I Can't Let You Go

Tree

"Where are you?" the message from Kit was short and clear. Em was surprised. No sorry, no apologize just a question. At least he was alive and okay. Of course she knows Charlie took her home, but if it is Kit... that don't guarantee anything. She was staring her phone screen... Maybe he couldn't write anything else, but if he couldn't... she have to answer the same way. No matter how she worried about him, or how she missed him. 
"Filming. Last day. We'll work until late night." Em was straight. Just wrote the facts. To be honest, she cannot wait the filming to be over right now. There were many things what they have to handle. All the Rose things... what Charlie told her... she was worried about this. She needed to talk with Kit about everything, but Christmas is too close. Only two days left until Christmas eve. She was sure Kit has to travel home latest on Sunday, and somehow they have to manage to meet before he leaves. He needs to know. 
"Emilia! Come. We have many things to do" Paul told her, and she nodded. Kit did not answer, but she couldn't wait any longer. She vowed to herself she won't let Kit or Rose or anything else destroy her mood and her carrier. No, that was not an option.

"And what are the plans for Christmas?" Henry asked her after long hours of shooting. 
"Nothing really. I go home to my mom. We spend the Christmas together." she shrugged her shoulders. "I did not even decorate any tree."
"Are you serious?" Henry was surprised.
"I did not really have time to do that. I ... have many things in my mind in the past few weeks."
"Emilia Clarke, decorating a Christmas tree is not a task. It is a tradition... while you are doing this, you feel all the good spirits around you. Joy and peace. Angels. Maybe it would help to see things more clear." he explained with shining eyes.
"You are a dreamer."
"I am. And I am a happy man." he answered. "Promise me you do this tonight."
"Henry. We will be here until midnight. I won't be in the mood. If we ever finish, I just... want my bed." she smiled.
"Okay, I won't let you do this. If you don't do it alone, I go there with you and we decorate together."
"I don't think your wife would be happy about it." Em laughed. 
"You always find an excuse don't ya? Fine. I call her too."
"What?" 
"I won't leave you alone until you don't promise me you are gonna do it. Or we go there and force you to do it." Henry was laughing. 
"And how will you check it?"
"Believe me Emilia, I find a way."
"We can continue!" Paul voice disturbed they conversation. 

-------------------------------

Em was right. The shooting took almost midnight. She was tired and she just wanted to sleep. She needed some rest, to think clear mind. She needed to find a way to meed and talk with Kit before it is too late. She cannot live with the fact, he will go home to his family home with Rose... She sees in front of her eyes, how Rose tells his family about the baby they are going to have, how they celebrate her. Kit was not strong enough to handle it. Not alone. That was clear... he drunk again, he lost control, like usual when the situation is too hard for him. She can't let him do any stupid things. When she arrived to her front door, she stopped and couldn't believe what she sees. A tree was there. Next to her door. She went closer, and checked the note in it. "No excuses. Happy Holidays! Henry" 
Em started to laugh. It seems, this night will be long enough. She was looking the tree for a couple more minutes, and imagine ... decorating it with Kit. That would be the perfect Christmas. If they don't have to hide anymore. If they don't have to ... compliance to anyone. Just live their lives like a happy and carefree couple. Will they ever achieve this? She was not sure. Not with Rose in their life. Rose would never let Kit to do it. 
"Wow, it is good to see, you are alone." 
She turned to the direction of the well known voice. It was Kit. He looked bad, and he looked so tired, but he was there.
"Kit?" Her eyes told how happy she was to see him "How... what are you doing here?"
"Am I interrupting something?" he was so cold, and strange.
"No. Just... would you please help me to ... put this into my flat?" Em was pointing to the tree with her hands. 
He did not answer just grabbed the tree and looking at Em. She opened the door, and let him inside. He pulled the tree with himself and placed it into the living room then put his hands to his pocket. 
"How are you?" Em trying to figure out what is going on. 
"Been better." 
"Why are you here?" she sees something is definitely not okay.
"Maybe you want someone else to be here?" 
"Kit what are you talking about? What the hell is wrong with you?" Emilia frowned, and took a step closer.
"Where is he?" he asked with serious face. He did not smile, there were no emotion in his face. 
"Who?"
"Now you let him again back into your life? You forgave him?"
"Kit what ..."
"People saw you two in the park EMILIA!" he almost shouted. "And I don't understand! He tried to ... " Kit took a deep breath "And now you just go to romantic walks with him? To the park? And then? You brought him here and let him do whatever he wants to do with you?" he yelled at the end.
"Charlie." Em just realized what he was talking about, but she was surprised how vehement he is... how jealous and mad. 
"Yeah, Charlie. Or are there anyone else, who I need to know about?"
"Okay Kit just stop it. You act like an idiot"
"Am I?" he spread his arms "Am I Emilia? I am the idiot, not you who..."
"He wanted to warn me. Warn us."
"Oh, and you buy this fucking story again. Wasn't it enough once? HE TRIED TO RAPE YOU FOR FUCK SAKE!"
"And I never forgive him. I never forget it." she raised her voice too. "But he won't be there, if your beloved fiancé won't be a psychopath bitch."

"Oh well, that is his new story?" he asked back.
"How did you get home yesterday?"
"Do not change the topic." Kit shook his head.
"Oh, I did not. HOW did you get home yesterday? After you lost control again, after you were drunk as fuck, after I begged you to go home, until you can." she became mad and serious. 
"Why is this important? It does not change the fact you..."
"If you are jealous of Charlie then go to hell Harington!" she yelled with him "It is hard enough without your fucking idiot behavior. Rose called him. She knows... she ... thinks there is something going on between us and Charlie saved our ass. No matter how you don't like him, no matter how mad I am at him... he helped us. And he helped you yesterday too. He was the one, who took you home from the bar, if you don't remember, but of course I am not surprised." 
Kit couldn't answer. He had just shred of memory from last night. He remembered an argument, he... tried to think back. 
"Remember now?" Em asked a bit sardonically. 
"How can you be so sure, he is not lying? About Rose?" he asked now quietly. 
"Because he showed me the voice record of the call. He knew I would never believe him, never talk with him, if he don't show proof. To be honest, I am still not trust him." Em sighed "I am not sure he is not a part of this plan, Rose plan ... maybe they want something together, I ... don't know. And I wanted to talk with you about it, but ..."
"The thought he is close to you again I..."
"And you immediately thought I let him back into my bed? Seriously?"
"I was mad... that is why I said it. I ... did not mean it." Kit tried to save the situation.
"What kind of relationship you want, if you don't even trust me, and ... think these things about me? I thought I ... "
"I shouldn't believe everything what I see on social media." he lowered his head.
"I thought you already learned it in the past few years. Since when you ever checking it?" Em rolled her eyes and sat to the couch.
"It was her. Rose. She... showed me, what the fan wrote about you." 
"And you were preparing all day long, to come here tonight and do this scene?" Em was looking to his eyes.
"I am sorry."
"About what? This? Or the last night? Or ... because you lost control again? Or ... for hurting me? You sorry about what?" she placed her head in her hands. Covering all her face. 

Kit walked to her and hesitated. He wanted to touch her, wanted to hug her, but he screwed it. Again. Like he always does. He has no idea how Emilia still talking with him. How she can... still love him. He always does idiot things. 
"All of those." he answered, and crouched against her. He put his arms around her waist and placed his forehead to hers. "I am jealous. I am... always jealous when it is about you. You... know it."
"You better go home." she whispered.
"I don't want to" he removed her hand from her cheek and placed his there. He was looking into her eyes. "You told me... earlier I am home... here."
"She will find out. You are here and..."
"She went to Scotland. Today. To her family." he answered calmly. 
"When do you have to go ... home to your parents house?"
"Tomorrow." they were still looking at each others eyes.
"And what is the plan? I hope you were not just drinking yesterday... but thinking too." 
"She already told my parents about her pregnancy. I will talk with my mother. Jack knows the truth. I... try to find a way to tell my mother... indulgently... what is my opinion. About her pregnancy and... about recall the wedding."
"Are you sure it is a good idea? I mean what if your mom ... her healthy is..."
"Em. I can handle my mom. I know she wants the best for me. She is not like my dad."
"Okay. And?" Em sighed "If you won't get an answer what you like... you drink again? Get drunk and do some shits?"
"No. I made a mistake. I know it."
"Kit!" Em placed her hand to his face "We can't do mistakes like this. We can't be irresponsible. She is ... keeping her eye on us. And... "
Kit pressed his lips against hers and stopped her words. Em placed her arms around his neck and kissed him back. 
"I hate you" she whispered to his mouth. "How the hell can you think....
He did not let her talk. Just kissing her passionately. He was leaning with her to the bed and their mouth were stuck to each other. 
"Okay stop!" Em placed her hand to his chest and pushed him a bit further. "We have a more important thing to do right now."
"What?" Kit frowned.
"Decorate the tree." Em was smiling.
"NOW?" 
"Well.... you will go tomorrow. I will go tomorrow... and I don't think we have any other time to do it... and I wanna do this with you."
"I thought you don't want to decorate tree this year." he was caressing her cheek.
"No. But... I made a promise. And ... someone said while decorating the tree, good spirits comes and bless us. Maybe this is what we need now. Some angels blessing." Em smiled.
"I've been blessed already. With U. You are my angel Clarke." his brown eyes couldn't ever lie. That was the look, what every girl wants in their life. A man who are in love... deeply and truly. 
"But if you piss that angel on... she can be a devil. Do not forget that." Em gave a kiss to his face and stood up from the bed. 

"Can we start?" She raised the decorations what her mother brought to her earlier and smiled to Kit.