Welcome To My Deep 3AM Thoughts

To Be Enough For You.

 I am not bitter. I never way. In my story, she was a villain and that is something you cannot take away from me. She had a part to play and thank God she played it. Because, if it wasn't for her, it would've been someone else. You don't know how it affected me. You truly don't understand the pain I went through. You saw not even a portion of what life was giving to me at the time. My feelings are valid. 

 I have spoken so much on how it broke me. My heart. I don't think anyone understands. And, you won't, until you someone you never thought you would lose, walks out of your life and doesn't look back. You have no idea what I felt until you're watching the person who wanted a life with you- not the other way around, walk away from the only person who would have done anything for them. It's not just the fact that he walked away like the two years we had known each other mean nothing to him. It's the fact he forced me to mourn him after I told him my life is nothing but dead relationships. I had to beg him for a different outcome that never came. 

 You don't understand until you have to grieve someone who is not dead but the person they led you to believe who they were, is. It's not just the relationship I lost. It was my best friend, the bond, someone I cared deeply for, that I lost. I lost the person who felt like home. I lost someone who knew my pain from beginning to end and his cuts just so happen to be deeper than the rest. 

 It was so easy for him. 

 I hope you can feel the hatred because, it's there. 

 I didn't want the family. I didn't want the friends. I didn't want to be tied to anything. I was happy on my own. But, we make sacrifices for those we unfortunately love and adore. So, now I am tied to people. I have to see people who are not my real friends, hype up his new girl(s). And, I am in a forever state of changing the radio station if they play Kane Brown or Lee Brice. 

 I don't wish this frustration on anyone. I think someone who has pure intentions should never be put through this. It should be illegal. It should be punishable, sentenced to life in prison, with no one to love other than yourself. 

 "That sounds a bit harsh, doesn't it?" No. Because, if people could learn to love who they really are and be completely alone and be satisfied with themselves, there would be less broken souls. 

 This is my story. This was my relationship. You don't get to tell me that I am wrong for feeling a certain way.