Welcome To My Deep 3AM Thoughts

Lonely.

 "Focus on yourself. Gain some confidence. Do you." 

 That sounds so wonderful. Thank you. It's almost like I didn't even bother to think about doing that. 

 Listen, if that's all the advice you're going to give, please take the quickest exit out of my life. Don't you think I have tried that? Don't you think I'd like to focus on a career? Don't you think I  want healthier habits? Don't you think I've tried doing something for myself? 

 Some of us didn't grow up in supporting households. Some of us don't have the first clue about loving who you are because each time you tried, it was wrong. Don't you think I've tried doing something good for myself? It gets hard to accomplish things when your mind wanders around and plays with your emotions. Hello, welcome to overthinking. My entire life, I've had to seek confidence within someone else because I'm not entirely sure what I'm supposed to be looking for. So, what are you supposed to do when you found everything in one person and they leave? 

 "That's no excuse." 

 "You're seeking attention." 

 "You can't hold someone accountable for your feelings." 

 That's so easy for a lot of you to say when you are not alone at three in the morning and wondering why you haven't heard from your person in damn near a month. Can you close your eyes for me? Can you imagine what it would be like if that one person walked out of your life? And I mean really think about it. Because, even I thought it would be bearable. I thought I'd be sad, sure. But, not for a long period of time. 

 And then it happened. 

 So, tell me. 

 Can you honestly sit here and tell me if your person just got up one day and left you, would you be able to "gain some confidence." or "focus on yourself." ? Answer it. Be honest. 

 It's so easy to think and say those things when it doesn't happen to you. Stop telling people how to feel if you are not in a position to feel the deep loss of someone you wanted a forever with. 

 It sucks when they don't tell you that when you start caring about someone, hurt Is unfortunately part of the package. Letting go is a process and "focusing on yourself" isn't truly part of that. 

 So, be kind. Stop telling people how to feel. We have tried everything to numb the pain and forget.