I Can't Let You Go

Sincerity

They were sitting in the kitchen in silence for a few more minutes. Emilia had no idea what to say or how to handle this situation. She knew that she called him. She knew that she said things to him that she shouldn't... but him being there surprised her. 

"Don't be mad at ... David." Kit cleared his throat, but he did not look at her. "He ... wanted the best for us. He just... wanted to help and..." he tried to explain.
"Did he tell you to come here?" Em sighed.
"No. It was... it was my idea." he took a deep breath. "After your call... it was me who called David and..."
"I don't remember what I've told you." she turned to him quickly. "That call was a mistake. I was drunk." she swallowed a big one. 
"No matter what happened between us Emilia, no matter how I screwed up I know ... I... you don't have to lie to me." he frowned and their eyes met. She opened her mouth to contrary but he was right. She did not remember. Not at the first moment. Not when she woke up, but after that, she remembered some things. Some words that she said to him. Kit knew her too well. "I am not here... I mean... " Kit raised his eyes at the ceilings. "I just want to talk as ... friends. If that is possible. We are friends such a long time ago and ... I just... I owe you some explanation. I owe you the truth and..." he tried to find the right words.
"Guess we screwed up that friendship when we allowed our emotions to break free," she answered with so much sadness in her voice.
"I didn't regret any moment with you. I wouldn't exchange those moments for anything." Kit was serious. "Em... I ... don't you wanna go outside? To the shores? I mean... it... it would be more pleasant." 
"The most pleasant would be if you go home."  Emilia stood up and walked to the counter. 

"I know you are mad at me, but ... I know you don't want this. Not from your heart." he tried to remain strong and calm. He stood up and stepped closer to her. 
"Kit I can't be close to you." she raised her voice and turned back to him. "I ..."
"I don't expect that from you." he whispered "I just want to talk. I want you to know... what happened that night." 
"You shouldn't have come here." Emilia felt how her lips were trembling. Their eyes met.
"Let's go outside." he tried to smile a bit and showed her the way with his arm. She nodded finally and followed him. They went to the shores in silence. 

"You have chosen a wonderful place again... this year." Kit smiled when they reached the sea. "It is peaceful."
"It was," Emilia answered.
"I ... I am not here to ruin your vacation. I just ... " Kit swallowed. "You've told me on the phone that you..."
"I know. I ... " she cut his words. "Why is it surprise you?"
"It did not It was just... good to hear." he answered and nodded "I know it did not mean that ... we can continue. I know we can't have anything until Rose is in the picture... " he continued quietly and Emilia raised her eyes at him. "Maybe not even after she disappears. I accept it. I really do. And I understand. But... you've told me that you still love me. And you miss me. And ... that you have no idea how I was able to do that with you. I ... did not." he cleared his throat. "At least I wanted you to know that ... you were my everything. You are my everything Milly." he corrected his words. "And ... it does not change a thing, but I did not sleep with Rose that night. I thought I did but I did not." he continued. 
"Why are you that sure now?" she barely could form words. "I mean ... you said you don't remember that night."
"I don't" Kit admitted and raised a brow. "But she busted. She has no idea that I know but... I heard her phone call. Probably with ... with her sister. There she confessed that no matter how many drops she put into my lemonade it did not work. I fell asleep and did nothing... and that she can't risk that plan again."
"She drugged you?" Emilia frowned and her mouth fall open.
"She faked a pregnancy so that was not such a big surprise." Kit slid his hands to his pockets. 

"Kit you can't talk seriously." she grabbed his arm and turned him to herself. "You should go to the police. You should report her." she noticed how his eyes stopped on her hand on his arm. She quickly removed it. 
"I have no evidence." Kit answered. "I went to a blood test but ... it was too late of course. There is nothing in my blood. I have nothing else just my word. I did not even expect that you are going to believe it... not the police." he rolled his eyes. "She is the woman ... and they probably going to believe her, not me. That only cause scandals, and she wouldn't miss you out of it." he explained, "I couldn't risk that." he turned to her with his whole body. Placed his hand on her cheek and caressed it a bit. He couldn't resist. He needed to touch her. 
"Why did you think that I wouldn't believe you?" she lowered her head.
"You have no reason to believe my words."
"You've said not too long ago that you know when I am lying. It is also true for me. I know when you try to hide the truth." she swallowed. "But that does not mean.."
"I know." he nodded. "And... there is something else." he sniffed. Emilia raised her eyes at him questioningly. "Come." Kit took her hand and walked with her closer to the sea. He sat down to the sand and crossed his arms around his knees. She sat next to him. He remained in silence and his eyes were exploring the sea. 

"Wish we could disappear." he sighed. "Wish we were in a movie, and just... go to the other side of the world. Live a life that we both want. Happily. Without any mess around us. With two children in a big country house." 
"You really do remember all my words." Emilia smiled a bit.
"It hurt me. Every word of yours. It hurt me because you were so right in everything." he sighed. "I should have close my past before we start. I should have never started to date Rose. I should have stayed away from you when you warned me that is the best decision. You were right in everything. I should have sacrificed the present for our future." he lowered his head and shook it. "I did not want to believe it. I did not want to let you go for a moment and my decisions have consequences."
"It was not only your decision Kit." Emilia shrugged. "We both made mistakes. I mean... we let our love blind us. We forget that she keeps her eyes on us. We were... we were too happy together." she continued.
"You deserve more." Kit was playing with his fingers nervously. "Not a relationship behind locked doors. Not hiding and... fear. Not a mess like I am." 
"And what are you planning to do with her?" she raised her eyes at him. She knows no matter what she is going to say he is going to blame himself. She did not blame him. It was not just his fault. No. She was at least so faulty. She should have been sane. She should have not let her emotions guide her. Her mother warned her, but she thought... how foolish she was. "And what is the other thing? That you want to tell?" she turned to him and wiped her cheek quickly. He did not answer. 

"Kit. Just... spit it out." Emilia bit her lower lip. "Like some sticking plaster. If you do it slowly it even hurt more. So you should just..." 
"Rose is pregnant." he took the advice but he regretted it at the moment he said it loud. He saw in her eyes she did not expect that and she doesn't understand. It was not a surprise. Emilia frowned and staring at him. "She is pregnant with my child." he made it clear once and for all "And now... that is not a scam. I ... I think that was the plan. Her plan. That is why she wanted to have sex with me. To knock her up and in that way, she can chain me to her."
"I ... you've told me that you did not have sex with her." Emilia moved a bit further from him.
"Now comes the crazy, psychotic bitch part." Kit admitted and pulled a face. "Do you... do you remember the times when I immersed in coke and drink the second time?" he glanced at her. 
"Wish I could forget. But why does it matter?" Emilia was totally confused.
"During that time I was with her. She and the doctor who her father offered... told me that I should have frozen sperms. For the future. If anything goes wrong. If my body responds to the treatment in a bad way." he wiped his hair back. "Gosh." He raised his eyes at the clouds. "It is so nonsense." 
"I can't believe it." she was totally shocked. 
"I did not believe it either when I listened to that whole talk," he admitted. "She signed a declaration on my behalf, and by artificial insemination, she got what she wanted. I did not want you to... get to know about it from anyone or anywhere else." he took a deep breath.
"Why didn't you tell me about that earlier? I mean when she first faked her pregnancy? Why she did not try with that thing?" 
"Probably she forgot about it. Just as I do. I don't really remember that part of my life. I was a mess and ... you were not around. It was not a time of my life that worth remembering." he admitted. 

Emilia was sitting next to him in silence. That was too much. Everything she got to know about was too much. It was just like some nightmare. The worst nightmare she ever had. 
"I swear I did not plan to ruin your vacation." Kit sounded a burst of resigning laughter. "Maybe you were right. I really should have not come here." he shook his head, but the next thing he noticed her hand was on his hand. "You..." Kit turned to her and he fought with his tears. "You were next to me all time long. I mean ... for ten or eleven years or more... you were always by my side. Even when I was an ashhole or a mess. I have no idea how to go through all this without you. That is all." he admitted. Emilia pulled herself to her knees and hugged him. She cried too. She was caressing his back and squeezed him close. Kit returned the hug. He did not want to let her go ever. 

"What was that thought about escaping to the other side of the world?" she tried to calm him a bit. 
"Wonderful solution, isn't it?" Kit shook his head and let her away from his grip. 
"What are you planning to do?" she bit her lip. 
"Anything that won't affect you." he shrugged. "I meant my words. This time for real. If I have to stay away from you for years... I am going to do it, but I won't let her hurt you again. Not with words, not with deeds." 
"She constantly hurt me. Because I can't be with you," she answered. 
"So it was not just the alcohol?" Kit tried to smile at her, but she frowned. "When you've told me that you love and miss me." 
"You know it was not." she swallowed. "You know how I feel." 
"I love you, little girl. No matter what happens." he stretched his arm towards her and pulled her to his arms. Kissed her forehead and holding her close. He can't let her go... neither she. They belong together even if they can't be together right at that moment... they had no idea what to do. At that minute, they just enjoyed the silence around them.