Welcome To My Deep 3AM Thoughts

Daddy Issues.

 My father's name starts with a "J". 

 You glorify daddy issues until it's you crying at three in the morning to a random boy about how you are not included in your father's life anymore. You adore the term "daddy" in the bedroom in hopes that if you are vulnerable enough, some stranger might fill more than just your holes with what your inner child desperately needs.

 My daddy issues are a black leather belt with extra holes cut into it and Saturday mornings. My daddy issues are being yelled at for not knowing how to read the room as a seven year old. My daddy issues are pancakes and bacon Sunday mornings before getting screamed at because, I thought blue hair was pretty. 

 You so badly want daddy issues until your father chooses his girlfriend, not wife, not your mother, not even a family friend, not even close to someone who would make you understand, but his girlfriend... over you. 

 You desperately crave daddy issues until phone calls are only 0:16 (seconds) long and only called out three times a week, if that. If your father hasn't already shut you out, that is. 

 You so very badly need daddy issues until the comments are made on your body and you need male validation and attention to make you feel like you are on a good path. You need male validation just to exist. Its the only validation you crave. It's the only validation that is correct. It's the only validation you will ever need. You are a pretty face, nice body, big brains, but, if a man is not adoring you, you are trash. 

 You want to call your boyfriend "daddy" so badly but, have you cried to boys about your dad instead of crying to your dad about boys? Does Daddy know you're a little slut for any man of any age if they are willing to give you attention? Does Daddy know that his little girl would much rather be called pretty while she's on her knees for another man instead of "getting that bread" ? You want to call your boyfriend "daddy" because you think it's trendy and you think it's hot. You call your boyfriend "daddy" because let's face it, he does more for you than your father ever will. 

 You want my daddy issues until you realize it took me 17 years to come clean to my father about how my innocence as a child was taken from me by yet another man and his insurance was "don't tell daddy. He will get upset." You want my daddy issues because you think it's sexy.  

 I want to forget my daddy issues because, I desperately crave an emotional connection with my father. I want to be heard, seen, and not pushed further out of his life. 

 Stop glorifying daddy issues.