I Can't Let You Go

BFF

"Lola! Hi." Em opened the door. She just woke up from the bed and did not really understand what her best friend doing there. "You cannot be serious! It is 4 pm. And you did not even got up from bed today? What the fuck?" Lola was wondering. "Do I have to worry about you?" She went in and put down her bag. "I just enjoyed to be alone." Em answered without any emotion. "Okay gurl. But you did not forget we go to the play tonight, right?" She asked. Em mouth fall. She forget. She totally forget. "Lola... I. Fuck. I am sorry." She explained. Lola just shaked her head. "We still have time if you put yourself together quickly." Lola added. "I am not in the mood" Em sat to the couch and lowered her head.

"You gotta be kidding me. What is wrong with you? I thought you are in heaven. Pink clouds. Love in the air and everything. Or ... you are in that mood because he left? Em..." she sat next to her and put her hand to her knee "he loves you. He will come again or you go. Don't worry. Baby gurl." Lola continued but Emilia did not answered. She was just staring into the space. She did not want to talk about it. Not even with Lola. "Emilia Clarke you are not that girl who depends on a man. Noo wayy. Where is my strong and independent gurl? You don't need him to be happy and smiling." Lola tried her best. "It is not about that for fuck sake!" She couldn't held herself anymore and almost yelled. "If you wanna know... I am happy he left." She got up from the couch. "What? I thought you ... love him. You looked so happy together. I don't understand." Lola frowned. "I am... not in love with him. I tried. I... wanted. But... I just can't."

"You broke up with him?" Lola asked. Em just shaked her head. "You confuse me. You are not in love with him but you did not broke up with him? Why?" Lola did not understand. She totally lost. "Because he loves me. And... he really does. And... Maybe it takes time and I am gonna feel the same. Who knows. I don't wanna throw him away because I am an idiot." Emilia tried to tell her how she feels without involving Kit in it. "Em. You cannot be serious." Lola had no idea what to say. "You... he... I mean..." she was searching the right words. "You know I support you in everything but I can't support you in this choice. You... should tell him how you feels." She continued. "Tell him what?" Emilia asked back and she lost control. "Tell him that I only used him to forget? Tell him he couldn't make me happy? Tell him that he was fucking right and I am in love with my best friend?" In that moment she realized she said too much. She just stared Lola. Lola's eyes widen. "What?"

Em did not answered just walked up and down. "What are you talking about Em? Emilia." Lola went to her and grabbed her hand. "You and... Kit?" Lola asked her. She did not believed what she just said. Em nodded and took a deep breath. Her eyes were in tears. "Why you never told me that?" Lola held her face in her arms. Em started to cry. She hugged her bestie and she knew. Now she had to tell her everything. She had to talk with someone. How she feels. Because she was drowning in her feelings.

Kit was sitting on the plane. He was on his way to New York. That was the best decision. If he spends more time with Rose it will solve the problem. Two days with Rose maybe enough to forget the feelings what he has for Emilia. Maybe that Charlie thing mixed his feelings and nothing more. And the night they spent together after the Emmys. After they missed it for years. That is all. That must be all. When the captain said they depart soon he turned off his phone and leaned his head back in the seat.

A HOOK-UP - 2011

Kit was sitting on the plane. It was night. They traveled back from San Diego to London. Everyone was sleeping. He hated that he was surrounded by strangers and Emilia was sitting a few rows back. He turned back and saw a phone screen was lighting. He was sure it is Em. He smiled and wrote a message to her then stood up. When he walked passed her, she looked at him shaked her head, but he just showed her his two fingers. "Two minutes" he whispered. Kit went to the toilet and waited.