Welcome To My Deep 3AM Thoughts

Enough.

 No because, fuck you. I was enough. I loved you. I loved you so much it was painful to me. I took every ounce of love I had for myself and I poured it into you. Do you know how drained I was when I found out you left me and you weren't coming back? I waited for you, lifeless. I was hoping I wouldn't have to mourn another relationship. And after I explained my pain to you, after I told you everything that has happened in my life, you did the worst thing. You did the thing I begged you not to do. You made my inner child love you. You made me feel safe. You made feel like I was home. And when you left, you set the whole fucking house on fire. Fuck you because, I told you she was everything I wanted to be. I told you I was so insecure because she had everything I wanted and you knew how much I hated my flaws. You told me the same bullshit I bet you tell any other girl, how it's the very thing that we hate most about ourselves that you adore. And fuck you because, I was ready to marry you and I hate marriage. You made me sit here and believe what we had was real. You made me sit here and think what you presented to me, was love. Fuck you because, not only did you use me to distract yourself from your ex but, you used my body for sex and you knew how to get me to agree to it even when I didn't want to. Fuck you because, I have tried so hard for so long to not love anyone like this because I hate feeling like someone can mess my life up by making me think what we share is genuine. I hate the power someone can have over me because, love is a powerful thing. Fuck you because, you promised me that you would never leave like you have left ex's from the past. Although, I am not too mad because, the next time someone brings up your past, asks you to explain your crimes and admit to them, you have to think of me. And as much as I beat myself down about not being anything like her, I will take the most pride in knowing she will never be anything like me because, I could never do that to someone. 

 I am terrified of ever opening up to anyone else, ever again. Being with someone feels pointless, at this point. I would like to thank you for making me realize that. I would like to thank you for making me realize that love cannot be born in the place I found ours. 

 It's really a sad story for you. I had a suitcase packed. I had things lined up to make my way to you. I would've moved my entire life to another country for you. Last time I heard of you was when someone said she wouldn't pack up her life for you. I hope she breaks that cold heart of yours. I hope she gives you a taste of your medicine and then I hope karma takes care of her. 

 You will never get to experience my love ever again and that's truly a sad reality for you.