiety, my depression, my anger, my reasons seemed to weigh me down. It felt like I had no choice but to comply with "laying around". What's worse, is that I believed it. I believed that I had no control over my life, over my choices. I felt like whatever I felt that day, that was it. 

 I have been struggling with mental illness for as long as I can remember and there hasn't been a day where it is quiet and peaceful. 

 One day I heard this advice. I hope it helps whoever is reading this. 

 "Ignore it."

 For the longest time, I didn't understand why you would ignore something like depression. I didn't understand why you would ignore your anxiety. Until one day, I was staring into a pill bottle and I wondered how many it would take to end my life. 

 "Ignore it" does not mean lock it away and ignore it. It means when those thoughts creep in, when you are more familiar with the word "no" instead of your friends and family, when the world seems dull and like there is nothing left... you get up. You don't let it consume you. You do exactly what you don't want to do. 

 It takes 15 minutes to fold laundry. It takes four minutes to take the trash out. It takes 10 minutes to do the dishes. It takes 20 minutes to bathe. It takes zero minutes to tell yourself that you are worth it. 

 There's 24 hours in a day. 

 Yes, you can do it. 

 Yes, you should do it. 

 Yes, you need to do it.

 Yes, you want to do it. 

 Yes.