Welcome To My Deep 3AM Thoughts

I Don't Need It.

 It's amazing to me what men will say just to keep you as this background character in their life. I have heard every excuse in the book and I have played almost every role. I am well aware those decisions put me at fault but, that is what growth is for. 

 Let me tell you something. If you are not ready to date, you are not ready for new people to interrupt your life. You are not ready for change and you are not ready for commitment. There is absolutely no point in getting to know someone and trying to love them, if you make it that far, and there is no point in taking someone's peace just because you cannot settle with yours. 

 I have heard it all. More than I ever wanted to hear and one too many times I cared to experience the crippling disappointment I felt because I was foolish to give them said amount of time. 

 I have heard all the excuses. 

 "Let's just be friends." 

 "I need to think." 

 "I just don't think I am ready." 

 "You're not what I thought you would be. We need to get to know each other more." 

 "We are not exclusive, I am talking to there girls." 

 "I have a girl best friend." 

 "I don't do well with new relationships. Can we wait?" 

 "I'm just not right in the head, right now. I can't do this." 

 "I don't want to bring you down. I have things to figure out." 

 None of these things are my problem. It's not my fault you cannot grow up and communicate and handle your shit while being present in someone else's life. I don't need any of it because the reality of it is, I have friends. Long distance and within driving distance. I have a family that holds events and parties every other week. I have my shit together and no matter what I am facing, I will never let it affect my friendships or relationships. 

 I don't need another friend. I don't need to waste another six months to a year of my life trying to convince some sadist that I am worth it. I don't need some weak minded jerk telling me I am the one who needs to understand that its not the right time. 

 Do you know what I can accomplish in six months to a year? I could get a damn good job. I could get a degree. I could start my own business. I could try to have a child. All of which, you could be apart of. But, here's the deal. 

 I don't date my friends. I don't date those who need time. I don't date those who constantly have to take mental health breaks instead of talking to me about what they go through. I do not date those who need to think because, what is there to think about? 

 I have my shit figured out. I am not wasting my time for you to grow up.