Welcome To My Deep 3AM Thoughts

Exile.

 Moving on is a process I hate repeating. In this case, it tore me apart. It took me months of accepting the loss and going through the stages of grief. I mourned you. I mourned us. I mourned who you used to be. 

 I finally let you go. 

 My entries are numbered and this says "Day 37" but, it's been weeks, months. It's been holidays, anniversaries missed. Unattended. 

 You are not coming back. I had to be okay with that. 

 I want you to know this. I wanted to wait for you. I wanted to leave myself available to you. 

 But, I need to move on with my life before I become stuck. I wanted you. But, I cannot sit here and let life pass me by while I am waiting for someone who left me so easily. 

 As some cliche post on Instagram would say... 

 "Those silent days taught me how to live without you." 

 I got used to not hearing from you. I got used to not expecting a text or call. Because of this, I eventually detached. 

 You emotionally cheated on us. I had to process your actions. I had to be okay with the fact that maybe closure is bullshit and I don't need it from you. 

 A week ago, if you asked if you could come back, I would have said "yes."

 But then I understood. 

 Another day that I chose you, was another day that I would be not only disrespecting myself but, my morals and what I stand for. 

 I loved you.

 I do love you. 

 But, I am not waiting for you to swallow your pride. If you wanted me, if you wanted us, I wouldn't be writing this right now to track how well I am doing. 

 I wouldn't be writing to be free from you. 

 I can breathe, now. 

 I wish you all the best, I really do. 

 But, I am finally happy with my choice. 

 And, I am finally at peace with yours.