Welcome To My Deep 3AM Thoughts

Harder Than I Thought.

 What is a talking stage? Laugh with me, because it's funny. It's strange that people hold off actually committing to someone they claim to enjoy being around. Why? 

 I think I realized it today. I talk to handful of people every day. I am constantly switching between apps or talking to a dozen people who are in front of me and have no desire to even acknowledge my phone. I guess people have a glow when they're happy, in their own little world. A uniqueness, I call it. It's their signature look of "I'm doing me and I couldn't care less if you stay or go." I would know, I'm wearing it, myself. 

 I have noticed I have no time to be someone's "what if". I have no time to be someone's back up. Does that make sense? I'm not blind. I'm not ignoring the red flags. I understand why the talking stage is so... time consuming. You want to be careful of who you tie yourself down to, making sure you are not the last minute choice. 

 The amount of times I have heard "I'm lonely." come from a stranger is mind blowing. I hate when people tell me that. And I hate when it's used as an excuse to talk to me. I'm way more expensive than that. 

 If you are lonely, get a dog. If you are lonely, go on a road trip. If you are lonely, make some friends. If you are lonely, try new restaurants. if you are lonely, go to nightclubs and dance with hot and sweaty strangers. If you are lonely, pick up a side hustle. If you are lonely, go to a gym. If you are lonely, go to a movie. You don't use someone for validation just because you are lonely. You don't use people to make your world feel full. Why? Because when they leave, and they will, what are you going to do, then? 

 If you are lonely, you have not found your inner peace. You have yet to figure out how to be perfectly content on your own. 

 I am not someone you want around when you are lonely. Am I healed? Not fully. I am still a work in progress. Do I care? Not really. I am still fucked up and I still have my issues. And underneath all of my hard work, I still have toxic traits. I have been hurt. I refuse to let that be a risk I take just because someone is lonely. I cannot afford it. 

 So, I get it now. I know why people enjoy the talking stage. There is nothing to rush. There's no commitment. And I don't owe anybody shit.