Welcome To My Deep 3AM Thoughts

I'm Done.

 2020.

 It's never really too early to start thinking about what you need to change in your life. 

 So, I'll start. 

 I think the biggest change I need is, a change of heart. A change of faith. A change of chance. A whole new clean slate. This year, I've not loved many, but a great love did impact me and change my life. I lost many people. I have not said my goodbyes to those who no longer hold place in my life, they remain a mystery to everyone. I've gained a few people I never saw myself being open to being involved with. I've learned hard lessons this year. Lessons that were rather unfair but, I guess that's okay. I think I'm coming out stronger in the end or that's what they say. 

 Personally, it feels like a load of bullshit and I'm just rolling with the punches. 

 2021, please be kind. I have not done anything wrong. I love hard and deep and I try to love unconditionally. I do my very best to look past everything. I am not built for one toxic relationship after another. It's taking a harsh toll on my mind and from the looks of it, my body as well. If I'm not meant to be loved, don't bring anyone else into my life. Don't send a broken man my way. I have no more pieces to give out to those who need it. Everyone has taken all that they want from me. They used me for parts.

 Although, if you decide to full me again, be ready. I will decline any and all relationships that done make me happy. I will be selfish. 

 If my feelings are being ignored, I will not accept. 

 If any at any time during a fight, they say any of these: 

 1. "Well I'm just a piece of shit then." 

2. "I should just end my life right here."

 3. "You deserve better." (And not be better for me.) 

 I will decline. If they leave because they cannot commit, I will decline. 

 More importantly, the biggest one of them all. They will have to understand that just because something is going wrong in their life, I'm not to be pushed to side. I am not a side piece. I am someone to confide in. I should be their person, if not at least someone on the team. 

 So, 2021, please be kind. 

 I'm prepared not to be.