Welcome To My Deep 3AM Thoughts

Everything I Wanted.

 Change. 

 What do you know about it? What is your definition? What forced you to do exactly that? What was your motivation? What was your breaking point? What did you do differently? What did it do to you? How did you survive? 

 You want it. You crave it. You wish for it late at night when you can't sleep. You cry for it. You pray for it. You beg for someone above to have mercy on you. You look for it in everything you do. You hope to find it in new hobbies. In new people. But, the sad reality of it is, you never get it and it frustrates you. You would take that frustration out on people around you. Those who cannot make swift, hard changes for you. Why do you think you are stuck? 

 You want change. Admit it. 

 You want them to text you. You want them to love you the way you love them. In this crazy, let you have the last chicken nugget, could never hurt you, dangerously obsessed, passionate way. You want them to have those feelings for you. 

 You want your parents to understand that you tried. You want your parents to comfort you. In ways you were denied in your childhood years. Now that you're an adult, you resent their feelings. You don't respect them. You're hurt. You hate that. You want to be heard. You want to be seen. You want that happy, trusting, loving family you see on the television. 

 Or perhaps, the magazine. 

 You want to spark a new love interest. You want to feel again. You want to move forward. You want to feel safe again in someone's arms. You want to invest your time and effort into someone who potentially could give you the world. And you hope they like you, too. You hope it's just enough. You hope you have grown just enough for them to love you for your shyness and strength. 

 You want change. 

 Someone once said; "You see this little hole? This moth is just about to emerge. It's in there right now, struggling. It's digging its way through the thick hide of the cocoon. Now, if I help it, take my knife, gently widen the opening, the moth would be free. But, it would be too weak to survive. Struggle is natures way of strengthening it." 

 I could call you a butterfly. But, butterflies are pretty for their looks. You're a moth. It's not about your appearance. It's about the work you are putting in. 

 Change. 

 Change, so you don't feel afraid of those that scare you. 

 Change, so you no longer cry or hurt over things you cannot change.