Welcome To My Deep 3AM Thoughts

Details.

 You have to be gentle with yourself. 

 You don't need to know my life story. I won't tell you in one sitting about my trauma. I won't bore you with small details about how I like my bed.. firm but soft, by a wall. I won't waste your time telling you how many times I have cried in a Starbucks line because it was just one of those days.. 12 so far, I might be lying. It's not my job or even my hobby to explain to you how my heart breaks and who broke it.. too many little things that add up, too many boys. See, you don't really care. You are just curious. You want the simple answers but, never the story. You hardly know me at all, yet you can assume big things about me; You might be right. 

 I wasn't writing like this in 2019. I wasn't even writing like this two years before that. In fact, the last time I wrote like this, I wrote a book that now holds over 50K views. Again, details, details details. It'll bore you. 

 I started writing again to watch my growth. I had enough of the bullshit. One too many ex's told me the same lie. One too many best friends proved to me that I cannot rely on them when I needed to. One too many family members showed me that I am not made to fit into a mold of "don't say this" or "don't say that" and "don't post this" and "you can't have that political opinion." Again, details. You don't really give a shit. 

 My point is, I have been caged. I have been in that box. I have been the girl screaming on the inside while smiling and nodding on the outside. I have been called "toxic". I have been called "obsessive". I have been called "crazy" and a "liar"... and while all of those may be true for the person dishing them out, it doesn't fit me. 

 The issue that everyone hates about me is that I am never wrong. No, trust me, I promise, I am not just some big head writer with this big ego. I am never wrong. I have never been wrong about boys, situations, or people. 

 I can promise you, if you open your eyes, you will see it, too. My point is that people will try to put you in this box. They will tell you that your truth is wrong. They will cover your eyes with lies and tape your mouth shut with negative thoughts and they will paint you red with a bad reputation. And that's okay. 

 The catfish eventually gets fried. 

 The manipulator eventually gets played. 

 The liar eventually gets caught. 

 Don't let the details of bullshit people bring you down. It's hard, it's complicated, and it feels wrong to turn them away. But, it is their game. You need to be stronger than that. 

 At the end of the day, You have something they don't. 

 You have grace.