Welcome To My Deep 3AM Thoughts

Unrealistic.

 You're mad. I get it. Your ego is bruised. You think you deserve a spot in my life because of a one night stand. That's the thing I cannot stand about men. 

 I don't mean it. 

 It's just that... they want you. They try so hard to paint this picture of who they think you want and that's where they get you. 

 It's not that I can't find anyone. 

 I have, many times. The thing is... they are so needy. 

 It's like they are starved for attention and they need validation or praise or slow gentle strokes to the ego. I'm just not the one. I have my own goals and couldn't care less about what you have planned and... I am not interested. 

 I am self centered and a bit self absorbed. I get to be. 

 Love is such a hard concept for me to grasp anyway, anymore. I don't get it. 

 Love me for why? Why do you want me? Why are you interested in me? Why are you talking to me? Why are you thinking about me? Why are you even considering a relationship with me and our friendship is less than six months? 

 I think it's desperation and I find it distasteful. 

 I swear to god if it's not three weeks, it's three days and I am so sick of it. You don't know real love until you are ready to fly across the world even though you are crying and throwing up on the bathroom floor just because they won't answer your texts. 

 And, let me remind you. 

 I have spent almost a year getting over him. 

 Love is overly patient and never kind so, if your love is too good. It's not love. 

 Love is toxic. Two people clawing at each other. Growing. Learning how to fight in a healthy way. 

 None of you that come into my life, head over heels, know how to do that. 

 So, enjoy being jealous. Enjoy your replacement. Enjoy wishing it was my voice and not hers. Enjoy not having any part of me because you went and blew your chance. 

 You don't love me. 

 You love the idea of me loving you. 

 I am worth so much more than just being an idea.