Welcome To My Deep 3AM Thoughts

Over You.

 The thing is... 

 I think I am ready but, only for a moment. I think that maybe I have grown just enough or maybe I've healed almost enough to just let the wounds breathe instead of being bandaged and covered. And then it hits me. It slowly creeps in. It's like I am trapped in my mind and the reality of the situation and questions start flowing inside of my head, leaving me no where to run and it's a matter of time before I start to drown.

 It's like water. You think "its not that dangerous. I don't mind getting a little wet." Until you are neck deep and realize there is no way to escape and you can't breathe once your head is full. That's why they say it feels like drowning. 

 And, I am. 

 I am drowning in my thoughts and questions. Questions I could never ask you because, you never reply to my texts. 

 There was no one else, so why? 

 I want to know why you did what you did. I want to know if you are okay. I wonder if you wonder. And I wonder if I ever cross your mind because, sometimes you cross mine and stay for a few days. My mind is your motel six with the nice soaps and clean bedding. 

 I start to think that maybe I could possibly let someone in. Sure, meet my friends. Meet my family. They will tell me how much I am loved and they will never leave.. But the thing is, I know they will. Times get hard and I will want to leave before I get hurt. Everything will cave and I will be back at square one. 

 So, why? 

 Don't you think this is a cruel punishment? 

 Making someone love you. Making someone care. Making someone part of your every day life. Making someone believe you are different. Making someone believe that they have found love within your broken soul. Making someone feel at home in your presence. 

 What if you were all they had? 

 What if you were all I had? 

 And then you just leave. 

 No goodbye. 

 No warning. 

 No reason. 

 Just silence. 

 How could you do that to someone who loved you? 

 I will always wonder because the thing is... 

 It just blows my mind how you can treat a person who loved you, like that.