I Can't Let You Go

I Love You

Em was staring him. She felt how her heart was beating faster. He stood there and he was just looking into her eyes. "I hope I don't mind it. And... I don't want this thing to ... take us apart, if you don't feel the same way, just say it Emilia and I... I am gonna understand, and I'll be here as your friend for the rest of your life, but I ... I have to say this. I can't hold it anymore. I... " He was embarrassed. "Say what?" she asked him softly. He placed his hand to her cheek  and caressed it with his finger. 

"I can't marry Rose, because I don't love her. I ... never really loved her. She was my B option... ahm... I have a feeling for someone else... a deep feeling, but I never was able to tell it because, I was afraid if I say this... it will ruin the friendship between us. Only that girl matters for me since I know her. Since she walked to me in the hotel at Belfast. With her amazing smile, and stupendous eyes. When she looked at me, I forgot to breath, and talk. We became friend quite quickly. She became too important to me... quite quickly. When we were sitting in the hotel room in Belfast, and watching that dribbler romantic movie, with that boring sex scene... and she turned to me, and released her real desires. I loved her even more. After the first night what I spent with her... I knew I love her. And years passed, and we ... she and I had many wonderful nights and funny and amazing days together. But she always reminded me, in every damn morning, we are just friends. He pulled me back to the reality every damn morning what we spent together. I knew I have to move on. I started a relationship to forget her. Instead of fight for her. I was an idiot, because that girl cannot be forgotten. She is my life. She is my whole fucking life. She is the only one for me. The only one who matters. When she told me at the Emmys night in the car to kiss her, after we did not touch each other for two years, it was a dream come true. A dream what I never wanted to end. I should have closed my past right after that moment, right after that night...  now I know. Because no one else matters to me. Just her. And when I saw her again and she told me she has a boyfriend. She killed me. She put a steak to my heart, and I had no idea how to handle this. She cannot have anyone else. I cannot just let her go. Because... she is mine. She is my Emilia, and I want her to be mine for a lifetime." 

Kit lowered his head. "Here it is. I say it." he swallowed and raised his eyes to her again. "I love you Emilia Isabelle Euphemia Rose Clarke, and I wanted you to know this." he finished and stroked her cheek. Her eyes were in tears. Her mouth was trembling. "Do not cry please" he wiped the tear from her eyes "I hate when you are crying." he smiled at her, but his eyes were in tears too. He did it. He told her. Maybe it was a mistake, he had no idea. He just know... he had to tell her. "You know it is not that easy right?" she took a deep breath. "We are not just two ordinary people who can just jump into something without any consequences" she wiped her eyes. "I know." he nodded "But I wanted to tell you the truth, even if you don't feel the same for me." he tried to keep himself strong. Em put her hand to his face. "You think I don't feel the same?" she asked him and searching his eyes. "I don't know." he shook his head, he felt himself miserable. "I love you Kit. I have no idea since when. Maybe from the first moment, maybe I was just falling in love with you through the years, I don't know but...  I never stopped loving you. Not even in the moment, when you proposed someone else. I knew you always be in a special place in my heart. I wanted to shout with you, I wanted to tell you. But it was too late. You chose her over me. Because I was afraid... to let you love me. In the moment when you told me you proposed her... and I went to the other room, I was crying. You broke my heart." she tried to put her feelings in words "I know... now I know. I was blind back then to notice." he answered. "I went to the theater to tell you that I love you. When you were left to New York. I wanted to tell you. I wanted you to know. But you were not there." she lowered her face. "I know" he nodded. "Wish I would be there." 

"And what now?" she smiled at him, but her eyes were still in tears. "We cannot just get together and live happily ever after. You know it is not works in this way. Not in our world. If the press sense ... there is something between us... it will be a huge scandal. We are both in a relationship Kit. You are engaged to someone else. No matter how much I love you, we... cannot just do this without consequences." Em caressed his face. "I am going to... break up with her, when she comes home. I already told you that. I wanted to tell you all of this, after I done it, but ... I couldn't wait any longer." he held her hand. "We have to stay away from each other until then. Because ... they will involve me in it. And I don't want to be a part of it. I... you have to understand, I don't want any scandals, after many years we can avoided it." Em tried to think with clear mind. "And I don't want you to be a part of it. I will do everything to keep you away from this mess." he smiled at her. "I know" she almost whispered to him. Their eyes were locked. They stood there in silence and just looking each other. "I am sorry." Kit broke the silence. "For what?" Em did not understand. "For this." he leaned closer to her and pressed his lips against hers. She put her hands around his neck and kissed him back. They almost eat each other. So many hidden emotions came to the light in that moment. 

Kit broke the kiss to take off her shirts then pulled her back to his lips. She held her perfect body close to his. Em also broke the kiss to take off his shirts. They were kissing passionately but it was different than any time before. They hearts were in it. They don't have to hide their real feelings anymore. Kit grabbed Emilia, lift her to his lap and walked with her to the bedroom. He put her to the bed and pulled off her pants and her panties too, then he unbuttoned his jeans and took it off. He grabbed her head and kissed her again with all of his heart. "I love you so much" he whispered to her. "I love you too" she answered. Her voice was so soft, so kind, full of emotion. Kit made more place for himself between her legs and with a affectionate thrust he was in her. He moved his hips slowly and fondly while he was kissing her continuously. Em squeezed him so close and enjoyed it. They were making love. It was something different than ever before. That was not about the pleasure, that was about their love. They became one at those moments. "Kit" she moaned softly to his mouth. "I never let you go. I promise you" he said while he pushing her lovingly and kissed her again. They were making love for long minutes, or an hour. They had no idea. The time did not mattered for them. "Kit" Em felt she is there, she was close to cum. "Em" Kit closed his eyes, and they were cumming at once. At the same time while holding each other close. 

Kit slowly took off his sex from her and laid next to her in the bed. He pulled her close and kissed her. He caressed her face. "You have no idea, how much I love you" he told her while couldn't take his eyes off of her. Em smiled. She was happy. She was finally in his arms, in the way she had to be. "That was... " she blushed " quite different than ever before" she said and caressed his chest. "It was." Kit just smiled. "It was amazing" he kissed her again. "When do you have to go?" she asked him quietly. He checked his watch. "Half an hour later" he kissed her forehead. "We have to figure out ... how to do it." she stated. "we cannot just loose our minds and ...." Em continued. "I know. We will" he leaned over her. "And I know I won't let you go. Never again Emilia. No matter how hard it will be. I love you and it worth it. You worth it" he told her. He kissed her again. Her phone rang broke their kiss. Em looked to the display. It was Charlie. She just realized  truly, what she did. No matter what she felt for Kit, she did a thing what she never wanted to do. She cheated him. She muted her phone and sat up on the bed. Kit knew. He knew how she feels in that moment. "Em" he started. "It cannot happen again. Not until we close our past, our relationships." she answered but she did not looked at him. Kit frowned. "No. Emilia. No... we did not do anything wrong." Kit tried to convince her. "We did not do anything wrong?" Em looked at him. "We just cheated two people, who trust and love us." she answered. "Emilia, I love you. Not her." he answered. "It doesn't matter. It is not about your feelings, it is not about my feelings... it is about them. Ever wondered how is it to be in their place?" she was sad and mad at the same time. "No. No I Don't. We suffered enough about many bad decisions. I cannot regret what happened. Not even for a minute." he answered and put his face to his hands. "About our bad decisions. Not theirs. They are not mistaken... they are just victims. They are the victims of our wrong decisions." Em covered herself with the blanket and stood up from the bed. She started to get dressed. 

Kit couldn't believe. He stood up and went after her. He tried to stop her. Tried to reassure her. "Kit, don't." she said to him, but he turned her to himself. "Emilia. I love you. We will solve this okay? But do not push me away after everything what happened today. Please" he looked into her eyes. "I don't push you away, I just tried to make smart decision." she answered. "I love you, but we cannot be together, until we don't solve our lives. Until we don't end what we are in. Until we do not say farewell to them. I don't want to live my days with the fact I hurt someone every damn day. I just can't" she told him, her eyes were in tears again. "Do you want to take a shower?" she asked him. He shook his head. "Then I go. You better get dressed and go, or you'll gonna be late." Em told him, and wanted to leave him there, but he grabbed her arm. "When I can see you?" he asked her. "I don't know." she answered, went to the bathroom and locked the door. She started to cry. She hate herself. She was so happy, but she hated herself. She felt herself bad, she did not want to feel that way. She should be so happy about everything what happened but it should not happened in this way. Kit should wait with this. To confess his feelings towards her... he should just wait.